Lost Without You

Brian Haner Jr or as his fans know him as Synyster Gates, famous lead guitarist for metal band Avenged Sevenfold; for him family means everything to him. He loves his father no matter how much Papa Gates is pervert, he loves his stepmother Suzy because she was there to help raise his juvenile ass when his biological mother died and he absolutely adores his baby sister, Mckenna. She may be a teen now but he will always see her as his baby sister that he use to babysit when he was a teen. But there is another that he absolutely adores and loves deeply, a woman to be precise, not his step mother or his baby sister that is growing like a weed; it’s his wife, Jessica Haner. Jess -Brian’s nickname for her- is the light to his world and he would do anything for her, even die for her.

Brian has been married to Jessica for five years, but he has known her for almost nine years, meeting her through Jimmy. Before their married life together, both Jess and Brian were only mutual friends of Jimmy and to say they were best friends would be lying. Brian during that time was so deep in his rock star persona -money, drugs and women- and Jess did not like men like that. She is still a headstrong; independent woman that was raised by her father, her mother pulled a vanishing act on Jess when she turned one year old. Jess believed in one man and one woman relationship and seeing Brian with his promiscuous ways with the female population left a bitter taster in her mouth.

Jess only tolerates Brian because of her friendship with Jimmy since Jimmy and Brian are two peas in a pod. For the first years, Jess didn’t hide her distaste toward Brian and he didn’t hide his lust for her either. For a while they kept their dislike for each other under wraps since their fights would causes problems for everyone. But one night Jess was confronted with a very intoxicated Brian that showed up at her doorstep in the middle of the night.


The constant banging against the front door brought an irritated irk to Jess, disrupting her from her Supernatural marathon she was having. Jess had a major bad day at work, so when she came home she just wanted to be left alone for the rest of the night so she could enjoy her TV show of two extremely hot brothers saving innocents lives from demons and other supernatural enemies. Yanking the blanket that was covering her legs off her, Jess marched to the front door where the constant banging continued to echo out. She had a bit of a hard time unlocking the door since she had about four, thanks to Jimmy being paranoid that someone could easily break in and take his best friend away from him. Wrenching the door open, she was ready to tell whoever was hammering on her door to fuck off since they have obviously interrupted her Supernatural time but however that thought vanished when she saw the person leaning against her door frame.

Eyes glazed over, breathe heavy with alcohol and a hint of what Jess could tell from sex or some heavy make out session with an unfortunate female that fell for his charms. Her eyebrow twitched when Brian pushed his way in without an invitation, almost pushing her off her feet. She let out an annoyed sigh as she closed and locked the door once more, listening to Brian stumble all over the place, possibly making a mess for her to clean up once he leaves or kicks his ass out. Marching back to the living room to see Brian sprawled out where she was once sitting; she wrinkled her nose, hoping that he didn’t have any excess of his earlier adventures on her couch. She narrowed her blue eyes, trying all her might to vaporized Brian in the spot for ruining what’s left of her night.
“You I had the most fucking hot woman with a set of huge knockers ready to fuck her senseless but instead I am left with the burning image of you giving me that distain look that you fucking give me whenever you see me. You know what that did for me! Syn Junior down there just fucking went dead and that fucking hot woman just laughed her ass off! You know what that could to my reputation!?” Brian yelled though he slurred with his speech and hiccupped a bit.

Jess had her hand covering her mouth, trying to stop the laughter when she listened to Brian rant about how he couldn’t get laid because of her. Her very low giggles turned into a whole heartily laughter that just annoyed and angered Brian even more.

“What the fuck are you laughing at? Because your constant annoying badgering on my so called behavior, I couldn’t get my juice flowing and have a mind blowing sex!” Brian slurred as he stumbled to stand up but failed and fell back on the couch.

Her laughter got louder, the annoyance she had for him was gone and only amusement was left. Her stomach began to ache from the laughs; Brian drunkenly scowled at her with his alcohol glazed eyes. Once Jess calmed down, she flopped on the couch next to Brian, enjoying the bad mood that Brian was in.

“’Couldn’t get your juice flowing’?” Jess calmed down but the giddiness was still there. “So let get this straight, you were about to get laid with a woman that you dubbed as hot as hell but then you couldn’t step up because of me? I knew my nagging would get through to you one day!”

“Oh shut it, Jess. Each time I tried to make a move, your face kept popping up each fucking time and I am getting tired of it!” Brian explained with a glare.

