Homophobe

“Layla? Layla? Earth to woman? C’mon, speak! Use your words! Seriously, out of all times, now you shut up?”

The red-headed girl blinked, mouth parted in absolute shock, glazed eyes staring at nothing in particular over my shoulder. I waved my hand in front of her face, trying to bring her back to reality, but it was useless as she pushed my wrist aside, face still incredibly blank. She basically looked like a soulless vessel that had been raided by aliens. Which was to say, not very comforting at all.

“You did... what now?” she murmured, swallowing and finally staring at me, eyes still as wide as saucers.

Because that’s exactly the sort of reaction a person looks for when they reveal their deep, dark embarrassing secrets.

“We uh, well, basically we kissed... and my dick... got touched... by his hand, and yeah, basically that’s what happened.” I could feel my face burn.

I scratched the nape of my neck, nervous laughter trickling down my tongue as I avoided her gaze. I knew that I had to get it off my chest sometime or another, keeping it smouldering in the pit of my stomach only made me nauseous and I couldn’t take much more of the lying to her; it was just her reaction that I’d been dreading. It was obvious how she felt about Chase- which was to say, with extreme dislike- and especially a person like Layla who wasn’t someone who took any sort of shit, she had a backbone made out steel and the tears of broken men. She would probably slap me if she knew that I’d basically become Chase’s make out bitch.

I braced myself.

“And when did this happen?” Her voice was dangerously steady.

My mouth parched. “Well, uh, like we’ve kissed before but the whole... dick thing, yeah, that happened two days ago,” I admitted, the words feeling incredibly foreign in my mouth. I still couldn’t really wrap my head around it, because the thought was just absolutely psychotic.

I didn’t even really understand what sparked it all, anyways. Years it was only me and my hand on Thursday nights with whatever pathetic fantasy I’d come up with before, and I was definitely in no way prepared for what had been happening. I didn’t know if maybe it was the whole hanging out with Mason thing, but that would mean in some weird way that Chase was jealous, and that only brought up a million and two more questions to the surface.

Thinking apparently had not become my strong suit as I opted for the easier course of action- shove everything down, down, down my throat and never think of it again.

Layla gasped, eyebrows knitting together and her lips smashing into a frown only seconds later. “You did what now for how long and have been keeping it a secret this entire time!?” she huffed, clearly offended, and reached over to flick me in the forehead. “Bad Ash!” she scolded.

“Hey,” I whined, swatting her away. “You wonder why I don’t tell you things and then you abuse me afterward, your actions speak for themselves, woman!”

It was lunch time, and Chase was probably off with River and the rest of his soccer buddies, who in my mind all really seemed to blur together into one. It wasn’t that they were all boring, it was just that there were so many and, well, I didn’t really care much about them anyways. I knew their names and faces, mostly because everyone at the school did, but other than a nod of the head when I was with Chase or small talk after a game, I didn’t really talk to any of them. And they didn’t want to talk to me. They were all probably talking about parties and soccer and chicks and chicks wasn't exactly a subject I had a lot to say in.

At the thought of Chase, my stomach churned.

I absently picked at the wood of the picnic table as Layla continued on her ever-passionate tirade complete with sweeping hand gestures and slapping the side of my head once more. I ducked my face into my arms to escape. “Believe me, it’s not all shits and giggles on this end either.”

“So you guys aren’t... together, are you?”

I laughed, a little bitter. “Well, last I checked all I’m useful for in the mornings is pancakes, so...”

Peeking up from my arms, I could see sympathy soften Layla’s eyes. “Do you think that he likes you or something like that? Or he’s just being his usual Chase dick-wad self?”

I sighed, regaining my composure and running a hand through my hair. “I don’t know, you tell me. I’m just as confused as you are. One moment he’s all don’t get herpes from Mason and then the next he’s sticking his tongue down my throat, how do you think I feel?”

For a moment Layla was quiet, clearly trying to pick the right words to say, and then ended up offering her slice of pizza instead. As I’d finished mine before, and was still basically starving with the bottomless pit that was my stomach, I accepted it with a slight quirk of the lips. “Thanks.”

“Do you think he’s, I don’t know, jealous or something?”

I took a bite and chewed thoughtfully, taking in a deep breath. “Chase is really fucking weird lately, if anything. He’s acting like he’s on a damn period or something- hey ow!” I rubbed my forehead where she had once again flicked. “That hurts, you know, just a little. By the way I am actually very capable of feeling pain.”

Layla grinned, completely ignoring me. “And Mason, what about him?”

I bit off another chunk. “I don’t know,” I mumbled through the food, “we’re friends is all, don’t get your hopes up or anything. I told you from the start you can’t just find random gay guys and expect us to fall in love or something. This isn’t brokeback mountain, this is my life.”

At the thought of the blond I produced my phone from my pocket, and remembered that he had texted me before, but I was too lazy to reply. It wasn’t anything new though, that we were talking most of the time lately anyways. Apparently the next day I was going to have to come visit Albert again because he “missed me”, but I still stood by the fact that he just missed a delicious piece of meaty appendage ripe for the eating in front of his face.

I’d heard stories of reptiles going wild, I’d watched Animal Planet, I knew what could happen.

