Its like a dream come true.
Secrets.
So after everyone gets ready we head out on a train to London to go to Pjs party. All five of us inhabited a small corner on train and stayed there. It was actually pretty fun. At our stop we got off and started to take walk to Pjs. Once we got there there were a good amount of people.
"Ahh! The lovely new couple!" Pj yelled while opening the door to see me and Dan. Pj took me around and introduced me to his friends as 'Dan's new girlfriend' which made me blush every time it was said. I then introduced Alexis to everyone since she wasn't at our last party to meet everyone. Afterwards I go to find Dan and I see him and Chris talking in the corner of the kitchen and they looked like they we're slightly arguing. I decided to wait and try and hear what they were saying.
"I'm just saying she seems a bit freaky. I checked out her tumblr and stuff, she reblogs some pretty weird shit. Other than the bands and body modification stuff, shes always talking about gore, ad horror and really creepy shit. Also, some really depressing stuff and stuff about self harm. I feel like she isn't very you know.. stable." Chris says.
"She's one to the most 'stable' people i've met, shes amazing, funny, to me shes pretty much perfect. Why were you stalking out her stuff anyway??" Dan sounded a bit angry.
"I was curious into what she is into, I could just tell by looking at her that she's a bit off. I mean, she dressed like a freak!" Chris argues back.
"I happen to like the way she looks, and if anything I expected you to be supportive of me with my first girlfriend in 3 years! Also, I really really care about her, more than anyone i've been with. I'm done talking about this, just accept that she makes me happy and deal with it!" I hear Dan starting to storm off and I quickly run back into the living room so he doesn't notice me.
"Hey babe!" I smile up at him as he sits down next to me. He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek then sits down.
After about a 45 minute period of Dan saying absolutely nothing and just staring out into space I started to get a bit worried.
"Hey, you ok?" I ask shaking him a bit, snapping him out of his concentration.
"Uh.. yea... yea I am..." He drifts off. "Can we talk outside for a little, outside?" Oh god, what is happening.
"Uh... sure." We both get up and go to head out the door.
"Where you guys going?" Pj asks walking out from his kitchen.
"Just out for some air for a bit. We'll be back quickly." Dan awkwardly says while heading out the door and I slowly follow behind him, closing the door behind me.
"Is this about the stuff Chris said? Cause I heard all of it." I ask as we find a place to sit down a couple buildings down from Pj's.
"Oh.. Uh, you heard that??" He asks and I nod. "Well, ya, kinda. I just wanted to ask, are you.. you know.. okay?" I give him a very confused look. "What he said about your tumblr. Tumblr is a place where a lot of people get out their true feelings, and he said that there was really creepy gory stuff, and stuff about depression, anxiety, self harm. I wanted to know if you're ok... Allora you know I care about you a lot, I just want to make sure you're perfectly ok." I curl my lips and look down and away from him and he moves closer to me.
I pull my hoodie sleeve down a little and he notices. He grabs my arm and holds it in front of him. He slides up my sleeve but my arm is still covered in multiple bracelets, including the one he gave me. He moves the bracelets apart from each other too see scars, kind of new cuts, and even some burn marks. I look up at him to see him still staring at my arm. I see looks of sadness and disappointment in his eyes. I quickly pull my arm back and quickly cover my arm with my sleeve yet again. He looks at me with misty eyes then down at the ground. He suddenly stands up from the bench and walks to Pj's front door.
"Hey, we're gunna head home. She doesn't feel good, she doesn't handle alcohol too well. Phil, are the rest of you guys ok to head back whenever? Cool." I overhear him say.
The rest of the way back to the apartment was compleatly silent. I couldn't help feel like this is going to drive him away, like this is going to make him loose feeling for me. I should have told him from the start. I started thinking of what to say once we got home. The ride on the lift up to our floor was terribly tense and awkward. Once our floor hit we both rushed for his flat.
"Okay, I'm sorry you had to find out this way, I was going to tell you, I was going to explain everything, and how i'm quitting, but I just didn't know how." I rush to get out while sitting on the couch.
"It's fine, I'm glad you're stopping, I'm very happy. I just want to know the reasons why, and how I can help. I want to make you okay Allora, no matter what it takes." He grabs my hand and squeezes tight.
"All I want to tell you right now, is that earlier in my life was a really rough time for me. Like REALLY rough. Also, I've never considered myself to be the most mentally stable in my life. Theres always been something messed up about me...." I drift off as a tear starts to fall from my eye.
"Oh.. is there any way I can help? At all?" He asks bringing me into a tight hug.
"Make me happy. That's all I ask. Make and keep me happy." I say gripping his arm and squeezing it tight.
"Trust me babe, I will try everything in my power to make you the happiest girl in the world." He whispers to me then kisses the top of my head. "I promise." He interlocks his pinky with mine and I couldn't help but cry at this point. After about 5 minutes of me crying and him holding me I slowly drift off to sleep in his grasp. That seems to be the only place i'm truly comfortable anymore. The last thing I remember hearing him say before I fall asleep is "I promise." One more time while squeezing my pinky with his own then letting go.