“Well I’m glad because I’m getting pretty sick and tired of how you treat women like tissue paper, one time use and you get rid of them like they are garbage. I wouldn’t be surprise if you caught something from those women.” Jess said with a bit of distain. But what she didn’t expect was her words to hit Brian like a bucket of cold water.

“You don’t know fucking know anything! Just because I fuck numerous girls and not give a fuck about whether or not about their feelings, they made that fucking decision when they wanted me to fuck them! It’s not like I’m in a fucking committed relationship with a woman and if I was then I would be faithful! I wouldn’t cheat on her with some woman that I met at work or something!” Brian didn’t notice because of the anger and frustrations that build up over the few years blinded the fact that there were tears falling from his brown eyes.

Jess was shocked but then realization came to her; Brian was actually hurting and slowly cracking and his persona of a promiscuous rock star was actually hiding the fractured and true image of himself. He wasn’t Synyster Gates, the cocky guitarist, no he was regular Brian Haner Jr, and the man that got his heart shattered from a girl that he believed was the one. And Brian described of how she broke his heart, Melissa Hartley was the girl of his dreams about four years ago. She was perfect, she had long flawless hair, the bluest eyes and her figure was to be envy by all other females. He was going too proposed to her but then he found out that she was seeing another man, a man that she worked with and was having an intimate and sexual relationship. That day Brian Haner Jr, the lovable and funny guy disappeared and Synyster Gates, the guy that didn’t give a shit about how he treated females, replaced him.

“She really hurt you, didn’t she?” Jess said when a silence of air went by.

“You don’t know shit, so don’t try and act like you give a shit!” Brian mumbled. He rested his arm across his eyes, the outburst tired him out and he could feel a headache coming on.

“On Contrary, I do give a shit even though your habits disturb me. You’re one of Jimmy’s closest and best’s friend, I do care about you whether or not if you believe me. I just don’t like you habits when it comes to women and sex.” Jess explained.

“You know, I believed that about around this time I would be married by now possibly with a little on the way. But instead I’m alone, having one night stand with women that I don’t give a shit about or will see again. To honest, I’m getting tired of all this shit, the parties, the women; I just want to settle down with a woman that isn’t her, someone I could trust and love me for me, you know?” Brian said giving Jess a broken look in his eyes that just her heart clench with sadness.

“Maybe you just haven’t been looking good enough.” Brian gave her a dubious look, like he didn’t understand what she meant. “I mean you have been busy with how a woman looks instead of focusing on what is inside not on the outside. Appearance isn’t always everything; it’s what inside that counts the most.”

“What do you mean, like their entrails or something?” Brian quirked an eyebrow at Jess, his question making her chuckle and earning him a light punch to leather clad arm.

“You know what I mean! And maybe you could find her and I will tell you that she won’t be another Melissa; she’ll be ten times better and beautiful. To be honest, when Jimmy showed me a photo of her, she kind of reminded me of a plastic Barbie doll.” Both Jess and Brian burst out laughing from her comment of Melissa.

“Okay let’s say that you’re right about not focusing on appearance but what’s on the inside, what if I’m too late, what if she was there but I completely ignored her for some Botox bitch? What if I lost my chance of finding that one girl that you talked about, I don’t want to be alone until the day I die despite my actions of late.” Jess just smiled, using her right hand, she wiped away the trail of tears on his face.

“There’s more than one girl on this planet, you still have time, Brian.”

Brian took a deep breathe, wiping whatever moisture what was left on his face before straightening out on the chair. The buzz from the alcohol was slowly diminishing, the weight on his shoulders have somehow vanished and he was feeling a whole lot better than he has felt these past few years. He couldn’t believe that revealed the upmost secret that he kept from everyone but he sure that Jimmy knew that Brian was putting on a poker face for everyone and himself. And now Jess knows, but that didn’t bother him at all despite his history with her, he was actually glad that she knows about what he has been hiding.

“I see you’re watching that sissy ass show about two brothers solving supernatural cases and saving people.” Brian said as he took a look the TV.

“Hey don’t go sassing my two boys! This show is the best since FRIENDS and with the Winchesters boys, there is no sassing allowed at all!” Jess chimed. Brian laughed at her childish antic but didn’t say anything instead he ended up watching the Supernatural Marathon with her.


