Pull Out My Insides

I begrudgingly awake from my nap and get up as I hear the tone alerting me that I’ve gotten a text. How the hell did I get a text? I have nearly no one’s number in here and Mom and Dad usually just call me. But I check the name of the person texting me and groan. Seriously? He put his name in my phone and labeled himself ‘Sexy Asher?’ God, he’s so fucking conceited. I notice his simple ‘hey’ and furiously type into my tiny keyboard. Fucking keyboard. Once I finish the message, I grin in triumph at my message and read it over once more.

‘Look, I don’t know why you keep fucking trying to talk to me, but just stop it, okay? I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t need anyone’s fucking pity. And just by assessing this situation, I’m nearly positive that you’re not the tiniest bit sincere. I know that you really don’t want to talk to me, and I really don’t want to talk to you. So do us both a favor and stop fucking trying.’ And I press the little button labeled “send” with no regrets whatsoever.

I just run my hands through my bright red hair and fall back on my bed. It’s pretty curious how even though my hair stands out so much, no one notices me and it just makes me more… Zara. More… tacky. It makes me more unusual and more of an outsider. Once more, the ping on my phone alerts me that I have a text and instead of reading it, I just throw my phone across the room onto a pile of clothes and throw myself onto the bed again, reading a Steampunk book. As I open the book, all of my thoughts about school, about Neva, and about Asher all rush away as thoughts of another world, a mere fantasy fills my thoughts completely. A few hours later, I shut the book with a thick thud and nearly immediately fall into a deep, sleep full of dreams and premonitions.

The shrill ring of the alarm clock drags me from the comfort of my own mind at the early time of 6:30 A.M. and I throw some clothes on quickly after spending about 15 minutes on my computer, like I do every morning. It’s my little routine. After taking my medication, taking my vitamin, and grabbing my usual lunch of beef jerky and an orange, I rush into the car after my dad, eager to get to school and not risk getting more unexcused check-ins and possibly getting another Saturday school. God, that was horrible. Being stuck in a room full of adolescent, immature fools for 4 hours is not my paradisaical way of spending my Saturdays. As soon as I weave my way through the cafeteria to my favorite secluded spot, I open my book once again and start to sift through the pages and find where I left off last. Finally, I find it and start to take in the words hungrily, hungry for a release from this world, hungry for ideas to occupy my brain and for the words to take up all of the space in my head and not leave any for drama and hurt. A little while after I start reading, a tap on my shoulder brings me out of my other world and causes me to look up in curiosity. Probably someone wanting to take the table for themselves. But I’m completely surprised as I take in the sheepish smile of a familiar, yet unfamiliar figure.

“Suzanna?” I ask quietly.

She nods awkwardly and I just stare at her in confusion.

“Look, I just… I’m really tired of them. I’m tired of Neva’s constantly putting everyone down—including me. I’m tired of Buffy—my own cousin—not even standing up for me. I’m tired of seeing what they do to people like you and how they get their kicks. I’ll admit, I was like them, but I’m just… I’m tired of it. When I came here, I only knew Buffy, so I went with what she did so that I wouldn’t be alone or picked on. But I’m tired of it, and even thought Neva always complains about you and shit, I know that you were a really good friend to her. And I could really use a friend like you. So could you consider… maybe giving me a chance?”

As she reaches the finish of her speech, she takes a deep breath and my jaw nearly unhinges from its socket. Suzanna Cade is apologizing to me and asking to be my friend? Fuck… I don’t know if she’s being sincere or if she’s just trying to get stuff out of me to spread around the school… I can’t really trust anyone at the school… but the look in her eyes is so sincere, I think that she’s really being genuine.

“How can I know that you’re being sincere about it?” I ask desperately.

“By the fact that I’ve never really done anything to you. Think about it, it’s only been Buffy and Neva. I never saw the point. And frankly, they’re just pissing me off more and more these days. I just… I just need to get away from them.”

Come to think of it, she’s right. It has only been Neva and Buffy. Well, Asher, too, but he doesn’t really count. Fucker. So I nod once.

“Okay.”

She looks like she’s about to squeal, and before I can stop it, she lets it out.

“Okay, cool!”

I inwardly groan. What have I gotten myself into?