Marching On

Light orchestra music played as guests entered into the large mouth of Westminster Abbey, Lavin could hear it as she approached the massive church.

"How's my hat?" she asked Gen. Her hand hovered just above the peach hat that took a half hour to set so that it wouldn't ruin the low chignon her blond hair was twisted into.

"You look beautiful, Lav, one-hundred percent," Gen affirmed, smiling.

Gen had been smiling all day--since they got up this morning, while getting ready, and the whole ride to the Abbey.

Lavin tried to smile all day, like Gen. She even hoped that some of Gen's excitement would rub off on her--but it hadn't. And she knew it wouldn't.

The fake smile she wore for pictures and in greeting others was wearing thin. There was too much negativity weighing on her conscience to enjoy herself.

"Can I escort you down the aisle, ma'am?" An extended elbow came into her periphery.

It was Ben.

"It's terribly sad when you need to have your brother escort you down the aisle." Lavin spoke out of the side of her mouth to Gen, but intentionally loud enough for Ben to hear.

Ben rolled his eyes. "If your boyfriend wasn't busy playing best man then I'm sure he would gladly take you to your seat."

"Perhaps," Lavin muttered as she linked arms with her brother.

Ben hummed. "Still not good after that altercation?"

Lavin shrugged. "I can't even say, Ben. I think so...we spent the night together afterwards. Apologized, and what not."

"Then your fine! Harry lets things roll off his back, no problem."

"Mhm," Lavin said as they continued into the church. She didn't have the heart to tell him that Harry wasn't the bulletproof man Ben sometimes thought.

Even if Harry didn't say so she knew she'd hurt him all those years ago with that phone call and then again that night at dinner.

Lavin had been struggling with her guilt ever since. That night had been the first time she heard Harry's feelings on their breakup. She was heartbroken.

Harry came to say goodbye to her the night before he left for his expedition. They didn't speak at all while Harry was away-- there was no service in the North Pole.

There had been silence between them until last night when she received a text. It was from Harry stating simply that he would see her at the wedding.

__

Lavin was surprised when she and the rest of her family seats were directly in the front of the isle just a column down from Harry's family.

"I guess we're seated by rank," Lavin whispered to her brother.

They both eyed the nametags on the chairs. They were very formally referred to as the HRH CROWN PRINCESS OF DENMARK and HRH PRINCE BENJAMIN.

"Eck," Ben stuck out his tongue. "Leave it to the Brits to be so formal."

"Protocol is protocol."

Lavin and Ben looked to their younger brother Alex who had sidled up beside them before taking his seat.

They took their seats too.

Lavin made idle chit-chat with her cousins and brothers until the music changed, indicating the walk of the groom and best man down the aisle.

Her gut lurched. She probably even lost color in her cheeks when she first caught sight of Harry pass through the chorus corridor.

He was tugging at his right sleeve cuff, constantly checking it for something. His wind-burned cheeks nearly matched his hair and the black Blues and Royals uniform only enhanced his ruddy complexion.

Butterflies came to life in the pit of her stomach. It was an unexpected giddy feeling in lieu of all the terrible ones that were thrashing about.

Harry looked great today. A perfectly polished prince.

The feeling in her stomach made her realize how much she missed him these past two weeks.

Harry gave the tiniest of tiny waves in her direction, his lips tugging at the corners. Lavin felt the first real smile grace her lips now, and waved back as discreetly as she could.

__

Lavin's mood was on the rise until Kate walked down the aisle arm-in-arm with her father. Her happiness completely left her when she saw them.

Kate was the essence of beauty and joy today. She seemed to glow even from under her veil.

This had been Kate's dream since she'd fallen in love with William. Lavin could only call it a fairytale. Then it got her thinking...

Would she ever get her fairytale?

Much of her life was up in the air. Much of it was leaning towards a life without Harry by her side.

Her dad was continuing to struggle with his cancer--another tumor had just been removed two weeks ago. Treatment was rigorous as ever, trying to eliminate any and all tumors found.

He had been too weak to travel for the wedding. Mother stayed home to be with him.

How much longer did he have?

Have what? Lavin questioned herself. To live? To go with recovery until he entered remission?

No answer was definite. No future was clear.

Two paths unfolded before her. One where she would stay crown princess for decades longer and be able to marry the man she loved. The other one was where her father doesn't overcome the cancer, she becomes queen far younger than anyone expected, and is forced to find and marry someone due to her country's expectation.

Suddenly she felt like a fraud, a liar. Harry was unaware of how he was becoming less and less of a presence in her life while her duty to her country was becoming the priority.

Who was she kidding? She was a dirty liar.

Harry should have known since day one. It would have given him more options on what he could do before even more emotions were invested into their relationship.

But Lavin was kidding herself if she thought Harry had options. There were no options. For her it was either breakup or abdicate.

And abdicating would never be an option.

Lavin felt a heavy hand bear down on her shoulder, giving it a firm shake.

"Daydreaming?" Alex asked her.

Lavin blinked. It took a moment to register her youngest brother but she finally nodded. "Yeah," she answered briefly.

"Whoa, you're really out of it."

"Mm." Lavin swiped at her brow and looked around the expansive church. People were standing, stretching, beginning to make their exits.

She'd missed the entire ceremony.