Dark Blue

Garrett

"Hey, I'm sorry I haven't called lately, things have been crazy," I explained, and I heard Val scoff.

"Sure, I've heard that before."

"No, I really-"

"I was kidding," she rushed out, and I let out a deep breath.

"You had me worried there," I admitted, and she giggled.

"I'm sorry, I'm much too sarcastic for my own good," she confessed. "But don't worry Rockstar, I get it. I mean, some of us sit around watching cat videos online all day, and some of us play sold out venues around the country."

"It's a hard life," I agreed, and she laughed.

My lips tugged into a grin at the sound, and I settled into my bunk. I could hear the rest of the guys rushing around before heading out for the night, an offer which I had passed up on. For some reason, the urge to talk to Val was greater than the urge to drown my problems and stress in alcohol. The past months had changed a lot, mainly me. I had no doubt it was for the better.

"You know, as great as cat videos are, there is something else you could do," I said, my tone taking on a serious note.

"Oh?" she hummed out, and I could just picture her leaning up against the railing of her front porch.

"Yeah. So, I talked to my mom earlier, and she asked me how you were and everything," I said nonchalantly, and I heard her let out her breath on the other end of the phone.

"Oh," she repeated, sounding guilty and like she knew exactly where I was going with this.

"She misses you," I said softly, and Val was quiet. I imagined her nodding her head and biting her lip, and it was a while before she said anything.

"I'm a terrible person," she said finally, and my jaw dropped in shock.

"Don't you dare say that," I scolded, sitting straight up on my bunk. "You've been to hell and back; you are so many things, but a terrible person is not one of them."

"But Gare," she choked out, and I could just tell she was crying. "I am. She treated me so great all of these years, and now, she lost her only daughter, and I'm avoiding her like the plague."

"Why?" I asked quietly, and she sniffled. My heart broke just listening to her cry.

"I was there when Sage died. I'm the constant reminder to everyone of what we lost on that night, and a huge reminder to your mom, probably. I mean, it could have just as easily been me that died that night! I look in the mirror, and I wonder why it wasn't me. It could have been me, and then Sage would've been here instead! It should have been me," she finished, her voice a haunting whisper. My blood ran cold, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I shook my head violently, wishing more than anything I could just be there and hold her.

"Don't say that," I commanded in a low voice. "Don't you dare ever say that again."

"Why?" she asked, her voice rising. "Why shouldn't I say it? I feel it every single day."

"It would kill Sage to hear you say that," I reminded her. "And it's killing me right now. You're here for a reason, Val, and god, I'm so glad that you are. Do I miss Sage? Hell yes. Do I wish I could have her back? Yes. But I would never wish for you to be gone. No one does."

"It just doesn't go away," she muttered, her voice torn.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked in a broken voice.

"What was I supposed to say?" she shot back. "How do you tell someone you wish you had died instead?"

"I don't know. But god, I thought you knew by now you can tell me anything, and I'll be here for you. I'm not going to judge you, and I'm going to do my damnedest to get get you through it. I am here for you," I stressed, and I heard her breathing start to steady.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Just tell me these things. I can take them, especially if it means you don't have to carry the burden all by yourself."

"Okay."

"Okay."

The silence grew again, and I could hear her take some shaky breaths. I inhaled deeply, trying to get my racing pulse to slow down. Just the thought of her not being around anymore scared the shit out of me.

"I'll stop by and see her tomorrow," she promised in a soft, steady voice.

"Are you sure you can handle it? Because I never meant to push you towards anything that you can't," I babbled, and she laughed softly.

"I'll be okay, I promise."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"You scared the hell out of me, you know," I whispered, and she chuckled ironically.

"I've been scaring the hell out of me, too."

"Promise me that if you feel that ever again, you call me or call someone. I-I never want to pick up the phone to find out you acted on those thoughts," I said, my voice trembling.

"I promise," she said solemnly. "I wouldn't put everyone through that, after seeing how Sage's death tore everyone apart."

"Good."

"Plus, I think Sage would find me in the afterlife and kick my ass."

I cracked a smile and rubbed my hand over my face. "Yeah. She definitely would. And you'd get an earful from me, too, once I got there."

"Gare?" she murmured, and I could feel the concern rising up in my chest again.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately, and she giggled lightly.

"Nothing's wrong."

"Oh, thank God."

"I just wanted to say thank you. And I'm sorry I scared you."

"S'okay."

"I'm just really glad and thankful for you. Talking to you makes it feel easier."

"I know what you mean. I feel the same way when I talk to you," I confessed, an embarrassed smile working its way onto my lips.

"Really?" she asked shyly, and I nodded before realizing she couldn't see it.

"Yeah," I laughed, and she laughed too.

"Well, it's a good thing we have each other, then."

"I suppose it is," I agreed, closing my eyes and immersing myself completely in her voice. I couldn't tell you how long we talked, but I did know that I could lose myself in her voice forever, if life and the phone bill would let me.