Tränen werden nicht helfen, das Chaos bin ich in

Jeanna woke up in a cold sweat. What had just happened? She swung her legs over the bed and got up to make her way to the galley area, unsteady on the moving bus. She was the only one awake since it was eight o'clock. Jeanna rubbed her eyes and started the coffee before sitting down at the table and opening a magazine, hoping to shake the wonders and feelings from the dream off. She stared at an article about Tokio Hotel and let herself think back to her dream. It felt real. But that couldn't be. Jeanna was 18 years old and was touring with her band Ätzende Himmel she hadn't been home to Magdeburg or Leipzig in three or four years. A tear fell down her cheek. Yeah, she was living the dream. Her popularity was right there with Tokio Hotel, both of them Germany's best exports in a long time. But she needed some emotional stability. Her family had fallen apart; her father remained apathetic and her mother succumbed to alcoholism with her new husband who hated Jeanna. Her boyfriend, Andreas, was there for her only half of the time. He was sweet to her face, but she knew he wasn't faithful and had a good idea about what he was doing behind her back. The other three members of the band were emotional support and best friends: Anja, Julien, and Uwe.

In the four years that Jeanna has lived in Berlin, she hadn't thought about going home. She also hadn't thought about Bill and her feelings for him. She hadn't seen him in so long, she was starting to believe that he was just a dream. She sighed audibly. She was going to find out today. This was Ätzende Himmel's summer tour and to Jeanna's surprise their manager had booked them for a double header tour with none other than Tokio Hotel.

“Jeanna? What are you doing up so early?”

She turned at the sound of her name. “Hey, Julien. I just had a bad dream.”

The coffee maker dinged, signaling the coffee was finished brewing and Jeanna stood up to make her a cup. Julien followed suit.

“Are you excited for tonight?” he asked as he mixed some sweetener into his light colored coffee.

Jeanna humphed in reply and shrugged. She honestly didn't know. Ätzende Himmel was meeting up with Tokio Hotel a week before the tour actually started to familiarize themselves with each other and talk about stage performances.

“I guess,” was all she replied. “What about you? Aren't they one of your favorite bands?”

Julien smiled. “Hell yeah. I don't know why the majority of the German population doesn't like the so called 'pop rock' genre us and Tokio Hotel are part of. Most of you guys listen to either soft rock or hard rock. There's hardly anything in between.”

Julien was an American who's father was in the US military and was stationed in Germany. Even after his father finished his duty, they decided to stay in Germany, getting their citizenship. Regardless of this fact, Julien still referred to us as “you” and “Germans”, not that I really minded.

I giggled a little at Julien's response. “You just have to dig around a little. Not everyone is as great as us though.”

This remark got a bright smile out of Julien. When he smiled, he could light up a whole room. I remember when I first met Julien when we were 15 I had kinda developed a crush on him. But the more I got to know him, the more I'd rather us just be friends. And a great friend he turned out to be.

I carefully balanced my coffee cup and went back to my seat at the table. Julien went and sat on the couch and turned on the small television. We'd be the only ones up for a while and we still had about an hour and a half to go before we reached Hamburg.

* * *

Jeanna dressed in a grey and black strapless shirt, ripped skinny jeans, knee-high Converse. They were almost at their stop in Hamburg and Jeanna and Anja were rushing to make themselves presentable by finishing their hair and makeup. Jeanna french braided a strand of hair from one side of her face to the other to keep it out of her face and applied the usual thick, cat-eye eyeliner before finishing her look with some chap stick just as the bus stopped moving.

“Jeanna!” Anja called from the lounge area. “Hans said not to forget your guitar pick! He said you put them in your purse or something.”

Jeanna sighed nervously. This was it. She was going to meet her childhood sweetheart and best friends for the first time in years and she was anxious. Did they change? Did they even remember her? She took her container of picks and opened them. Then she pulled out her favorite turquoise and red picks and put them in the back pocket of her jeans. She met the others in the lounge a second later. Hans was there talking with them.