Layla sighed, her elbow on the table and her cheek resting in the palm of her hand. “I just hate you getting dicked around by Chase, and you know that. I mean, why do you even let him take advantage of you like that? Why do you kiss him if you know you just feel like shit afterward?”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just, I don’t know, he starts kissing me and it’s like all reason just turns into complete shit.”

It was true, and I knew she was only looking out for me, but sometimes I was just fine by myself. The morning after, again, Chase did not even hint in the slightest at what had happened the night before. Instead he went on just as usual, complaining very loudly about his hangover and demanding pancakes. I couldn’t even look him straight in the eye, and he was acting as if nothing had even happened.

He couldn’t have been that drunk. He had to have some recollection of what he was doing. But I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, either. Again, wasn’t it better just to remain best friends, pretend like nothing happened and go on as we were?

Just as Layla was opening her mouth to say something, a bundle of blonde crashed into the seat next to her seemingly out of nowhere. I jumped at the abruptness, managing to stab the tip of my tongue with my teeth in the process.

“Shit!” I cursed, dropping my pizza slice on the paper plate underneath. My mouth hung open and my palm came to cover it, feeling the shooting pain throb like a heartbeat.

Layla burst into laughter, her hand coming up to hide her lips but failing to contain the giggles from spilling through. Chloe, who had hurdled herself into the scene, grinned broadly, for some strange reason was looking very pleased with herself.

There was that rabid chimp look again.

“Hi Ash! Hi Layla! Hi Ash!” she beamed.

“You said that twice,” I mumbled with my mouth still open, restraining myself from glaring at her.

Chloe merely laughed again, cupping her face with both hands and staring at me in a way that I’d rather she wasn’t. I didn’t want to sound vain, but she clearly had something for me, and it was making me very, very uncomfortable. Layla was clearly just sadistic enough to lavish in my pain.

“You’re so funny!” she giggled, cocking her head to the side, cheeks dusting red.

I gave Layla a look, and she just grinned cheekily at me.

“Well, you know me, I’m a natural comic.”

“I guess you have to do something when you're not saving little girls, not that that's all you do or anything, I'm not calling you a pedophile, it was really sweet! And cool!" Chloe laughed, looking over to the girl next to her. "Remember when I told you that he practically swept up and saved my little sister from out of no where?"

Layla smirked, amusement visibly marked upon her face. “Oh really?” she mused. “He’s a natural Prince Charming, eh?”

There was a circle in hell dedicated to people like her.

Chloe giggled again, nodding her head vigorously and causing for her short blonde hair to whip around carelessly with it. She was so small and slight, but in a way where I wasn’t sure if maybe I turned around if she’d launch herself on my back and clamp down onto my throat.

I was pretty sure my general safety was at risk. I still didn’t understand why her sister was so oddly drawn to me. I could still hear Mason’s laughter ringing through my ears, and almost smirked at the thought, but when I realized that Chloe’s big brown eyes were still stationed on me that thought was immediately wiped away.

“I’m having a birthday party! You’re invited Ash! You should come, maybe. If you have time, you know. I don’t want to be a bother but if you could drop by maybe!? It’s this Saturday, you know. So maybe, if you could, drop by. Layla will be there too!”

I blinked. “Yeah, um, that sounds... dandy.”

Layla scoffed, mashing her lips together tightly. “Dandy?” she murmured through gritted teeth, horribly trying to repress her smile.

My eyes narrowed at her, her entire body shaking from the confined laughter she was trying to contain. These were the people that I called my friends.

Chloe’s face immediately lit up, a gasp falling from her lips. “Oh really!? That’s so great! I’m so excited for you to come!”

Seeing her face completely illuminate with happiness, I had to admit I did feel a little bad about all the horrible things I thought about her. She seemed innocent enough, and it wasn’t like I’d ever actually seen her gnaw off someone’s face, so there wasn’t any real truth behind all the stabs I’d made at her to Layla behind her back.

Just a little hyperactive, I guessed.

“You can invite Chase, too! And he can bring that girl he’s going out with now, Ashley I think? Yeah Ashley! You, Chase, and Ashley!” she continued to ramble, excitement dousing her words, but Layla and I both perked up visibly at her words.

“Girlfriend?” I repeated. “Chase doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

Chase wouldn’t just get a girlfriend. He would tell me. That’s what we did, told each other things. He wasn’t even sort of talking to any girls. I knew that.

“Yeah, um, Ashley, they just started dating like yesterday or today or something like that, but you’d know that right?”

“He didn’t say anything to me...”

Layla surveyed my expression, but I just swung my legs over the bench and lifted to my feet. It was probably just a rumour, or maybe they’d been seen talking closely or something like that. I continued to walk towards the school, figuring Chase was always by his locker near the end of lunch. So many things got exaggerated; this was high school after all, probably just a misunderstanding.

Pushing open the pale grey doors, I was met with the familiar tile floors and navy blue lockers of the hallway. Chase’s locker was just around the corner from there. People were starting to fill inside, getting ready for their next class, but I just brushed past them.

When I finally turned the corner, I saw Chase as expected at his locker. And there was the girl, Ashley I recognized, with his arm rested around her shoulders. I swallowed.

Chase had a girlfriend?