Decaydance High
Four
I didn’t say anything to Brendon the next day until lunch came around. Alex was waiting for me outside the cafeteria and Brendon was with him. They looked deep in conversation so I slowly approached the two.
“Uh hey” I said slowly. Brendon laughed and turned to me. He embraced me and Alex ruffled my hair, causing me to squeak slightly. How fucking embarrassing.
“How cute” Brendon grinned and his fingers somehow laced themselves with mine and I suddenly felt really dizzy. He had to be playing with me and I regretted telling him that I’m gay. We got into line and people were staring again. I hated it.
“You okay?” He looked at me and squeezed my hand and I swear he could feel my pulse from my palms. I nodded and he nudged me gently and smiled. I smiled back shyly. We went through the lunch line and then we all took a seat at our normal table, but it feels weird having Brendon here. He finally let go of my hand.
“So what’s going on with you guy’s other classes?” He asked and he sounded just like his mom did the other night, causing me to smile a bit.
“Photography is great” Alex said, spooning up some of his green jello and stuffing it in his mouth, “US History? Not so much” Brendon laughed at that comment and I find myself laughing too. His laugh is so fucking contagious that it’s almost unbearable.
“What’s going on in photography? I heard you’re one of the best in the system, actually,” Brendon nibbled casually on a roll and I poked my broccoli with a fork. I didn’t plan on eating it because it’s a questionable shade of brown in some places.
“Well since Valentine’s day is rolling around next month, we have to make a collage that represents love” He shrugged, popping a tater tot into his mouth. Brendon chewed on a carrot thoughtfully, his roll back on his tray, looking close to untouched besides the part he had nibbled on.
“You should take pictures of homosexual couples, you know, the whole ‘love is love’ kind of thing” He said casually and I tensed up a bit, but he doesn’t even look over at me, “Females and males of course” he adds and then puts the half eaten carrot on his plate with a sigh.
“That’s actually a good idea” Alex grins, another scoop of jello in his mouth. I grimaced and looked away to catch eye with Pete Wentz and Audrey Kitching. They both were glaring at me so I looked away quickly, but Audrey had already stood up. I could hear her pink high heels clicking against the marble floor, but I didn’t dare look back in her direction.
“Hey, babe!” Audrey said loudly, banging her hand on the table directly in front of me, but her eyes were on Brendon. She was smirking evilly though, confirming that she had tried to scare me. I rolled my eyes as she grabbed Brendon’s face and practically shoved her tongue down his throat. She held them there for what feels like forever and then she giggles.
“We could take this somewhere more…” She looked over at me in disgust, “Private” She winked at Brendon, who had lip gloss smeared all over his full lips. I clenched my fist before standing up.
“No, you guys can do your thing on the table if you want. I’m out” I hissed, “You coming, Alex?” Alex stood up slowly as Audrey glared at him. He waves goodbye to Brendon awkwardly and we walked out of the cafeteria. I led Alex to the bathroom and as soon as I walked in, I punch a stall, yelling out in anger. I fell to my knees and I found myself crying until my ribs started hurting. Alex wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed into his shoulder until I couldn’t cry anymore.
“You okay now?” He asked as I wiped my face with my sleeve. I shook my head, sniffling. He squeezed me a bit tighter before ruffling my hair and standing up. He extended his hand out to me and I took it, letting him lift me up from the floor.
“You know that was all Audrey” Alex said quietly and it makes me realize that a majority of my anger was directed at Brendon. He didn’t deserve it really, but I couldn’t help it. He could have pushed her away, but then again, I never told him about my stupid feelings for him so he was completely unaware, but it had to be the most obvious thing in the world that I was in love with him. Fuck. I’m in love with Brendon Urie.
“I know” I mumbled and walk over to the sink. I turned the water on and splashed my face with it, sighing softly. Alex leaned against the wall across from the sinks and urinals. I put the water in my hair, pushing it back and then shaking it dry.
“What happened the other day anyways?” He asked. I still haven’t told him. I haven’t even told him about my dad being a drunkard. Some friend I am. The bell rings just as I opened my mouth to speak. We both groaned and walk out to class.
“I’ll tell you later” I promised as we parted ways. When the dismissal bell rang, I realized that Brendon was probably expecting to drive me home since he hadn’t yesterday. I shoved my hands in my pockets and rushed out the front door, but a hand caught me by the elbow. From the way my body reacts, I know who it is before I even turned around.
“You still want that ride home since you bailed on me yesterday?” He asked. He looked disfigured, his hair a mess and his collar flipped up, but I already know what he’s trying to hide on his neck. The anger rushed back into me as I jerked my elbow away.
“No thanks” I said harshly and I stomp off. Brendon doesn’t follow and I’m glad he doesn’t because I started crying again as I walk. My teeth and fist clench and the need to scream was building, but I pushed it down, pushing past students as I walked towards the sidewalk, through the parking lot.
“Ryan!” I heard Alex call, but I ignore him and keep moving. I refused to stop for anything. I refused to stop for anyone. My breathing grew heavier, my heart rate increasing and I find myself running. I don’t feel angry anymore. I’m not running because I’m absolutely pissed. I’m not running because I want to scream or sob until my lungs give out. I’m running because I’m absolutely fucking scared. I’m fucking terrified, but I don’t know what’s so scary. I don’t know what I’m running from until it hits me, causing me to stop abruptly. I’m afraid of loving Brendon, but there’s no escape now.
