Listen to Your Heart

“Oooh! How ‘bout this one guys!” Pat yelled across the aisle gaining every ones attention. “Bat Man, pow pow!” He started making shooting noises.
Rachel and I both rolled our eyes and hurried him along. Shopping with Pat was like shopping with a five year old. When they say, ‘kid at heart,” Pat owns the definition.

“Pat,” Rachel sighed. “For the last time, we are not getting Bat Man!”

“But—“

“Don’t even bother; we are not getting Bat Man and its final!” Rachel had reached the brink of her breaking point. Four hours of shopping around looking at baby necessities, let along watching after Pat made her lose it.

Pat ran over to me and started to jet out his bottom lips tugging onto my arm. “Annie! Pwease, pwease, pwease with a cherry on top?”
I laughed and patted his outrageously long hair. “No can do buck-a-roo, Rachel’s the boss here.
”
“Fine,” He mumbled and strutted off.

“I swear this is déjà vu.” I mumbled.

“Yeah keep walking Kirch, before you know it we left without you—again.” Rachel yelled after him.

“Oh give the kid a break Rach, he’s just having fun.” I said looking at cribs.

She scoffed and took a seat on the ground. “Yeah right, he’s more of a handful than the twins!”

“Don’t be so dramatic,”

“Whatever, let’s just get this crib and book it. We’re leaving whether he’s in the car or not.” I laughed and patted her back.

“Okay so, I was thinking about this whit e one here.” I pointed a white crib with little Poo stickers on the side. “Or, this black one here.”

She tilted her head and examined the two cribs. “The black one…definitely.”

“Okay then, the black one it is!” I cheered, heaving the large box into the cart.

“You shouldn’t be lifting heavy objects Annie.” Rachel warned giving her a stern look.

I rolled my eyes and pushed the cart towards check-out. “Yeah, says the girl who wore three inch heels to the hospital.”
“Hey that’s a low blow!” She squealed.

I shook my head and loaded the conveyer. “Yeah okay, now if you don’t mind. Go find Pat so we can leave, we’re not leaving him here.”

“Oh shucks, you spoiled my plan!” She said sarcastically as she walked off.

I started to dig through my purse for my wallet when I heard a pair of heels stop before me. “Rach?”

“Guess again,” The sour voice said, mother fucker.

I looked up to be face to face to no other then the devil itself.

“Raquel,” I said plainly, already losing interest in the conversation before it had even started.

“So, I see you’re the same. Just knocked up right?”

I smirked, “So, I see you’re the same. Just bitchier right?” I replied sliding my credit card through the machine.

“I wouldn’t go there Brock, don’t want you and the baby to end up in the hospital early now do we?”

“Start what Raquel, as far as I remember you approached me.” I pushed past her and headed for the door but she got into my way.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She asked grabbing onto my arm.

“Home,” I stared right into her fiery brown eyes. “Oh and if I were you, I wouldn’t go there. Wouldn’t want you to end up in the hospital for another nose job, do we?”

She let go of my arm and allowed her mouth to gape open, “Bitch.”

I smiled and waved at her. “That’s your name, don’t wear it out. Oh wait too late.”

I turned around and headed to the parking-lot looking for Rachel and Pat. I ended up by the little Mary-go round.
“Pat, aren’t you too old for that?”

“Pat who?” He asked flipping his hair back. “This isn’t Pat, this is…Rat Boy!”

“Oh I’m sorry, aren’t you too old for this Rat Boy?” I asked taking a seat on the bench.

“Rat Boy is never too old for Mary-go rounds!” He raised his arms into the air and started to wave them back and forth.

“Okay let Rat Boy have his fun, Annie can I talk to you?” I nodded and walked to the car. “So what happened in there?”

“To be honest I think she just got owned.” I said taking a seat on the hood.

“Hah, the bitch had it coming.”

I shrugged and started to pat my belly. “How did you do it Rach?”

“Do what?” She asked staring at the vacant parking-lot.

“Everything: juggling school, raising two kids, and being in a committed relationship.”

She laughed and patted my back. “I’m just that skilled.” She smiled and held onto my hand. “But on a more serious note, I don’t really know. I guess it just takes more than me. Garrett, I’ll always have him there to help me out, reassure me, and just help me get through the day without killing myself. Without him I don’t know what I’d do.”

I nodded and looked down at my hands. “You are lucky Rach, Garrett’s a great guy and one day sooner or later, he’ll make a wonderful husband.”

“Yeah I hope, you know though Annie, John won’t make such a bad husband either.”

I sighed and looked ahead. “Hopefully, but let’s just take one day at a time.”

“What, you’re not ready to be married to the father of your child?”

