If We Can't Break The Silence, How Can We Survive?
Ten.
Ray of lights coming from the sun entered the room as the curtains were being opened, causing me to squint my eyes and immediately wake up.
“Wake up sleepy head! You missed the bus again,” Liz chuckled.
I sat up in her bed rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I looked up to find her ironing her cheer uniform, naked. Well not completely naked; she was in her bra and underwear. It kind of freaked me out so I immediately covered my eyes and looked away. She laughed at my actions and said, “Do I look that bad!?” I, of course, didn’t ‘hear’ this, so she threw one of her plush dolls at me to get my attention. I turned my head slowly, spreading my fingers and squinting my eyes so I wouldn't see her exposed body.
She laughed at me again saying, “It’s okay, you can look. I just wanna ask you something.”
I looked up at her properly, but not looking anywhere passed her face. I threw her a questioning look and she replied with asking, “Do you think I’m fat? Answer me honestly.”
I was kind of taken aback at that question ‘cause she couldn’t be serious, but I was gonna give her my honest answer.
I realized that I had only seen her with her clothes on and that I had no idea what her actual body looked like, so I looked at it before giving her my answer.
Before I could even inspect all the parts of her body, looking at her just standing there I realized that she wasn’t exactly skinny. I mean, she wasn’t fat either, what-so-ever, but she had some meat on her bones. She was definitely curvy; having wide hips and thickish thighs, but she wasn't pudgy at all. Her skin was tight; toned. She was very...umm, chesty, I guess you could put it. And she kind of had broad shoulders, making her chest look even more bigger, perkier. She was also kind of tall (well taller than me, but who isn't?), like 5'5'' or 5'6''. And I guess I could see why she thought she was fat. She wasn't really petite, but that was because she actually had a real body. To me, this was what a woman should look like. Not many girls these days had a body like hers, they were usually bony and way too skinny for their own good. It was ridiculous and disgusting. I mean, why would you want to look like a flat chested twelve year old when you were a senior in high school? This had to be peer pressure coming from her cheer mates. If not, I was willing to bet my life that it was most definitely coming from Vic.
And then I knew the answer that I was going to give her. I looked straight into her eyes; wanting her to know that I meant what I was going to say...or gesture.
I shook my head at her and she just sighed, going back to her ironing.
“You know, I believe you. I just don’t think I am. I mean, I used to think I had an okay body, but Vic is always telling me what to eat and what I do eat is bad. Like if I snack on anything she’ll bitch at me and tell me I shouldn’t be eating it ‘cause I’m just gonna get fatter. She says she doesn’t want me to make the team look bad. She also says that I’m getting fat and that if I want to help myself, I should just starve ‘cause it’s faster to lose weight that way.
And well, prom is coming up and I want to be able to look good and fit into my dress. I guess she's kind of helping me in a way. You know, giving me motivation. But sometimes...she just makes me feel so low, like I’m shit. And I fucking hate it Frank. But I don’t wanna lose her you know? Even though she’s a bitch most of the time, she can also understand me. She’s always there for me when I need her. Well, sometimes. She can be a real friend when she has or wants to be. She’s so much different inside school though. I think she just wants people to think that no one can mess with her and that she has control over everything. I don’t blame her though, the people at our school are pretty tough and harsh on us. I guess that’s just the way it has to be.”
Her voice was shaky and she was almost in tears at this point, but she wouldn’t let them fall. Looks like I won the bet.
I don’t think I was supposed to hear any of that, so I didn’t do anything. I just gave her that stupid blank stare that I always give everyone. You bastard.
She looked up at me and sighed heavily, putting the iron down and dressing into her uniform.
“You know Frank, I wish I could tell you these things. Like my problems and shit. Personal stuff. But you can’t hear me and that just fucks it all up. I don’t know, something just tells me that I could trust you. And it's a hell of a lot better than telling Vic. I don't want her to be the one that I confide in or depend on. If it were possible, it'd be you.”
She then looked me in the eye so she could say the next words to me.
“I truly am sorry Frank. For being a bitch to you and calling you those names. I didn’t mean it, I was just…just-forget it. I don’t think I should tell you now. But I am sorry. And I really appreciate you being there for me last night. You’re probably wondering why I was crying. That’s one of the things that I can’t tell you. Well, not yet at least. But thank you, I promise I’ll stop being mean to you. You’re actually a good guy. We good?”
I smiled at her sincerely and nodded my head. She grinned widely and ran towards the bed, attacking me and giving me a huge ass hug. I didn't deserve this. She said she could trust me and what was I doing? Deceiving her, lying to her right in the fucking face.
“Okay good, now you should be getting ready, were gonna be late!”
