‹ Prequel: Dead And Gone
Status: Finished <3
Why Don't I Just Drop Dead?
2005-2006
Here's the deal. I figured that since my life has been going the best it has in my whole life, I would start off by telling you that I have had the crappiest life. I was a nobody, a nothing, and a loner. I had no taste in music, clothes, or friends. I listened to music my parents put on with no complaints. I threw on whichever shirt I found first and grabbed a pair of jeans that came above my ankles. Nobody wanted to be my friend. I wasn't rich enough for their taste, I couldn't afford what they wore.
I was the "goody-two-shoes" who did whatever my teachers wanted me to do. I got the best grades and people used me to get the answers for homework, classwork, tests, and quizzes. And I didn't stop them. But I didn't get anything in return.
I didn't care about myself, because nobody cared about me. I was bullied and harrassed, verbally and physically. But I couldn't stop it. Every time I went to authorities about it, it just got worse.
I was depressed. I wanted what it seemed like everyone else had...friends. Just one friend would do. One friend to always be there for me, a friend that I could hang out with, that I could eat lunch with.
Instead, I just hung out with my guidance counselor at lunch all year during eighth grade. I would simply bring my food across the hall to her office.
I was your typical "loser":
>Always picked last in gym, if I was ever picked at all,
>Always sitting in the front row,
>Wearing nerdy glasses, while everybody else wore contacts, and well, the list continues on and on.
To add on to my oh so wonderful life, the summer before my last year in middle school, my mother was snatched from me, my brother, and my sister.
While we were all in school, my father went to court against my mother, for what? I don't know.
However, I do know that the judge in charge made it officially illegal to have any contact with her at all. We could not visit her, call her, mail her, email her...absolutely nothing. This made my life even harder.
She was the person that I talked to about almost everything, and that was taken away from me.
To make matters worse, my father thought it was appropriate to have m grandmother come for the whole summer to have a motherly figure take care of us.
That went horribly.
It seemed like she was taking away my life and my privacy. She took my bed and I was left to sleep on my floor, for three months. She went on walks with me and my siblings, when it was supposed to be our alone time.
She and my father both planned to have family meetings every night . They also decided to send us to a summer camp while the court decided to send us to counseling at night as well. We were required to tell them (there were two counselors) what we did that day and how each of those events made us feel.
So, back at school, after about six very painful months, we were allowed to have brief meetings and phone calls with my mom. Emails were read before they were able to be sent. This is how I spent my thirteenth birthday. All I got from my mom that year was an e-card that both my pastor from my old church and my father had the priviledge to read before I even knew it existed.
This whole problem with my family lasted over a year, and it seemed to, temporarily, break us apart. This event would scar me and be with me for life, this will never go away. This was also one of the major reasons why I was such a loner during my eighth grade year.
I also found out about a new high school that would be just opening my freshman year. The only thing was that I had to apply in order to be accepted to go to that school. I wanted to go so badly, I wanted a new start.
I wanted away from my past, my bullies, the people and things that ruined my life and tore it to shreds. The people that are respnsible for my life never being able to be normal, always thinking certain thoughts that nobody should have to think. Those who made me always feel so anxious about myself and took away my self-confidence.
I put so much effort into the essay that needed to be done and waited five long months to hear the answer.
But the day finally came and I realized that I had made it. I had been one of the 270 people accepted out of over 500 students. I was overjoyed, but soon found out that there was nothing to be happy about.
I soon found out that there were people here as well who wanted only the worst for me. They too bullied me, but chose to do it the verbal way.
Let me tell you this, I would have rather been punched in the guts until I got knocked out then go through the emotional and mental pain that I was given.
I was the "goody-two-shoes" who did whatever my teachers wanted me to do. I got the best grades and people used me to get the answers for homework, classwork, tests, and quizzes. And I didn't stop them. But I didn't get anything in return.
I didn't care about myself, because nobody cared about me. I was bullied and harrassed, verbally and physically. But I couldn't stop it. Every time I went to authorities about it, it just got worse.
I was depressed. I wanted what it seemed like everyone else had...friends. Just one friend would do. One friend to always be there for me, a friend that I could hang out with, that I could eat lunch with.
Instead, I just hung out with my guidance counselor at lunch all year during eighth grade. I would simply bring my food across the hall to her office.
I was your typical "loser":
>Always picked last in gym, if I was ever picked at all,
>Always sitting in the front row,
>Wearing nerdy glasses, while everybody else wore contacts, and well, the list continues on and on.
To add on to my oh so wonderful life, the summer before my last year in middle school, my mother was snatched from me, my brother, and my sister.
While we were all in school, my father went to court against my mother, for what? I don't know.
However, I do know that the judge in charge made it officially illegal to have any contact with her at all. We could not visit her, call her, mail her, email her...absolutely nothing. This made my life even harder.
She was the person that I talked to about almost everything, and that was taken away from me.
To make matters worse, my father thought it was appropriate to have m grandmother come for the whole summer to have a motherly figure take care of us.
That went horribly.
It seemed like she was taking away my life and my privacy. She took my bed and I was left to sleep on my floor, for three months. She went on walks with me and my siblings, when it was supposed to be our alone time.
She and my father both planned to have family meetings every night . They also decided to send us to a summer camp while the court decided to send us to counseling at night as well. We were required to tell them (there were two counselors) what we did that day and how each of those events made us feel.
So, back at school, after about six very painful months, we were allowed to have brief meetings and phone calls with my mom. Emails were read before they were able to be sent. This is how I spent my thirteenth birthday. All I got from my mom that year was an e-card that both my pastor from my old church and my father had the priviledge to read before I even knew it existed.
This whole problem with my family lasted over a year, and it seemed to, temporarily, break us apart. This event would scar me and be with me for life, this will never go away. This was also one of the major reasons why I was such a loner during my eighth grade year.
I also found out about a new high school that would be just opening my freshman year. The only thing was that I had to apply in order to be accepted to go to that school. I wanted to go so badly, I wanted a new start.
I wanted away from my past, my bullies, the people and things that ruined my life and tore it to shreds. The people that are respnsible for my life never being able to be normal, always thinking certain thoughts that nobody should have to think. Those who made me always feel so anxious about myself and took away my self-confidence.
I put so much effort into the essay that needed to be done and waited five long months to hear the answer.
But the day finally came and I realized that I had made it. I had been one of the 270 people accepted out of over 500 students. I was overjoyed, but soon found out that there was nothing to be happy about.
I soon found out that there were people here as well who wanted only the worst for me. They too bullied me, but chose to do it the verbal way.
Let me tell you this, I would have rather been punched in the guts until I got knocked out then go through the emotional and mental pain that I was given.