Tränen werden nicht helfen, das Chaos bin ich in

It was late. The moon hung high above the rooftops. Stars shone from their designated spots in the sky. A soft, cool breeze stirred the red hair of the young girl who was sitting on the park's swing. She had run away from home, tired of hearing her parents fight.

"Jeanna?" A familiar voice called her name, causing her to stop the swing and turn around. She smiled at the black haired boy and looked to the vacant swing beside her.

“Stay with me?”
The boy moved to the swing and began to sway to and fro. "What happened?" he questioned after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"They're fighting...again. Maybe this time it will be final."

The boy nodded his head in understanding. "That's how my parents were. But my father doesn't care about Tom and I...especially after the divorce."

A few more silent moments passed by.

Finally, Jeanna spoke again. “When do you guys leave?”

The boy sighed. “In a week...”

“Will you remember me?” Jeanna's voice was barely a whisper.

The boy stopped swinging all together and reached out to Jeanna, gently turning her face so he could look into her eyes. “I could never forget you.”

Jeanna pulled her face away from the boy abruptly and stood. She walked until she came to a wooden bridge built over a large, deep creek. It took only a second for her to find where she had carved her name years before. She traced her fingers over the familiar marks: Jeanna and Bill 2003.

The black haired boy, called Bill, appeared at Jeanna's side. “I love you.”

A single tear fell down Jeanna's cheek. “I love you, too.”

* * *
“Each passing minute leads me to you
If only you knew
If only you cared
If only you still loved me...
You're so far away
If only you could hear me say
If only you felt the same...
Since we were small
You never let me fall
If only things hadn't changed between us
Our love was cut short
And you moved away
If only you remembered...
I loved you so
I never wanted to let you go...”

Jeanna doodled on the side of her notepad. She was supposed to be taking notes in German, but found it hard to concentrate. The professor babbled on an on about the significance of the introduction to Liebesnähe. Her pen began to doodle her name in bubble letters. Not long after she had finished her name, she began on another name she hadn't thought of in years: Bill. As soon as Jeanna recognized what she had done, she scribbled the name out. She was dating Andreas. She was meeting him after school.

A few moments later, the bell rang in the middle of the professor's speech and everyone rushed out. Jeanna was the last out of the class, shoving her doodled notepad in her backpack. She stepped out of the classroom into the clogged hallway and made her way to her locker. There, Andreas was waiting for her.

“Hey, baby,” he greeted her, kissing her sweetly.

Jeanna smiled. “I am so ready to go home!”

“What are you doing tonight?” he asked her as she threw her unneeded textbooks into the locker.

“Nothing really. Mom's been staying over at her boyfriends and my sister is at Dad's this weekend. You wanna come over?”

Andreas shrugged. “I could. I was hoping that you'd maybe wanna go out?”

Jeanna closed her locker and intertwined her fingers with Andreas' as they made their way out of the school.

“Sure. What did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking that we should do go-karts...or we could go to Belantis...”

Jeanna thought about it for a moment. It was May...and definitely hot. “I think we should do Belantis! What if you spend the night tonight and then we'll go around lunch tomorrow while it's still hot?”

Andreas smiled his dazzling white smile, making Jeanna's knees weak. “Let's do it.”

The rest of the walk to Jeanna's house was filled with little chatter about random things: school, Andreas' brother, Markos, Jeanna's mom. Once at the large red brick house, Jeanna unlocked the front door and allowed herself and Andreas inside. She threw her backpack on in the closet by the door and took off her shoes. Andreas followed suit. Jeanna left Andreas by the door and walked to the kitchen where she found a bottle of water and peeled an orange.

“Do you want something to eat?” she called out for Andreas.

A moment later, he appeared and started to rummage though the pantry. He settled for some pretzels and nutella.

“When was the last time your mom was here?” Andreas asked, noticing how bare the pantry looked.

Jeanna thought about if for a little. Her mother really had only come home a few times to get some fresh clothes and a few papers she had forgotten for work. “It's been...I wanna say...a month? Or two?”

Andreas raised his eyebrows. “So is she getting married to this guy or what?”

Jeanna shrugged. She really didn't like talking about the subject. The only person who knew how she really felt about the situation was...Bill. For about a month after Bill had moved, they called each other back and forth. But then the calls became fewer until they stopped completely. Jeanna mentally kicked herself. Why was she thinking about Bill of of a sudden? She had Andreas! She didn't need Bill! But she still knew that somewhere deep in her heart of hearts she still loved Bill. There was part of her that was hurt from his neglect, but then there was part of her that couldn't hate him. Tears seemed to fill her eyes and she quickly wiped them before Andreas could see. She really was going mad! All these years...

* * *

“1, 0!”

The small white ball bounced from one side of the green table, over the short net, and landed on the other side of the table. A guy with long, straightened brown hair viciously hit the ball, sending it back to the other side of the table. His opponent hit the ball again, flinging it over the net. The brown haired guy failed to hit the ball back.

“2,0!”

“I quit!” Georg finally announced. “No one can beat Bill!”

His opponent danced with pride of victory. His short black hair was spiked up and bangs were gelled down over one of his eyes. “Told you!”

“Geez Bill, ego much?” a guy with dreadlocks said, Bill's twin.

“Oh, save it Tom. You're the one with the oversized ego!”

Tom smirked. “So, and that's a bad thing?”

Bill rolled his eyes at his brother.

“Are you guys ready?” a man with short brown hair wearing a cap poked his head through the door. “This is the last show! Make it count!”

The nerves settled in on Bill, Tom, and Georg. As for Gustav, he had Metallica plugged into his ears and was drumming away on a practice pad. Not a moment after David had announced that it was their last show did a man with shaggy blond hair come in carrying a brief case.

“Oh no!” Georg exclaimed anxiously.

The man opened his brief case and pulled out a pair of blue earplugs. “Okay, Bill.”

After fitting each band-mate’s earplugs in, they made their way to the stage. The roar of the crowd's chant could be heard from several meters away: “Wir wollen Tokio Hotel!”

The boys silently appeared onstage in the dark, invisible to the crowd before them. Bill picked up a megaphone and flipped the switch, causing a siren to wail. The energy from the crowd was instant and fans started to scream. The lights flashed on and lit up the stage.

“Oberhausen! Schrei so laut du kannst!” Bill screamed into the megaphone.

Tokio Hotel ended their show with Durch den Monsun. In the middle of the chorus, Bill looked down at the front row and saw a girl with red hair that was in low pigtails. He thought of Jeanna. A day didn't go by when he didn't think about her. He kept wanting to go back and visit her, but time never permitted.

“Thank you!” Bill screamed into the microphone as the last chord started to fade, a huge smile on his face. The fans were great.

Bill ran off stage, leaving the other guys to do their final goodbyes. He handed a crew-mate his microphone and took his ear plugs out. He needed to clear his head.

“Saki?” he asked the body guard who was standing outside of the dressing room. “I want to go for a walk. Will you come with me?”

Saki nodded solomnly and began to follow Bill. Outside fans still swarmed everywhere, screaming when they caught sight of Bill. He managed to sign a few autographs and get away from the fans unscathed. When he was a safe distance away, he began to relax a little. He thought more about Jeanna. Maybe he wouldn't go straight home tomorrow. Maybe he could convince Tom to go spend some time in Leipzig with Jeanna. After all, they were all best friends in grade school. Why would Tom object?

Bill felt the cool breeze against his face and he pictured Jeanna. Had she forgotten him? Maybe she had and moved on....even though he still loved her.