Perfectly Dysfunctional

“How could you not tell me about this?” Emma cried down the phone.

“Eh, excuse me! If I remember correctly, I left you how many messages and called you how many times?” I retaliated and grinned when she was silent for a second.

“Hey, you know my phone was broken! And my mum didn’t give me a new one... But still! You couldn’t have said in one of those texts ‘oh by the way, me and Nath fucked’?”

“Emma we didn’t-!” I lowered my voice, “We didn’t fuck!”

She sounded smug when she spoke again, “That’s what you get. I can’t believe I had to find out on Radio 1! Radio 1, Jenny!”

I sighed, “Well if you’d have picked up your phone-”

“Don’t gimme that!” she laughed, “And be glad I called you right now or I’d be in there with them questioning Nath about it!” My eyes bugged a little; that was true. The Wanted were at Radio 1 all day today for their Live Lounge and for interviews and then they had a photo shoots with some magazines. Emma had travelled down to London to meet them there and was coming back home with them so she could spend Christmas and New Year with us – oh, and it was December second right now. Emma’s phone had been broken for months now, and she’d just gotten it fixed. Why not use MSN or Skype, you cry? Her sister had managed to break her laptop beyond repair and her mum refused to buy her a new one. Needless to say Emma’s sister got the living shit beat out of her. Emma also lived in her own flat and didn’t have a house phone claiming it was cheaper without one. Anyway, apparently the fans had been sending in questions to the Live Lounge and one had asked ‘do you have girlfriends?’ Nathan answered with something along the lines of ‘we’re all taken right now apart from Jay’, and they had a little laugh about how Jay was a ‘free agent’. Emma hadn’t yet made it to London because her train got cancelled, so she was on her way down and was listening to it on the journey when she’d heard Nathan say this. She’d immediately got out her brand new phone and dialled my number, and I soon as I answered with ‘oh my God I’ve missed you how are you?’, she fired ‘my phone broke, I was going to just surprise you when I got to your front door, but what the FUCK?’

And so the conversation goes... “Well don’t do that!” I hurried and I heard her laughing.

“I was gonna say tell me what happened but don’t; save that for when I get there-”

I cut her off, “I can’t believe you’re coming here and I didn’t even know about it.”

“Tell me about it! I didn’t know they were planning it until I read it on Twitter last night! It cost me most of my wages to get down here today; it costs more if you buy tickets last minute,” she laughed.

“Well either way I’m glad you’re coming.” I leaned on the island in the kitchen.

“Me too; but answer me this or I’ll ask Nath when I see him...” she said in a curious voice and I gulped before telling her to go on, “Have you seriously fucked him yet?”

I groaned and let my head fall onto the counter, “No, Emma, I haven’t- And he hasn’t fucked me either!” I added on quickly because I knew her next question was going to be ‘well has he fucked you?’

“What? It works both ways! I have to know these things! Okay seriously I’m getting weird looks-”

“I wonder why,” I mumbled but grinned through my words.

“...So I’ll see you soon, okay? Bye Sykes!” she sung then hung up.

She was so dead when she got here.

I heard the front door open and grinned as I headed out to meet Nareesha and Michelle in the hallway, “Hi guys,” I said cautiously. Nareesha was very near her due date – only a couple of weeks away from it – and so was a tad on edge... only a little more than usual.

“Hi Jenny,” she said breathlessly but grinned nonetheless. I took this to be she was in a good mood and glanced to Michelle for confirmation and she smiled a cheesy smile and stuck both her thumbs up as Nareesha pretty much waddled to the sofa. You may call it bitchy, we call it humorous.

“You want a drink?” I asked her and she rested her head on the back of the sofa.

“Please!” I ran to the kitchen to pour her a glass of water. A few seconds later Michelle started talking to me as I handed Nareesha her drink and she thanked me.

“You would not believe how cold it is out there. There’s black ice all over the road that they somehow failed to mention in the weather report,” she glared away at nothing, “It’s definitely going to snow soon.” I grinned as I sat down and Michelle pulled a face, “Why do you like snow?”

“Because we never get snow at Christmas time. We get like, rain... And then the snow comes in like, March, sometimes even April. It’s getting later every year,” I laughed, “Although... last year on Christmas day, I went up to Emma’s house quite late at night, and it snowed a little at like, half eleven at night, but not enough to land.”

Michelle and Nareesha shared a glance, “You’re in for some treat, then.” Nareesha said and I clapped my hands together.

“Oh! Can we decorate the house?” Michelle asked me, “I mean, when they’re gone. Otherwise it either won’t get done, or it’ll be way overdone and look terrible.”

“In that case yes, let’s decorate. Can we do it tomorrow though?” I asked and Michelle nodded, “So Emma called me...” I started and they both looked at me.

“She did?”

“Yup,” I popped the ‘p’, “And she’s pissed,” I laughed.

“Why’s she pissed?” Nareesha asked with a frown.

“Well, she’s been out of the loop for so long that she never knew about me and Nathan...” I trailed off as they grinned. I rolled my eyes; even after nearly a month they still got excited about it and it still made me feel a bit weird when they did – you’d think by now I’d be used to it, but no, “Anyway, apparently they’re doing their Radio 1 interview and someone asked if they had girlfriends, and they said all of them did except Jay, and she heard it and freaked out then called me.”

They both laughed, “Well that’s so Emma,” Nareesha smiled. “I miss her!” she then exclaimed and I smirked.

“Me too,” Michelle chimed in and pouted.

“Well,” I held up a finger, “Apparently she was gonna keep it a secret but she ‘forgot’ about that to shout at me,” I trailed off and laughed, “When she woke up this morning she had a couple of DM’s on Twitter from them, and she’s coming back with them to spend Christmas and New Year.”

Nareesha and Michelle squealed, “Are you serious?!” Nareesha stopped and double checked.

“As if I’d joke about that; I’m just off the phone to her,” I beamed and they cheered.

“Hey, this means we can wait and decorate when she gets here,” Nareesha said, “With me and her combined, they won’t want to come anywhere near here until we’re done – and then we can just do it all again at my house!” she grinned and we high fived her.

“You’re a genius,” I commented and felt my phone buzz in my back pocket. I pulled it out and saw I had a new text from Emma.

I’m with your husband. ;)

Even though it made me smile, she was most definitely dead the second she stepped into this house.