Dark Blue

Garrett

My buzzing, screeching phone rumbled next to my head, and I groaned, making a mental note to put it on silent next time I went to sleep even though I knew it wouldn't happen. My eyes darted through the sun-streaked bus, trying to figure out what time it was. I didn't even remember falling asleep on the couch the night before. I brought my phone to my ear, stifling a yawn.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice thick with sleep.

"Garrett Daniel, did you just wake up?" It was unmistakably my mother's voice, and one of the ones she used most often when I was at home. It was a mix between disbelief and laughter.

"Yeah, I guess I did. What time is it?" I asked, rubbing my free hand over my eyes.

"It's almost one. At what ungodly hour did you boys go to bed last night?"

"It was late, I guess. I couldn't sleep, so I was watching TV in the lounge, and I just fell asleep."

"Oh lord, child, how many times have I told you? Sleeping on the couch will screw up your back."

She sounded so concerned that I smiled a bit. I pictured her in the kitchen, her eyebrows scrunched up like they always got when she was worried. I was half expecting her usual threat of joining us on tour just to keep us in line.

"I know, Mom," I said, more for her sake than mine. "How are you? How's home?"

"Oh, the same as it's been," she said lightly, but I could hear the sadness in her voice. She was still hurting. We were all still hurting.

"Oh," was all I could muster.

"Val did stop by the other day though."

"Really?" I said, my voice coming out as a squeak. I coughed to try to cover it up, and I heard my mom actually laugh a little on the other end of the phone.

"Yup," she replied, choosing not to pick on me any further, which I appreciated. "She stayed for dinner and everything. Trey made an appearance and was on his best behavior, and even your father dragged himself home from the office. It was nice."

"It sounds really nice," I said sincerely, a little sad I couldn't have been there.

"Her casts are gone and everything."

"Yeah, I know," I said nonchalantly.

"You know?" she repeated dubiously.

"Uh, yeah," I said lamely, internally cursing myself. The last thing I needed was to explain everything to my mother right now, especially when I wasn't even sure what was going on with us.

"How do you know?"

"We talk..."

"I see," she said, and there was a pause; I cringed, waiting for whatever it was she was going to say. "You know, Gare, Valentine is a really great girl."

"I know."

"Okay," she said, and that was the last she mentioned the subject.

I got lost into my own thoughts a bit as my mom waited patiently for me to return to the conversation. She always knew when I just needed a minute to think, and I was thankful for that. Finally, after a few moments, she spoke.

"There's a reason I called though, sweetie." My heart rate quickened, and I could feel my fingers start to shake nervously. Nothing good could come from that tone of voice. Nothing.

"What's wrong?"

She cleared her throat, and the time seemed to slow down as I waited. "The other driver that night, when Sage..."

I could hear her uneven breathing as she tried to remain calm for my sake. I could hear the blood rushing through my ears, and I wanted for her to say something. To say anything.

"His sentencing hearing is in a few weeks."

There was nothing but silence on either of our ends of the phone, and all of the air gushed from my lungs. I didn't know what to say or what to think, even. In all of this, all of my grief and sadness, I had forgotten that there was someone responsible for this pain I felt. I had pushed it from my head and went on tour instead of dealing with the aftershock

"Oh," was all I said for the second time in that conversation, because there were simply no words for all the things I was feeling.

"We've been given the chance to address him, and if you could find a way to be there-"

"I will," I said, no doubt in my voice.

"Are you sure? Because I know you're busy sweetie."

"I'm not missing this. I need closure." I inhaled sharply; it opened a whole new section of pain to admit that. "We all need the closure."

"Okay then," she said, and I could hear the tears in her voice. "It's two weeks from Tuesday at ten o'clock sharp."

"I'll be there," I repeated firmly.

"I love you Garrett."

"I love you too, Mom," I whispered softly, my heart slowly breaking.

"I've got to go run some errands, but I'll talk to you soon, kiddo. I'll see you soon."

"Okay. See you soon."

I hung up the phone, not knowing which way was up or down. I heard a noise from the bunks, and suddenly, John appeared. He eyed me carefully, and I could only imagine how I looked, all things considered.

"We're all gonna go get some late lunch. You wanna come with us?" he asked, and I shook my head.

"I have to make a phone call," I said without thinking. "You guys go ahead."

"You sure?" he asked, but I was already dialing the number.

"Yeah, I'll see you guys when you get back," I replied, and he slowly disappeared, his eyes on me the entire time.

The phone was already ringing in my ear as the door to the bus shut what seemed like a world away. I tapped my fingers against the armrest as I waited for her to pick up. I needed to clear my head. I just needed to talk to her.

"What's up Rockstar?" she answered, and at the sound of her voice, I relaxed just a little.

"Hey," I said softly, looking up at the ceiling as I struggled for words. "How are you?"

"How am I?" she repeated, as if waiting for me to say something else. When I didn't, I heard her sigh. Her next words came out teasing.. "Okay, why don't we cut this smalltalk bullshit and talk about what's wrong? And don't you dare tell me nothing's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," I protested weakly, and she laughed.

"Yeah, that was oh so convincing. You act as if I don't know you. I can hear it in your voice, and that pitiful attempt at smalltalk was an immediate giveaway. C'mon Gare, spill it."

It was impossible for me to argue with her. "I just talked to my mom."

"And...?"

"And she told me about the sentencing hearing, and I mean, I want to go, and I'm going to, but I've just been running from all of this for so long, I just don't know how to deal with it all again."

"Wait, wait, wait," she said suddenly, just as I took a breath to regain my bearings.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my worries suddenly revolving around her. "What did I say?"

"What sentencing hearing? What am I missing?"

I paused for a moment, more confused than I was moments before. Val had to know about it. There was no doubt in my mind that her family would have been informed at the same time as mine about everything. How didn't she know?

"No one told you?" I said cautiously, and I could feel her frustration growing.

"Told me what?" she asked, her voice strained. I swallowed, taking a deep breath and biting my lip.

"The sentencing hearing for the driver who hit you and Sage that night. It's in a little over two weeks," I informed her in a low voice. I heard her suck in her breath, and a sudden thud in the background.

"Oh," she said, falling silent for a moment. "Oh."

"Val, I-"

"No, no it's okay. I, uh, gotta go. I'm sorry, Garrett. I'll call you back, okay?" she said much too quickly.

"But Val-"

"Later Garrett. Bye."

The harsh dial tone was suddenly filling my ears, and I quickly redialed her number. It rang a few times before going straight to voice mail, and my next few attempts ended exactly the same way. With an exasperated groan, I threw my phone on the couch next to me, running my hands over my face. What had I done?