‹ Prequel: Dead And Gone
Status: Finished <3
Why Don't I Just Drop Dead?
2007-2008
Before the first day of tenth grade, I promised myself that I would change. I would make myself my hyper and more outgoing. I told myself that I wouldn't let what people said get me down.
Over the summer, I had heard a saying that I took a liking to.
"Fake it 'til you make it," or fake it until you don't have to fake it anymore. Until it becomes real. And it worked, it really did.
I had become more outgoing, and more people wanted to hang out with me. They came to me for advice on a lot of things. If they got into a fight with one of their friends, they told me the situation and asked for my help. The same thing went for boys and boyfriends, even though they knew that I had no experience in the matter. They still trusted me enough to give them advice. These same people who didn't even know I existed last year, were now coming to me!
But, as I gained these friends, I realized that I was losing or falling out of touch with all of my friends from last year. The ones that truly did save me from myself.
I lost one of my closest girlfriends and my closest guy friend very, very recently. Thankfully, I was able to redeem myself, but neither of our friendships will ever be the same.
I feel out of touch with everybody else because I had no classes with them. I started wondering, 'What is wrong with me? Am I doing something that I shouldn't be doing?' I still ask that question, and I still don't know the answer.
So, even now today, I feel conscious about myself. I am constantly scared that I will lose yet another friend.
But, even though I feel wanted when people come to me with their problems, I also can't stand it. Because none of them realize that I have my own teenage drama that I need to get worked out. And honestly, I don't think that they care.
So now, I have all of their drama to sort through, and my own personal drama that I need to think about. This all becomes very stresful and it makes it all very hard for me to concentrate in school, and even at home.
My grades have been slipping as well, and both of my parents have talked to me about it.
So, in the past two years, I have seen both sides of the war at school.
The side that the stereotypical people call "loners" and "geeks"
and the other side that stereotypical people call "popular" and a "prep"
My teachers even think that I am "popular"
I will say right now that I am neither of them. I am just me. But, I honestly don't know which side I would rather be on. They both suck. It is not really the truth when they say that the grass is always greener on the other side. Why do we even need to have sides? Its a big bowl of crap to me. The true saying should be 'The grass is a different shade of green on the other side.'
And this is where I stand right now in my life. As you can see, my life is going better then it has been, but it also could be going better. And this, my friends, is my life.
Over the summer, I had heard a saying that I took a liking to.
"Fake it 'til you make it," or fake it until you don't have to fake it anymore. Until it becomes real. And it worked, it really did.
I had become more outgoing, and more people wanted to hang out with me. They came to me for advice on a lot of things. If they got into a fight with one of their friends, they told me the situation and asked for my help. The same thing went for boys and boyfriends, even though they knew that I had no experience in the matter. They still trusted me enough to give them advice. These same people who didn't even know I existed last year, were now coming to me!
But, as I gained these friends, I realized that I was losing or falling out of touch with all of my friends from last year. The ones that truly did save me from myself.
I lost one of my closest girlfriends and my closest guy friend very, very recently. Thankfully, I was able to redeem myself, but neither of our friendships will ever be the same.
I feel out of touch with everybody else because I had no classes with them. I started wondering, 'What is wrong with me? Am I doing something that I shouldn't be doing?' I still ask that question, and I still don't know the answer.
So, even now today, I feel conscious about myself. I am constantly scared that I will lose yet another friend.
But, even though I feel wanted when people come to me with their problems, I also can't stand it. Because none of them realize that I have my own teenage drama that I need to get worked out. And honestly, I don't think that they care.
So now, I have all of their drama to sort through, and my own personal drama that I need to think about. This all becomes very stresful and it makes it all very hard for me to concentrate in school, and even at home.
My grades have been slipping as well, and both of my parents have talked to me about it.
So, in the past two years, I have seen both sides of the war at school.
The side that the stereotypical people call "loners" and "geeks"
and the other side that stereotypical people call "popular" and a "prep"
My teachers even think that I am "popular"
I will say right now that I am neither of them. I am just me. But, I honestly don't know which side I would rather be on. They both suck. It is not really the truth when they say that the grass is always greener on the other side. Why do we even need to have sides? Its a big bowl of crap to me. The true saying should be 'The grass is a different shade of green on the other side.'
And this is where I stand right now in my life. As you can see, my life is going better then it has been, but it also could be going better. And this, my friends, is my life.