I shifted un-comfortably on the hood of my car. “Well—I don’t know. Everything’s just moving so fast. One minute I’m in Chicago finishing up school and the next I’m in Arizona having a baby. Right now, I don’t know where my life is going.”

“You’ll be okay Annie, no one’s rushing you into marriage. You’ve got plenty of time, maybe wait a couple of years, pop out a couple of more kids then decide whether you want to marry him or not.”

“We’ll see about that,” I hoped of the hood and went to get Pat.

Marriage

_____

“So, when are you due sweetheart?” Jenny asked taking a seat next to me.

John and I are both at his house having a little family BBQ. Also John seemed to have some special news for everyone that couldn’t wait any longer.

“Um I think in about two weeks?” I said taking a sip of tea.

“Wow that is soon! Are you and John ready?”

I shook my head, “No—not at all! I don’t know what to do Jenny!”

She grabbed ahold of my hand trying to calm me down. “You’re going to be okay honey, you’ve always got Jay and I to help you.”

“Thank you Jenny, but I don’t want to rely on you and Jay. John and I got ourselves into this mess, I don’t want to bring you two down with us.”

“You’re not taking us down with you, we’re family and families do anything for each other.” Having this conversation really made me think about John and mines future. Reality came back to haunt us, we’re too young for this, having a baby, let along marriage!

My body started to tense up just thinking about what’s going to happen in the next two weeks. I don’t know if I can do this, being a mother. For all I know I can be a horrible mother that can’t take care of her child.

Tears began cascading down my face, Jenny had a worried look on her face as she looked at me.

“Oh Annie, come here. There’s absolutely nothing to worry about!” She pulled me into a hug. I rested my head on shoulder as she stroked my hair, “Nothing to worry about.”

“I-Im so scared Jenny.” I cried into her shoulder.

“Shush, there’s nothing to cry about.”

Finally I pulled myself together, “I’m so sorry Jenny, I didn’t mean to break down on you like that.”

“It’s okay, everyone has their moments, trust me.” She smiled getting up. “How about be go join the others and enjoy the rest of the night?”

“Sounds great,” I got up and followed her to the yard where Jay was working the grill while the guys played football.

I walked out and took a seat on the grass watching them play.

“Hey babe,” John said wrapping his long arms around my shoulders.

“Hey,” I said weekly trying to recover from earlier.

He said down next to me keeping his arms wrapped around me. “What’s wrong?

“What? What makes you think something’s wrong?”

He let out a long sigh pulling me into him. “Annie, your eyes are puffy, and you’re never one to be a good liar.”

I pretended to be offended and wiggled out of his grasp. “For your information, I am a very good liar!”

“Yeah whatever, now tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing,”

He got up and held out his hand for me. I looked at him quiz inly not knowing what to do. “Well come on.”

I grabbed his hand and he pulled me to the side of the yard where the hammock lied. He got on and patted his lap. I walked over and climbed on his lap, resting my head on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” He asked again, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Nothing,”

He exhaled a deep breath and intertwined our fingers together. “Do you love me?”

I was taken aback by his question. “What?”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes, why would you ask that?” I questioned looking into his eyes.

“If you love me, you’d tell me what’s wrong.” He said gripping firmly onto my hand.

“John—“

“Tell me,” He cut in.

I sighed and shifted so that we were facing each other, “The truth?”

“The truth,”

“Okay, I’m scared.” He looked at me not knowing what I’m talking about. “I’m scared about the baby John, I’m not ready. I’m only twenty-two; I know nothing to become a mother. I don’t know if I’m even capable of taking care of myself! I feel like I’m going to let everyone down, mostly you John.”
The water works started to come back again making me sob all over John’s shirt.

“What are you talking about? You’re going to be a wonderful mother Annie, the person you should be worried about is me!” He said kissing my head. “And never, ever will you let me down, ever.”

“But—“

“There’re no buts, you and I are in this together. No matter what, I’m gonna be there for you and the baby.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he kissed the top of my head and we lay there watching the sky grow darker.

“John?”

“Yes baby?” He started to rub my back making my body tingle.

“You know that secret you’re dying to tell everyone later?”

He nodded and looked down at me. “What about it?

“Tell me now?”

“Right now?”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re already feeling a little down, I don’t think it’s a good to announce it now.”

My eyebrows furrowed together, “I don’t think your news will make my day any shittier, so you might as well tell me.”

“Um promise you won’t get mad?”

“No guarantees,”

He shifted pulling me closer to him, I could tell his heart was beating faster and faster.

“Okay, ready?”

“Yes John, now stop stalling and tell me!”

“Well um, we’re going on tour…and you’re coming with us.”