Status: Anus.
Pull Out My Insides
Asher Hugo Ramsay
"Asher? Asher? Asher?! What the fuck is up with you?!" Neva asks, snapping her fingers in front of my face in hope to bring me back to reality.
"Fuck off, Neva," is all I say in response to her.
After glaring at me for a few seconds, she shakes her head and huffs at me. "Asher, what the hell is wrong with you? Ever since all of that shit happened with that bitch, you've been different. You're not the fun Asher anymore. You're just a downer, and honestly, if you keep it up like that, you'll be as much as an outcast as your little whore, Zara."
The words strutting out of her mouth stir up rage inside of me and cause my breath to come out shortly, angrily.
"You know what, Neva? I don't even give a shit. I don't give a shit if I'm an outcast. Even if I became one, I know that I'm still one hell of a better person that you will ever be, and I know that while you'll be prostituting yourself or working at a dead end job, throwing your whole life and dreams away, I'll be living my life the way I want to. I have the intelligence, I have the determination, I can make something out of myself. So, go ahead, throw me to the dogs. I don't give a shit. Just remember who you'll be begging for money or hospitality in about ten or so years. Also, remember who knows ever damn thing about. The most intimate, the most embarrassing, the most dangerous things about you. Just remember that," I finish with a smirk and strut off, leaving my 'friend' behind, slack-jawed, looking like an idiot. But what else is new?
Honestly, today hasn't been too bad. At least until I saw Zara's entry in my yearbook, and then this little dilemma. Every word that Zara wrote caused a little knife to stab my heart in the most painful way possible. But I deserve it, God, do I deserve it.
A few minutes later, my only at least half-decent friend, Bryant, shows up, making me happy that I won't have to think about those wastes of space called my 'friends.'
"So, what are you going to do over summer?" he asks softly.
I just shrug, looking up at the blue, cloudless day.
"Probably just going to sit in my room and brood the whole summer. What are you going to do?" I question.
"Same. Jade's going to be gone half of the summer, so I'll be sitting around and moping. But he promised when he gets back, we're gonna spend the rest of the summer together," he responds with his light green eyes lit up with excitement and a slight pout.
I just chuckle at him. "That sounds great, Bry. God, I just don't know what I'm going to do..." I groan, running my hands through my hair.
"About what?" he asks curiously.
"Zara..." I mutter. "I'm such a fuck up. And she hates me so much..."
"Yeah, you did fuck up," he starts bluntly, "but, she loved you. I mean, feelings like that don't just go away. So, I'm pretty sure that if you really love her and she really loves you, you'll get her back. If you're meant to be together, you'll be together," he tells me, voice drawling out every word smoothly, words flowing together like an ocean. I wish I could talk the way Bryant can. Almost like Luna Lovegood, there's just an almost dreamy tone to his voice.
"Yeah, I guess so..." I mumble.
"Well, I know so. So stop moping. Whatever happens happens. Okay?"
I nod. "Okay."
He smiles softly and nods, looking away, observing everything around us. I really wish that I had more friends like Bryant. I wish that Bryant had more friends other than me and some others also. He used to have a bunch of friends, like I did, but when he found out he was gay, and everyone else found out he was gay, they all dropped him like a hot potato. But I knew that no matter what, nothing would change the fact that he was a great friend and a great person. And his boyfriend, Jade, is pretty awesome, too. But seeing as everyone is an asshole at this school, Bryant has nearly no friends and gets teased and pushed around every day. As well as Zara. And it pisses me off to no extent. Fucking assholes.
☠Time Lapse☠
5. Everyone grabs their bags.
4. Hands twitch, feet move.
3. Clothes rustled.
2. Inch forward slightly.
1. Halfway out of the seat.
Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep!
Thousands of bodies make their way out of the classroom and school as fast as they can, pushing anyone and everyone who gets in their way. I find myself walking at a leisurely gait behind mostly everyone, alone to my iPod and my thoughts. As my eyes land on the one figure that I've never wanted to hold more than this moment, my lips slowly creep into a smile. I walk behind her quietly while she's at her locker in the abandoned hall and tap her on the shoulder. Once she gasps in surprise and jumps slightly, she turns around and glares at me immediately. But not before I can see the emotion in her eyes. Pain. I'm such a fuck up.
"What do you want, Asher?" she asks venomously.
Instead of words finding their way out of my mouth, my eyes find the floor and my shoes. "I... I just... I, um, I wanted to say that... I-I don't know if... if I ever told you... that... I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," I murmur softly, not able to meet her eyes, probably lit up with anger.
"Yeah, well, sorry doesn't cut it. You fucking hurt me. Trust isn't one of my strong points, Asher. I've always been quick to trust and you fucking took advantage of that. Yeah, so you supposedly fell in love with me. Then why didn't you tell me after you did? That you were using me? That I was just a bet? Why did... why did you have to wait?" she asks, her voice full of pain.
"I don't know... I just. I'm so sorry."
"So am I," she shortly replies, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Can... can you just let me please do one thing. Please?" I ask her, finally meeting her tear-filled orbs.
"What is it?" she asks, even though we both know what it is.
"Just... just close your eyes. Please," I beg.
"Fine..." she mutters, closing her eyes, causing a few tears to escape.
Once I wipe away the tears from her pallid cheeks, I take a deep breath, inhaling her floral scent and lean in slowly, taking in her somewhat peaceful face before finally capturing her lips with mine, putting everything that I can into the kiss. I put all of the pain, all of the love, all of the sorrow, all of the apologies into the kiss. As I subconsciously push her gently against the locker, she wraps her arms around me hesitantly, meeting my kiss with her own. A few moments later, we pull away and I rest my forehead on hers, meeting her big green eyes with my own brown ones.