“Okay so Tokio Hotel is here already. We've reserved this studio for practice sessions before the actual tour so you guys can get a feel for each other. The hotel is right beside the studio. That's where we'll be staying for the week. They're inside right now waiting on you guys. So grab your things and lets go.”

“Nice pep talk, Hans,” Uwe said picking his drumsticks up from the floor by his feet.

Jeanna laughed and followed her band-mates outside. The sun was nice and warm today; a perfect 30 degrees outside with a slight breeze. She decided to carry her acoustic guitar inside. She picked up the familiar case and turned to stand with Anja who had nothing to carry but her voice and Uwe who had to use the drums set up in the studio.

“Well aren't you guys lucky not to have to carry anything,” she said playfully.

Anja laughed. “Well you're the one who wanted to be the guitarist and not the singer.”

Jeanna's laugh was her response.

“Ready?” Hans asked, shutting the luggage space underneath the bus and locking it. He waved to the driver who went to park the tour bus.

Jeanna felt her heartbeat quicken. God, did she hate having that nervous feeling. She lagged behind with Julien since they were the only ones with things to carry. Once on the third floor of the building, Hans went ahead of the group. He knocked on the fourth door on the left and waited. A second later, the wooden door opened, revealing a man in his thirties with brown hair wearing a graphic t-shirt and jeans.

“Hans!” the guy exclaimed, giving him a friendly handshake. “Haven't seen you in a while.”

“Same here. This is Ätzende Himmel: Anja, Uwe, Jeanna, and Julien. Guys, David Jost, Tokio Hotel's producer/tour manager.”

Hellos were exchanged before they were allowed in the room. When David opened the door to let them in, Jeanna was the last one to enter. He breath caught in her throat and her stomach wound itself in knots. She looked at the ground until she heard her name and Uwe nudged her.

“What? Sorry.” she asked, coming out of her daze and relaxing a little.

“It's fine. I was just saying I think I know you from somewhere. Have we met before?”

She gave the blonde dreadlocked guy a strange look. “What are you talking about?”

The guy laughed before pulling her into a hug. “Nah, I'm just kidding. I haven't seen you in forever! What's my little sis been doing?”

Jeanna laughed and hugged Tom back, thankful that her best friend still knew her and wasn't overcome by fame.

“Great. We're catching up to you guys. Although I'm pretty sure we won't ever be as great as you are.”

Tom laughed. “Yeah right. We're double headlining! You've got to be good! You should have seen Bill when he realized who we were going no tour with! It was priceless.”

Jeanna laughed. She jumped when she felt arms wrap around her middle and squeeze. “Who the hell –?” She attempted to turn around, finding a spiky, black headed boy hugging her.

“Jeanna!”

“Bill!” she mocked playfully.

“I've missed you!”

“I've missed you, too!”

He let go of her and dropped his voice to a whisper. “Why did you stop calling me?”

Jeanna's smile faded. “I could ask you the same thing, Bill. You blocked my number.”

“I think I might have accidentally deleted your number because I couldn't find it. And what are you talking about...you were blocked?” he questioned, eyebrow raised.

“I tried to call, but every time I did, I got the message, 'This number has been blocked by (0 40) 39 20 14.'”

You could see the surprise in Bill's face for two reasons: one, her number got blocked for some reason and two, that she still remembered his phone number. The latter surprised Jeanna a little bit too. She hadn't thought about Bill in forever, but she could still recollect his phone number like it was nothing. Maybe she wasn't over him like she had kinda hoped. It seemed like she was still very much in love with him.

“You still remember...” his voice was barely a whisper.

A single tear fell from Jeanna's eye. She wiped it away quickly before more fell and turned to socialize with the others who were totally oblivious to what had happened between her and Bill and the pain it had brought back.

Jeanna's outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/j3_week_before_kickoff/set?id=44454498