Dark Blue

Garrett

I slung my bass over my shoulder, focusing on tuning it as Val wandered into the front row of the audience. I could still feel Jared's grin as he slipped onto stage behind me. I plucked at the strings to check if they were in tune and tried to ignore the looks I was getting.

"Where were you?" John asked, looking between me and Jared. I tensed up and rushed to say something before Jared could.

"Around," I said shortly. I saw Pat raise his eyebrows and Kennedy glanced over my shoulder. I could tell he was looking at Jared, and I fought the urge to turn around myself.

"Well let's start then," Tim interrupted, and I was eternally grateful. I could see Val sitting with her legs up on the chair, pulled tightly to her chest. Her head was cocked as she watched us, and I could tell she had no clue what was going on. It was probably better that way for now.

What had happened out there? I had no idea. I couldn't kiss my little sister's best friend. I couldn't. Especially right after Sage died. We were both emotional and I didn't want to get her tangled in all my fucked up issues. Val had her own problems to deal with too, physical and emotional. And she was dealing; she was the bravest person I knew...

"Garrett, that's the wrong song," Kennedy pointed out, hitting me on the cheek with a guitar pick.

"Oh, my bad," I grumbled with a shake of my head. It was going to be a long night, I could tell that much already.

~*~

"So, what's the verdict?" I asked, hopping off stage and walking towards Val. The rest of the band was setting their instruments down and following right behind me, very eager to talk to her more and drive me insane.

"Well, as much as I hate to build all of your egos," she teased, her eyes flickering behind me for a moment. "You didn't lie. You guys are pretty kick-ass."

"If you think we're good now, just wait 'til the actual thing," I said with a grin. She smiled back, pushing her bangs out of her face.

"I guess I'll find out later, huh?"

"Damn straight."

"So Gare," Pat called, running up behind me. "Are you and Val in for some cards? 'Cause JohnO has been on a roll, and we need someone to kick him off his high horse."

"What do you think?" I asked Val softly, searching her eyes for any hesitation. I found none, only a subtle glimmer in her eye, like a ghost of the bright one that once lived there.

"I think I'm game. Unless Garrett's too chicken, that is..."

"Oh, no way! You're so on."

And with that, we ended up crowded around the small kitchen table in the bus. Val was sandwiched between me and Jared, with John next to him and Kennedy on the end. On the other side of me was Pat, who kept elbowing me. Tim had wandered off, probably because he always tried to avoid our card games. Apparently, we didn't play fair. Which, of course, we didn't most of the time. In my defense, it was mainly John.

"Finally!" Pat yelled excitedly, slamming four cards onto a pile in the center of the table. "Four fucking jacks!"

"One queen," Kennedy said, setting a card down.

"Two kings," John said nonchalantly, sliding two face down cards onto the stack that was quickly growing in the middle of the table. I paid him no attention; I already had more cards than I would have liked thanks to Pat calling my bluff a few turns back. The other guys stayed just as quiet because half of the deck was on that table, and losing that call would basically be a death sentence. Val, on the other hand, was eying John suspiciously from over the top of her cards.
"Don't bother," I warned, reorganizing my hand.

"Really, don't," Pat added. "It's not worth it. As soon as you call him, no matter what he laid down, it will suddenly change so you're wrong. The cards love him."

It wasn't even an exaggeration. In the years we had been a band, it had happened to us a million times. You're totally convinced he's lying his ass off, and you're confident. But suddenly he flips the cards and there it is. Then you shamefully grab the pile and your two cards become forty in a matter of seconds.

"Oh, let her decide for herself," John protested before turning his gaze to her and raising his eyebrows in a challenge. "Do it, I dare you."

Oh, he was the master of manipulation when it came to this game. Most people would take those words as a sign to back off and let it be, unless they wanted to end up with half the deck. I could see Val flare her nostrils, and I knew she was doing it, warning or not.

"Bullshit," she said evenly, her eyes never leaving his. The rest of the table clucked our tongues and shook our heads.

John calmly reached across the table, flipping the top card, which was indeed a king. The king of spades stared up at us, but neither John nor Val wavered. The rest of us held our breath and waited for the inevitable. The second card shook as John balanced it on its edge, and as it finally toppled face up, we all stared at it in disbelief.

"Well I'll be damned," I gasped, running my free hand through my shaggy hair.

"Am I seeing this right?" Kennedy asked, looking from the table to all of us.

"I think you are," Jared confirmed, a smile breaking out on his face.

"Shit, you weren't supposed to call it! I'm fucked," John laughed, looking at Val with one of his crooked grins. Val was smiling back as she nudged the pile towards him, the two of diamonds still face up on top.

"That was incredible!" Pat yelled, reaching over me to high-five her. "I can't believe you actually did that!"

"Of course I did," she laughed, glancing over at John as her voice took on teasing notes. "I'm much too proud to turn down some challenge from a cocky punk."

"You got more balls than all of these guys put together," he joked right back. "I mean, I don't think I've been called for any of my bullshit since Sage-"

He stopped immediately, his eyes shooting straight to mine. I swallowed and clenched my fists, trying to keep my composure. Just with her name, it felt like all the air had been knocked out of me. I could tell Val was having a similar reaction, and her eyes were focused on me. I coughed and pushed away from the table. I knew John hadn't meant to do it, and I wasn't even mad. I just couldn't breathe.

"I'm sorry man. I didn't-"

"It's okay. I just need some air quick," I mumbled.

"Gare," I heard Val start, but one of the guys cut her off, and then I was outside the bus and lost the conversation.

I paced a little before kicking at the ground and punching the wall of the venue. That didn't ease the pain though, it just made my hand throb almost as much as my heart did. Someone grabbed my shoulder and I looked up into a pair of apologetic green eyes.

"I'm fine," I whispered before he could say anything. "It's fine."

"It's not," John said back, shaking his head slowly. "You're hurting, Gare, and you have a right to hurt because this whole thing fucking sucks. Sage was your baby sister, and she was a baby sister to the rest of us, too. She was one of the best fucking people I have ever met. We loved her too, and this fucking blows."

I could feel tears stinging at my eyes, and the last thing I wanted was to cry in front of John or any of the guys. I didn't try to speak, because I knew if I did I would lose it. Instead I nodded, and attempted to give John a pathetic smile.

"I just want you to remember that it's okay to not be okay right now. Eventually, this thing will be bearable, but until then, we're all here for you. And Sage is here too, because I don't know about you, but I can still feel her everywhere."

"I can," I said finally, looking up at him. "In my mind I can still hear her laugh and see her smile."

"God, that girl had the best laugh," John said, his voice distant as he leaned against the bus.

"I don't know how she was always so happy and shit," I admitted. "I mean, high school is a hellhole, but she never stopped smiling."

"It's the way she was," John shrugged. "She was happy, and even though she deserved so much more time than she got, she lived more in nineteen years than most people do in eighty."

"She should have gotten the chance," I murmured bitterly, and John put a hand on my shoulder.

"I know, bro. She should have, but she didn't. Don't you think that she wouldn't have wanted us to be miserable over her? That she would have wanted you to spend the time you get happy?"

The silence between us engulfed me, and in my mind, I tried to remember what happy was because honestly, I had no idea anymore. The only thing that came to my mind at those five letters was Val's soft pink lips stretched into a smile over her golden skin earlier that day, the look in her gleaming silver eyes as my face was slowly pulled towards hers, the erratic beating of my heart as I held her hand in mine.