"I'm sorry," I murmur before turning around quickly and jogging away.
"Fuck off, Neva," is all I say in response to her.
After glaring at me for a few seconds, she shakes her head and huffs at me. "Asher, what the hell is wrong with you? Ever since all of that shit happened with that bitch, you've been different. You're not the fun Asher anymore. You're just a downer, and honestly, if you keep it up like that, you'll be as much as an outcast as your little whore, Zara."
The words strutting out of her mouth stir up rage inside of me and cause my breath to come out shortly, angrily.
"You know what, Neva? I don't even give a shit. I don't give a shit if I'm an outcast. Even if I became one, I know that I'm still one hell of a better person that you will ever be, and I know that while you'll be prostituting yourself or working at a dead end job, throwing your whole life and dreams away, I'll be living my life the way I want to. I have the intelligence, I have the determination, I can make something out of myself. So, go ahead, throw me to the dogs. I don't give a shit. Just remember who you'll be begging for money or hospitality in about ten or so years. Also, remember who knows ever damn thing about. The most intimate, the most embarrassing, the most dangerous things about you. Just remember that," I finish with a smirk and strut off, leaving my 'friend' behind, slack-jawed, looking like an idiot. But what else is new?
Honestly, today hasn't been too bad. At least until I saw Zara's entry in my yearbook, and then this little dilemma. Every word that Zara wrote caused a little knife to stab my heart in the most painful way possible. But I deserve it, God, do I deserve it.
A few minutes later, my only at least half-decent friend, Bryant, shows up, making me happy that I won't have to think about those wastes of space called my 'friends.'
"So, what are you going to do over summer?" he asks softly.
I just shrug, looking up at the blue, cloudless day.
"Probably just going to sit in my room and brood the whole summer. What are you going to do?" I question.
"Same. Jade's going to be gone half of the summer, so I'll be sitting around and moping. But he promised when he gets back, we're gonna spend the rest of the summer together," he responds with his light green eyes lit up with excitement and a slight pout.
I just chuckle at him. "That sounds great, Bry. God, I just don't know what I'm going to do..." I groan, running my hands through my hair.
"About what?" he asks curiously.
"Zara..." I mutter. "I'm such a fuck up. And she hates me so much..."
"Yeah, you did fuck up," he starts bluntly, "but, she loved you. I mean, feelings like that don't just go away. So, I'm pretty sure that if you really love her and she really loves you, you'll get her back. If you're meant to be together, you'll be together," he tells me, voice drawling out every word smoothly, words flowing together like an ocean. I wish I could talk the way Bryant can. Almost like Luna Lovegood, there's just an almost dreamy tone to his voice.
"Yeah, I guess so..." I mumble.
"Well, I know so. So stop moping. Whatever happens happens. Okay?"
I nod. "Okay."
He smiles softly and nods, looking away, observing everything around us. I really wish that I had more friends like Bryant. I wish that Bryant had more friends other than me and some others also. He used to have a bunch of friends, like I did, but when he found out he was gay, and everyone else found out he was gay, they all dropped him like a hot potato. But I knew that no matter what, nothing would change the fact that he was a great friend and a great person. And his boyfriend, Jade, is pretty awesome, too. But seeing as everyone is an asshole at this school, Bryant has nearly no friends and gets teased and pushed around every day. As well as Zara. And it pisses me off to no extent. Fucking assholes.
☠Time Lapse☠
5. Everyone grabs their bags.
4. Hands twitch, feet move.
3. Clothes rustled.
2. Inch forward slightly.
1. Halfway out of the seat.
Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep!
Thousands of bodies make their way out of the classroom and school as fast as they can, pushing anyone and everyone who gets in their way. I find myself walking at a leisurely gait behind mostly everyone, alone to my iPod and my thoughts. As my eyes land on the one figure that I've never wanted to hold more than this moment, my lips slowly creep into a smile. I walk behind her quietly while she's at her locker in the abandoned hall and tap her on the shoulder. Once she gasps in surprise and jumps slightly, she turns around and glares at me immediately. But not before I can see the emotion in her eyes. Pain. I'm such a fuck up.
"What do you want, Asher?" she asks venomously.
Instead of words finding their way out of my mouth, my eyes find the floor and my shoes. "I... I just... I, um, I wanted to say that... I-I don't know if... if I ever told you... that... I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," I murmur softly, not able to meet her eyes, probably lit up with anger.
"Yeah, well, sorry doesn't cut it. You fucking hurt me. Trust isn't one of my strong points, Asher. I've always been quick to trust and you fucking took advantage of that. Yeah, so you supposedly fell in love with me. Then why didn't you tell me after you did? That you were using me? That I was just a bet? Why did... why did you have to wait?" she asks, her voice full of pain.
"I don't know... I just. I'm so sorry."
"So am I," she shortly replies, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Can... can you just let me please do one thing. Please?" I ask her, finally meeting her tear-filled orbs.
"What is it?" she asks, even though we both know what it is.
"Just... just close your eyes. Please," I beg.
"Fine..." she mutters, closing her eyes, causing a few tears to escape.
Once I wipe away the tears from her pallid cheeks, I take a deep breath, inhaling her floral scent and lean in slowly, taking in her somewhat peaceful face before finally capturing her lips with mine, putting everything that I can into the kiss. I put all of the pain, all of the love, all of the sorrow, all of the apologies into the kiss. As I subconsciously push her gently against the locker, she wraps her arms around me hesitantly, meeting my kiss with her own. A few moments later, we pull away and I rest my forehead on hers, meeting her big green eyes with my own brown ones.
"I'm sorry," I murmur before turning around quickly and jogging away.