That night both Jess and Brian became best friends on a whole new level and let’s say that Brian didn’t make any crude remarks about the Winchester boys since he has become rather addicted to the show. And Brian took Jess’s advice to heart, he minimized his one night stands, he started to date and actually got to know the girl more rather than just the color of her underwear and bra. Though that night where Brian bared his weakness and soul would be a secret between him and Jess. This surprise everyone, the change that Brian went through but Jimmy had an idea that Jess had something to do with Brian change but he didn’t say anything, he was happy to see Brian in a better mood.

Jess was proud and shocked that Brian had taken her seriously; she thought that he would just dismiss her words the next day but instead Brian drastically changed, his long figurative list of one night stands has decreased and he was actually treating women with respect than he did before. Her friendship with Brian became stronger and they actually began to hang out with each other more than before. This also shocked everyone as they all know that Jess despised Brian and Brian love to annoy her beyond anything.

Despite Brian’s quest for searching the one girl, he wasn’t having any luck, he would come close to meeting the one girl but in the end they weren’t them. It wasn’t until New Year’s Eve that Brian realized that the one girl that he wants to spend the rest of his life with was standing in front of him the whole time. It was Jess. His former enemy turned best friend was the woman that he has been looking for. It wasn’t clear as day but during the times they hung out together, Brian could feel the attraction to her other than lust that he still feels toward her. It was the little things that he enjoyed seeing Jess do; like how she mutters to herself when she was frustrated, how she had as he dubbed as Eureka moments, consisting of Jess doing fist pumps in the air and letting out a victory cry. Or how she turned into the female version of Jimmy when she had too much caffeine or sugary sweets in her system, Brian enjoyed watching how childish Jess can be especially when she partnered up with Jimmy.

On December 31, 2008, Brian made the decision to actually pursue Jess and he was determined to show Jess the love that had grown for her. But Brian wasn’t the only one that could feel the attraction, Jess had indeed fallen in love with Brian, she wasn’t sure when she had fallen in with Brian but she knew that attraction was there. At 11:59 p.m., seconds away from the New Year, Brian had one thought in mind and that was Jess. The countdown began and the crowd that gathered at Matt’s house echoed throughout the house. Brian was pushing his way through the thick crowd searching for Jess before the time ran out.

“Hey Zee, have you see Jess?” Brian asked when he spotted his green eye friend beside his longtime girlfriend Gena.

“I think I saw her in the patio with Jim and Lee, that’s the last place I saw her.” Zacky said.

Brian muscled his way through people and ignoring women that tried to get his attention. He had only thirty seconds left before the New Year arrived; he finally got to the patio and instantly saw Jess. Her raven color hair stood out the most, her back was toward as she was conversing with Jimmy and Leana as Zacky said. Twenty second left, Brian quickly made his way over to Jess, pulling her way from Jimmy and Leana.

“What the hell- oh hey Bria-” Jess was cut off when she felt a pair soft lips on her own. Time stopped, the world just melted away, only leaving Brian and Jess. Brian wrapped his right arm around Jess’s waist, pulling her closer to him and his left hand was placed on the back of her head. Jess instantly responded back with twice the passion, wrapping her arms around Brian’s neck, meshing their lips closer to together. They faintly hear the cheers and horns indicating the New Year had arrived. Nothing mattered to them, they embraced each other ignoring the crowd and enjoying the burning passionate kiss.

Jimmy let out a triumph yell as he watched Brian and Jess kissing, it was about time that they both got off their asses and admit their love for each other. Excitement flowed through his body; he couldn’t help but pull Leana in another mind blowing kiss. It didn’t matter to Brian and Jess that they were once enemies and they tormented each other, all that mattered was that they found each other in a chaos of mess called life. It wasn’t long that Brian proposed to Jess, within less than a year, Jess became Jessica Haner, wife to Brian Haner Jr.

Brian would always remember the day, he would retell it even though he has mentioned a thousand times. He would tell his future children how he had come to love his wife and the adventures they had up to the moment that they saw the love they have for each other. Brian was able to move on with the help of someone that he never expected to understand him on a level that no one could. He was glad that he interrupted Jess’s night because if not then he wouldn’t be sitting in their room waiting for Jess to tell him the news that she apparently couldn’t tell him over the phone.

The door to the bathroom opened and out walked Jess with smile that made her glow with natural beauty.

“So what did you want to tell me that you couldn’t tell me over the phone?” Brian asked, watching Jess bite her bottom lip.

“I’m pregnant.” A wide smile broke out on Brian’s face. Those two words brought an endless joy to Brian’s life and he couldn’t have it any other way, the only person he wanted to start a family with is with Jess. His former enemy that he soon learned was actually looking out for him, best friend and now wife.