If We Can't Break The Silence, How Can We Survive?

We were sitting at the table having dinner while Mr. and Mrs. Johnson talked about their days at work.

They asked Liz how her day went but she didn't look like she was in a good mood. She wasn't even eating. She was just picking at it really.

“Liz honey, what’s wrong? You haven’t touched your food. You know you can talk to your father and I about anything,” her mom said.

It was very awkward now being around Liz’s dad. I couldn’t even look at him the same anymore. Every time I looked at him, I saw images of last night flashing in my head. It was kind if driving me crazy.

Liz was still picking at her food, taking her time to answer her mom’s question. She looked like she was depressed and angry. She was also looking at her food in a disgusted way. Then, she finally answered.

“I’m fat.”

Well, that one kind of took me by surprise. Not.

“Sweetheart, what are you talking about? You’re perfect. Who told you you were fat? Don’t listen to them honey,” her dad said. I shivered on the inside as I heard him say she was perfect. That fucking sick perve.

“Because I am, dad! And no one told me i was fat. I just…I look so disgusting in my cheer uniform. You can see my fat poke out on the sides, look!" She cried as grabbing said "fat".

I never really thought of Liz as fat. But of course, her being a teenage cheerleader, she would think that.

Her parents were looking at her in an "are you serious" kind of way. None of us could believe that she actually meant what she had said.

“Liz listen to me, you are not, by any means, fat! You have a beautiful body dear! And you look great in your uniform. I bet no one thinks that about you besides yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable about your body then…wear a jacket or something! Or maybe wear a bit more clothing that covers up, and dress a bit more decent, yeah?”

“Yeah mom, I’m just gonna wear a big fat jacket over my cheerleading uniform while i'm out there cheering! Very smart.”

“Elizabeth, do not talk to your mother like that! What have I told you about respect?"

Liz muttered a ‘whatever’ under her breath but her dad still heard her.

“Excuse me, you wanna say that louder missy,” her dad exclaimed while raising his voice. The house always got pretty tense every time there was an argument.

“I said, "whatever", dad,” she repeated in an annoyed tone. Her dad looked pretty pissed right about now.

“Okay Elizabeth…okay.”

And then all the sudden, Liz had a frightened look on her face.

“Daddy I’m sorry. Please forgive me, I didn't mean to...I-I love you...” she said in that sort of tone that kids use when they try to get their way with their parents.

Mrs. Johnson was looking down at her plate eating, too busy to notice the flirtatious look that Liz just threw her dad after giving him the puppy eyes. So this was a mutual thing?

Her dad sighed and said, “It’s okay sweetie. Just don’t talk to your mom like that again." And then he kissed her on the cheek. I cringed.

“Hey mom, can I hang out with Vic tonight? We haven’t hanged out in a while and she said she wanted to take me to this cool new hang out place.”

“Yeah that’s fine with me. Richard, do you mind if she goes out?”

“Yes I do, I don’t like Vic. She is a very bad influence on you; the way you dress, the way you talk to us, you were never like that before. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be around her. And plus, it’s a school night. You know I don’t let you go anywhere on school nights. So no, I’m sorry but you can’t.”

“Are you serious? God-ugh! Why!? You never let me out, you never let me do what I want, you don’t let me do anything! Why are you trying to shut me out from the world? Can’t you just let me go and have fun! I don’t wanna be stuck in this house for fucking ever dad! Please, just let me go!”

Liz was shouting so loud, the whole house was echoing. She sounded like a little kid that wasn’t getting what she wanted. This conversation was also getting out of hand, her dad looked frustrated but calmly stated, “No. And don’t ask me again.”

“I fucking hate you!”

Liz got up with so much force that when she stood up, her chair fell back and her drink spilled.

“Goddamn it! Can we go through dinner with out Liz blowing up just fucking once!"

That’s what I was saying!

For a while now I’ve been staring at the ceiling in my pitch black room. I thought about what happened at school today when I bumped into Vic and my shit fell everywhere. I never wanted to kill anyone so bad at that moment but there was nothing I could do. Then Gerard came over to help me and my heart swelled for a second, I thought it was so sweet. Until he stopped to see that eveyone was looking at him and he got embarrassed. I hated him so much then and now I want nothing to do with him. I obviously wasn’t worth the embarrassment, popularity was just more important to him. I had skipped the rest of my classes and stayed in the bathroom crying almost the whole time. I know, I'm such a weenie. But it had hurt me the most 'cause I thought Gerard was different. I'm and idiot for even thinking that about someone I don't even know. It was just wishful thinking. But now I'm glad 'cause the project is done and I don't have to worry about anything anymore. That is, if Gerad doesn't wanna go over it anymore. I really hope he doesn't
bug me about it tomorrow.

I fell out of thought as I saw a flash of light turn off in the hallway. Wow, I must have been way caught up in my thoughts ‘cause I didn’t even see the lights turn on. I had a suspicion that it was probably Liz’s dad again so, I decided to wait a few minutes before checking it out. I was hoping they weren’t doing anything ‘cause I really didn’t wanna see what I saw last night again.

I was standing in the doorway of her room, walking in very slowly and quietly. I was kind of nervous going in because the light was on and I really didn’t wanna get caught.

Before I made it in to where I could see anything, I heard her crying. Oh my God, was her dad hurting her? I was worried now, so I went in a little more.

When I made it in, I saw that she was the only one on the room. I guess her dad had left whenever I saw the lights turn off.

I rubbed my eyes and squinted them a bit to make it seem like I had just woken up. I knocked lightly on her wall to get her attention but she didn’t move from her bed.

“Daddy not now, I’m tired.” She said as she tried to hide that she was crying.

When she heard no reply, she sat up in her bed and noticed that it was me. She slightly widened her eyes and started wiping the tears away from her face.

“ Frank- what are you doing here? Get out! ”

I didn't reply to her in any way. I just stood there with a worried look on my face. She just sighed and laid back down on her side, with the blankets tucked under her arm. But I didn't leave; I closed the door and turned off the lights.

I made my way over to her bed and got under the covers. I turned my body over to where I was spooning her, and I draped my right arm over hers, grabbing her hand and caressing my thumb over it.

When I did this, she broke down crying furiously causing her body to convulse.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Please...just-please forgive me... ”

From there she kept on repeating unfinished sentences that didn’t even make sense. She was praying; begging for forgiveness, over and over again. It was like she was traumatized. Seeing her like this made me want to cry too, but I didn’t.

She was slowly ending her crying, her voice going down to a whisper as she was still saying sorry. She fell asleep not too long after.

I felt like a prick seeing her like this and not doing shit about it. But what could I fucking do? That thought just made me feel like even more of an asshole.

I shouldn't have pretended to be deaf in the first place.