Dark Blue

Valentine

"I'm glad you agreed to this," Jax said, a smile on his face that almost looked genuine. The longer I hung out with him, the more I realized his eyes seemed just as haunted as mine did when I looked in the mirror, which was rarely.

In all honesty, it had been hard to go back to my boring, mundane life after the night of the concert. Granted, I still talked to Garrett frequently, but it wasn't the same as actually being there. All of the other friends I had before the accident tried to keep in touch, but they had all left for college. So, with nothing to do around the house and Sage and Garrett both gone, I was bored out of my mind. And when my mind had nothing to focus on, the nightmares came back. Which is why when Jax suggested we hang out, I jumped at the offer.

"I'm glad, too," I admitted, leaning back against the park bench. "Okay, what about that man, feeding the ducks?"

Jax seemed to consider it for a few moments before opening his mouth. "He used to feed the ducks with his grandkids, but his daughter just got a job an hour away and moved."

"That's so sad," I mumbled, my eyebrows knitting together in sympathy for the old man, who in all reality I knew nothing about.

People watching had always been something Sage loved, so I guess it was only natural Jax and I ended up at the park, doing exactly that. It was weird; Jax and I had talked on multiple occasions because of Sage, but we'd never really gotten to know each other. He was what I expected, but then again, he wasn't.

When he was with Sage, I remembered him being much happier than now, although he could probably say the same for me. With her gone, everyone close to her was different in some sort of way. However, if Sage had loved him, there was no doubt in my mind that he was the caring, friendly, sweet guy I always figured he was.

"Life's sad," Jax replied, and I jumped out of my daze. I watched the old man for a little longer, taking in the way he slouched and the sad smile he gave to the ducks flocking around his feet.

"Yeah," I murmured, turning my gaze back to Jax. There had been a bitter note in his voice, and I could see his eyes steeling over; I recognized exactly what he was doing, because I had done the same thing millions of times. My voice was soft and cautious when I spoke, mirroring my expression. "Hey, Jax?"

"Yeah?" he asked, blinking a few times as he returned from the dark place in his head.

"If you don't want to answer, you don't have to, 'cause I'm just being nosy and it's really none of my business. But weren't you supposed to leave for school a week or two ago? I mean, I remember Sage saying something about you getting into Stanford, and I mean, that's kinda a huge thing."

I was rambling. I had always been too awkward, and the more awkward I got, the more I rambled. Sage had been good with the talking, and without her, I was trying to make due. Jax was giving me a funny look, and I opened my mouth to continue digging myself into a hole, but he cut me off.

"Yeah, I was. But then the accident happened, and I couldn't bring myself to leave with everyone else. There's just this part of me that can't leave her, you know? It was one thing when I could talk to her and she could visit, but now, leaving just feels wrong. I ended up getting papers to start up at ASU so I can stay close."

"Oh."

"What?" he asked defensively, giving me a look.

"You know, it would absolutely kill her to know you were throwing away Stanford because of her," I said softly, and he sucked in, his eyes glistening slightly.

"I know," he whispered, biting his lip and turning away. "I just don't know how to do this without her yet."

I rested my hand over his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He looked up at me, and I offered a small smile. He attempted to give one back, but it just looked sad.

"You know, you haven't missed much yet. I'm sure you could talk to the admissions office and the professors and explain, maybe transfer back for second semester or next year even."

"Yeah," he said quietly, his eyes searching mine. "What about you, Val?"

I was caught off guard and blinked at him a few times. "What do you mean?"

"Didn't you have some big college plans?"

My heart stopped for a second and I shrugged. "It's complicated."

"Complicated?" he repeated, giving me a look of disbelief.

"Well... I was supposed to go to University of Arizona with Sage. We were all set to be roommates and everything. And then this happened," I said, holding out my cast encased arm and motioning to my ribs. "I was in the hospital when I was supposed to be moving in, and now, the doctor says it isn't advised to be without supervision because of the severity of some of my injuries. My parents haven't even brought school up. It's just not in the equation right now."

"So, what? You're just not going to go to school?"

"It's not that I'm not going to go," I said defensively, trying to keep my voice down as some kids walked by with their mom. "It's just, it won't be until next fall."

"I know I'm not exactly in any place to judge," Jax said hesitantly, his eyes flickering away from me and towards the pond. "I mean, sure I'm damaged, but none of us know what went down in that car but you. But god, Val, you're so smart. I mean, if I remember right, you beat out me for valedictorian and had some pretty good scholarships. I have no doubt that you could get back for the spring semester anywhere you wanted. And Sage wouldn't have wanted you completely giving up on college."

"It's not that simple," I muttered, playing with a string on my shirt.

"I know," he said, offering a smile. "But we both know that you're not simple either. If you want something, you'll make it happen."

My mouth clamped shut and I didn't say anything. Instead, I looked away from him, choosing to focus my attention on a high school couple a few feet away, arguing quite loudly. From what I caught, she was under the impression that he was cheating on her with his friend, and also something about forgetting there two month-iversary.

"Okay, so plot twist, he's not really cheating, but he is secretly in love with the best friend, and once he dumps this girl- who seems perfectly sweet if not a bit, or a lot, crazy- he gets together with her and he never has to buy another month-iversary present again," I predicted quietly enough as to not disturb the girls eardrum-shattering screams.

Jax looked at me and then at the couple before his lips curled into a half smile. "Yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head."