‹ Prequel: Dead And Gone
Status: Finished <3
Why Don't I Just Drop Dead?
2006-2007
My ninth grade year was horrible. But, at the same time, it was one of my best years ever.
My family was back together, shaken but not shattered.
And I had made friends.
I had people to care for me, to help me out of my still remaining thoughts.
But this all wasn't until the middle of the year, January. From August to January, i closed myself off more then I ever had before to keep myself safe.
In January, I met some people who helped me crack open my shell. As much as I was grateful for this, I felt completely exposed. I felt like everybody could see right through me, and I didn't like it.
A lot of things happened to me last year. Embarassing things, such as my bra (black sports thank you!) being exposed when I was racing one of my so called friends to lunch. About fifteen people saw it, but by the next day, I was the talk of the school. Many people came up to me and asked me what happened, and how it felt. I was humiliated and denied what happened. But it was too late, everybody already knew. I couldn't stop it, but people started saying other things, drastic things, that actually were not true.
My life was going horrible, and I just wanted to die. And I would have to, if it weren't for a couple of factors.
One: My fear of death. I'm scared, plain and simple. And many times, I would beat myself up over it. I just wasn't fair. The one thing I wanted, I couldn't have.
Two: My friends and family. As much as I wanted to leave them, I couldn't. I loved and still do love my family, and I can't just leave them. I just can't. I had also made friends, true friends, I couldn't just leave them, could I?
Three: Mibba. Even though I found it after all of this happened, It still helped me in so many ways. I found Mibba through imnotokay.net around the time that I had felt really depressed.
I am so happy that I did as well.
At fiirst, I didn't understand the site at all. But soon, I learned how to read the stories, and they were so cool. The stories all ranged in topics, and they were all so good. When I first found the stories, I was just a silent reader. I would read the author's notes saying to leave comments, but I didn't know how to. Soon enough though, I learned how to comment, and even create stories of my own.
I brought most of my old fan-fic stories from a different site on to here, and I benefitted from it. I started getting comments on my own stories and I loved it.
And I had made friends, but these friends I could and still do trust more than some poeple that I see on a regular basis. So many people give me such great advice and stay with me. I can tell you guys anything, and you won't judge me. I can trust you. When I'm lonely, you are there. When I'm depressed, you make me laugh. When I want to die, you all encourage me to carry on.
Four: Music. But not just music in general.
Fall Out Boy
My Chemical Romance
Panic(!) At The Disco
Green Day
Good Charlotte
Those bands. They gave me the strength, their words and lyrics helped me through so much. It felt as though they were talking to me as an individual, instead of me as an ordinary teenager. I can say that these bands saved my life, and it actually have meaning to it. I may not be the of the oldest members, but I sure as hell am one of the most dedicated.
Because of these factors, I am still alive.
My family was back together, shaken but not shattered.
And I had made friends.
I had people to care for me, to help me out of my still remaining thoughts.
But this all wasn't until the middle of the year, January. From August to January, i closed myself off more then I ever had before to keep myself safe.
In January, I met some people who helped me crack open my shell. As much as I was grateful for this, I felt completely exposed. I felt like everybody could see right through me, and I didn't like it.
A lot of things happened to me last year. Embarassing things, such as my bra (black sports thank you!) being exposed when I was racing one of my so called friends to lunch. About fifteen people saw it, but by the next day, I was the talk of the school. Many people came up to me and asked me what happened, and how it felt. I was humiliated and denied what happened. But it was too late, everybody already knew. I couldn't stop it, but people started saying other things, drastic things, that actually were not true.
My life was going horrible, and I just wanted to die. And I would have to, if it weren't for a couple of factors.
One: My fear of death. I'm scared, plain and simple. And many times, I would beat myself up over it. I just wasn't fair. The one thing I wanted, I couldn't have.
Two: My friends and family. As much as I wanted to leave them, I couldn't. I loved and still do love my family, and I can't just leave them. I just can't. I had also made friends, true friends, I couldn't just leave them, could I?
Three: Mibba. Even though I found it after all of this happened, It still helped me in so many ways. I found Mibba through imnotokay.net around the time that I had felt really depressed.
I am so happy that I did as well.
At fiirst, I didn't understand the site at all. But soon, I learned how to read the stories, and they were so cool. The stories all ranged in topics, and they were all so good. When I first found the stories, I was just a silent reader. I would read the author's notes saying to leave comments, but I didn't know how to. Soon enough though, I learned how to comment, and even create stories of my own.
I brought most of my old fan-fic stories from a different site on to here, and I benefitted from it. I started getting comments on my own stories and I loved it.
And I had made friends, but these friends I could and still do trust more than some poeple that I see on a regular basis. So many people give me such great advice and stay with me. I can tell you guys anything, and you won't judge me. I can trust you. When I'm lonely, you are there. When I'm depressed, you make me laugh. When I want to die, you all encourage me to carry on.
Four: Music. But not just music in general.
Fall Out Boy
My Chemical Romance
Panic(!) At The Disco
Green Day
Good Charlotte
Those bands. They gave me the strength, their words and lyrics helped me through so much. It felt as though they were talking to me as an individual, instead of me as an ordinary teenager. I can say that these bands saved my life, and it actually have meaning to it. I may not be the of the oldest members, but I sure as hell am one of the most dedicated.
Because of these factors, I am still alive.