"Ahh! The lovely new couple!" Pj yelled while opening the door to see me and Dan. Pj took me around and introduced me to his friends as 'Dan's new girlfriend' which made me blush every time it was said. I then introduced Alexis to everyone since she wasn't at our last party to meet everyone. Afterwards I go to find Dan and I see him and Chris talking in the corner of the kitchen and they looked like they we're slightly arguing. I decided to wait and try and hear what they were saying.
"I'm just saying she seems a bit freaky. I checked out her tumblr and stuff, she reblogs some pretty weird shit. Other than the bands and body modification stuff, shes always talking about gore, ad horror and really creepy shit. Also, some really depressing stuff and stuff about self harm. I feel like she isn't very you know.. stable." Chris says.
"She's one to the most 'stable' people i've met, shes amazing, funny, to me shes pretty much perfect. Why were you stalking out her stuff anyway??" Dan sounded a bit angry.
"I was curious into what she is into, I could just tell by looking at her that she's a bit off. I mean, she dressed like a freak!" Chris argues back.
"I happen to like the way she looks, and if anything I expected you to be supportive of me with my first girlfriend in 3 years! Also, I really really care about her, more than anyone i've been with. I'm done talking about this, just accept that she makes me happy and deal with it!" I hear Dan starting to storm off and I quickly run back into the living room so he doesn't notice me.
"Hey babe!" I smile up at him as he sits down next to me. He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek then sits down.
After about a 45 minute period of Dan saying absolutely nothing and just staring out into space I started to get a bit worried.
"Hey, you ok?" I ask shaking him a bit, snapping him out of his concentration.
"Uh.. yea... yea I am..." He drifts off. "Can we talk outside for a little, outside?" Oh god, what is happening.
"Uh... sure." We both get up and go to head out the door.
"Where you guys going?" Pj asks walking out from his kitchen.
"Just out for some air for a bit. We'll be back quickly." Dan awkwardly says while heading out the door and I slowly follow behind him, closing the door behind me.
"Is this about the stuff Chris said? Cause I heard all of it." I ask as we find a place to sit down a couple buildings down from Pj's.
"Oh.. Uh, you heard that??" He asks and I nod. "Well, ya, kinda. I just wanted to ask, are you.. you know.. okay?" I give him a very confused look. "What he said about your tumblr. Tumblr is a place where a lot of people get out their true feelings, and he said that there was really creepy gory stuff, and stuff about depression, anxiety, self harm. I wanted to know if you're ok... Allora you know I care about you a lot, I just want to make sure you're perfectly ok." I curl my lips and look down and away from him and he moves closer to me.
I pull my hoodie sleeve down a little and he notices. He grabs my arm and holds it in front of him. He slides up my sleeve but my arm is still covered in multiple bracelets, including the one he gave me. He moves the bracelets apart from each other too see scars, kind of new cuts, and even some burn marks. I look up at him to see him still staring at my arm. I see looks of sadness and disappointment in his eyes. I quickly pull my arm back and quickly cover my arm with my sleeve yet again. He looks at me with misty eyes then down at the ground. He suddenly stands up from the bench and walks to Pj's front door.
"Hey, we're gunna head home. She doesn't feel good, she doesn't handle alcohol too well. Phil, are the rest of you guys ok to head back whenever? Cool." I overhear him say.
The rest of the way back to the apartment was compleatly silent. I couldn't help feel like this is going to drive him away, like this is going to make him loose feeling for me. I should have told him from the start. I started thinking of what to say once we got home. The ride on the lift up to our floor was terribly tense and awkward. Once our floor hit we both rushed for his flat.
"Okay, I'm sorry you had to find out this way, I was going to tell you, I was going to explain everything, and how i'm quitting, but I just didn't know how." I rush to get out while sitting on the couch.
"It's fine, I'm glad you're stopping, I'm very happy. I just want to know the reasons why, and how I can help. I want to make you okay Allora, no matter what it takes." He grabs my hand and squeezes tight.
"All I want to tell you right now, is that earlier in my life was a really rough time for me. Like REALLY rough. Also, I've never considered myself to be the most mentally stable in my life. Theres always been something messed up about me...." I drift off as a tear starts to fall from my eye.
"Oh.. is there any way I can help? At all?" He asks bringing me into a tight hug.
"Make me happy. That's all I ask. Make and keep me happy." I say gripping his arm and squeezing it tight.
"Trust me babe, I will try everything in my power to make you the happiest girl in the world." He whispers to me then kisses the top of my head. "I promise." He interlocks his pinky with mine and I couldn't help but cry at this point. After about 5 minutes of me crying and him holding me I slowly drift off to sleep in his grasp. That seems to be the only place i'm truly comfortable anymore. The last thing I remember hearing him say before I fall asleep is "I promise." One more time while squeezing my pinky with his own then letting go.