“Uh hey” I said slowly. Brendon laughed and turned to me. He embraced me and Alex ruffled my hair, causing me to squeak slightly. How fucking embarrassing.
“How cute” Brendon grinned and his fingers somehow laced themselves with mine and I suddenly felt really dizzy. He had to be playing with me and I regretted telling him that I’m gay. We got into line and people were staring again. I hated it.
“You okay?” He looked at me and squeezed my hand and I swear he could feel my pulse from my palms. I nodded and he nudged me gently and smiled. I smiled back shyly. We went through the lunch line and then we all took a seat at our normal table, but it feels weird having Brendon here. He finally let go of my hand.
“So what’s going on with you guy’s other classes?” He asked and he sounded just like his mom did the other night, causing me to smile a bit.
“Photography is great” Alex said, spooning up some of his green jello and stuffing it in his mouth, “US History? Not so much” Brendon laughed at that comment and I find myself laughing too. His laugh is so fucking contagious that it’s almost unbearable.
“What’s going on in photography? I heard you’re one of the best in the system, actually,” Brendon nibbled casually on a roll and I poked my broccoli with a fork. I didn’t plan on eating it because it’s a questionable shade of brown in some places.
“Well since Valentine’s day is rolling around next month, we have to make a collage that represents love” He shrugged, popping a tater tot into his mouth. Brendon chewed on a carrot thoughtfully, his roll back on his tray, looking close to untouched besides the part he had nibbled on.
“You should take pictures of homosexual couples, you know, the whole ‘love is love’ kind of thing” He said casually and I tensed up a bit, but he doesn’t even look over at me, “Females and males of course” he adds and then puts the half eaten carrot on his plate with a sigh.
“That’s actually a good idea” Alex grins, another scoop of jello in his mouth. I grimaced and looked away to catch eye with Pete Wentz and Audrey Kitching. They both were glaring at me so I looked away quickly, but Audrey had already stood up. I could hear her pink high heels clicking against the marble floor, but I didn’t dare look back in her direction.
“Hey, babe!” Audrey said loudly, banging her hand on the table directly in front of me, but her eyes were on Brendon. She was smirking evilly though, confirming that she had tried to scare me. I rolled my eyes as she grabbed Brendon’s face and practically shoved her tongue down his throat. She held them there for what feels like forever and then she giggles.
“We could take this somewhere more…” She looked over at me in disgust, “Private” She winked at Brendon, who had lip gloss smeared all over his full lips. I clenched my fist before standing up.
“No, you guys can do your thing on the table if you want. I’m out” I hissed, “You coming, Alex?” Alex stood up slowly as Audrey glared at him. He waves goodbye to Brendon awkwardly and we walked out of the cafeteria. I led Alex to the bathroom and as soon as I walked in, I punch a stall, yelling out in anger. I fell to my knees and I found myself crying until my ribs started hurting. Alex wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed into his shoulder until I couldn’t cry anymore.
“You okay now?” He asked as I wiped my face with my sleeve. I shook my head, sniffling. He squeezed me a bit tighter before ruffling my hair and standing up. He extended his hand out to me and I took it, letting him lift me up from the floor.
“You know that was all Audrey” Alex said quietly and it makes me realize that a majority of my anger was directed at Brendon. He didn’t deserve it really, but I couldn’t help it. He could have pushed her away, but then again, I never told him about my stupid feelings for him so he was completely unaware, but it had to be the most obvious thing in the world that I was in love with him. Fuck. I’m in love with Brendon Urie.
“I know” I mumbled and walk over to the sink. I turned the water on and splashed my face with it, sighing softly. Alex leaned against the wall across from the sinks and urinals. I put the water in my hair, pushing it back and then shaking it dry.
“What happened the other day anyways?” He asked. I still haven’t told him. I haven’t even told him about my dad being a drunkard. Some friend I am. The bell rings just as I opened my mouth to speak. We both groaned and walk out to class.
“I’ll tell you later” I promised as we parted ways. When the dismissal bell rang, I realized that Brendon was probably expecting to drive me home since he hadn’t yesterday. I shoved my hands in my pockets and rushed out the front door, but a hand caught me by the elbow. From the way my body reacts, I know who it is before I even turned around.
“You still want that ride home since you bailed on me yesterday?” He asked. He looked disfigured, his hair a mess and his collar flipped up, but I already know what he’s trying to hide on his neck. The anger rushed back into me as I jerked my elbow away.
“No thanks” I said harshly and I stomp off. Brendon doesn’t follow and I’m glad he doesn’t because I started crying again as I walk. My teeth and fist clench and the need to scream was building, but I pushed it down, pushing past students as I walked towards the sidewalk, through the parking lot.
“Ryan!” I heard Alex call, but I ignore him and keep moving. I refused to stop for anything. I refused to stop for anyone. My breathing grew heavier, my heart rate increasing and I find myself running. I don’t feel angry anymore. I’m not running because I’m absolutely pissed. I’m not running because I want to scream or sob until my lungs give out. I’m running because I’m absolutely fucking scared. I’m fucking terrified, but I don’t know what’s so scary. I don’t know what I’m running from until it hits me, causing me to stop abruptly. I’m afraid of loving Brendon, but there’s no escape now.