I went through the same routine as yesterday, grabbed some breakfast, and made my way into the car with Liz.
“Wake up sleepy head! You missed the bus again,” Liz chuckled.
I sat up in her bed rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I looked up to find her ironing her cheer uniform, naked. Well not completely naked; she was in her bra and underwear. It kind of freaked me out so I immediately covered my eyes and looked away. She laughed at my actions and said, “Do I look that bad!?” I, of course, didn’t ‘hear’ this, so she threw one of her plush dolls at me to get my attention. I turned my head slowly, spreading my fingers and squinting my eyes so I wouldn't see her exposed body.
She laughed at me again saying, “It’s okay, you can look. I just wanna ask you something.”
I looked up at her properly, but not looking anywhere passed her face. I threw her a questioning look and she replied with asking, “Do you think I’m fat? Answer me honestly.”
I was kind of taken aback at that question ‘cause she couldn’t be serious, but I was gonna give her my honest answer.
I realized that I had only seen her with her clothes on and that I had no idea what her actual body looked like, so I looked at it before giving her my answer.
Before I could even inspect all the parts of her body, looking at her just standing there I realized that she wasn’t exactly skinny. I mean, she wasn’t fat either, what-so-ever, but she had some meat on her bones. She was definitely curvy; having wide hips and thickish thighs, but she wasn't pudgy at all. Her skin was tight; toned. She was very...umm, chesty, I guess you could put it. And she kind of had broad shoulders, making her chest look even more bigger, perkier. She was also kind of tall (well taller than me, but who isn't?), like 5'5'' or 5'6''. And I guess I could see why she thought she was fat. She wasn't really petite, but that was because she actually had a real body. To me, this was what a woman should look like. Not many girls these days had a body like hers, they were usually bony and way too skinny for their own good. It was ridiculous and disgusting. I mean, why would you want to look like a flat chested twelve year old when you were a senior in high school? This had to be peer pressure coming from her cheer mates. If not, I was willing to bet my life that it was most definitely coming from Vic.
And then I knew the answer that I was going to give her. I looked straight into her eyes; wanting her to know that I meant what I was going to say...or gesture.
I shook my head at her and she just sighed, going back to her ironing.
“You know, I believe you. I just don’t think I am. I mean, I used to think I had an okay body, but Vic is always telling me what to eat and what I do eat is bad. Like if I snack on anything she’ll bitch at me and tell me I shouldn’t be eating it ‘cause I’m just gonna get fatter. She says she doesn’t want me to make the team look bad. She also says that I’m getting fat and that if I want to help myself, I should just starve ‘cause it’s faster to lose weight that way.
And well, prom is coming up and I want to be able to look good and fit into my dress. I guess she's kind of helping me in a way. You know, giving me motivation. But sometimes...she just makes me feel so low, like I’m shit. And I fucking hate it Frank. But I don’t wanna lose her you know? Even though she’s a bitch most of the time, she can also understand me. She’s always there for me when I need her. Well, sometimes. She can be a real friend when she has or wants to be. She’s so much different inside school though. I think she just wants people to think that no one can mess with her and that she has control over everything. I don’t blame her though, the people at our school are pretty tough and harsh on us. I guess that’s just the way it has to be.”
Her voice was shaky and she was almost in tears at this point, but she wouldn’t let them fall. Looks like I won the bet.
I don’t think I was supposed to hear any of that, so I didn’t do anything. I just gave her that stupid blank stare that I always give everyone. You bastard.
She looked up at me and sighed heavily, putting the iron down and dressing into her uniform.
“You know Frank, I wish I could tell you these things. Like my problems and shit. Personal stuff. But you can’t hear me and that just fucks it all up. I don’t know, something just tells me that I could trust you. And it's a hell of a lot better than telling Vic. I don't want her to be the one that I confide in or depend on. If it were possible, it'd be you.”
She then looked me in the eye so she could say the next words to me.
“I truly am sorry Frank. For being a bitch to you and calling you those names. I didn’t mean it, I was just…just-forget it. I don’t think I should tell you now. But I am sorry. And I really appreciate you being there for me last night. You’re probably wondering why I was crying. That’s one of the things that I can’t tell you. Well, not yet at least. But thank you, I promise I’ll stop being mean to you. You’re actually a good guy. We good?”
I smiled at her sincerely and nodded my head. She grinned widely and ran towards the bed, attacking me and giving me a huge ass hug. I didn't deserve this. She said she could trust me and what was I doing? Deceiving her, lying to her right in the fucking face.
“Okay good, now you should be getting ready, were gonna be late!”
I went through the same routine as yesterday, grabbed some breakfast, and made my way into the car with Liz.