Homophobe

“Ash! Man up! It’s no fun to live vicariously through you if your life is as boring as mine is!”
 
“I’m sorry?” I apologized weakly, shrugging.
 
“Sorry does not help me sleep at night!”
 
A whine tumbled from my mouth as I rubbed the back of my head where moments before Layla’s hand had smacked. Her blue eyes were unrelenting in a glare across the table, causing me to cringe, as she sat back down in her chair. I silently asked myself why we were even friends as she lifted her hand and flicked my forehead.
 
“Abusing me will get you no where!” I tried to defend myself, swatting away her offending hand as she tried to make for another attack.
 
“Yeah, but it’ll make me feel better.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “And I figure that one day you’ll grow tired of my bullying and actually be a man for once in your miserable life.” The grin that twisted on her lips was cheeky as she grabbed another cookie and chewed on it, apparently amused by my pain.
 
“You really know how to make a guy feel good about himself,” I mumbled, reaching to get one for my own. If I was going to be beat, I figured chocolate chip cookies were a good enough compensation.
 
"It's a talent, really."

When I sighed, which was usually the reaction whenever my mind wandered off to my continuing unrequited love, her eyes immediately softened. She was the only person who knew about my stupid little crush, the only person I would ever confide in other than him, really.

Other than Chase, she was easily my closest friend. Close enough for me to spill absolutely everything, at least. Even if I was drunk, she’d never let it go, but I had to admit it was nice to let loose every once in a while.
 
“Aw, come on, it’s just I’m tried of you beating yourself up over liking mega douche. I mean I only put up with him for your sake, if anything, you should totally find yourself a cuter boy toy.”
 
She twirled her finger around her fire-engine red hair and there was a spark of something in her eyes that worried me.
 
“I’m not beating myself up over it,” I feebly tried to reassure her. She gave me a look that told me that she knew better. Sometimes I really wished that alcohol was never invented.
 
Her fingers rose again and flicked me in the forehead. “Damnnit! Stop it!” I moaned, barely grazing her hand as I tried to slap her hands away.
 
“You completely reminded me! There is a boy! I met him the other day, totally gorgeous. I mean I would want to get on that all day, everyday, if you know what I mean. Unfortunantly, he swings for the other team, meaning that's right up your homosexual alley!” she spoke while waving a cookie around in the air with her sweeping hand gestures, afterward pointing at me with a suggestive look in her eyes.
 
I groaned and sunk lower in my seat, burying my head into the makeshift pillow I’d created with my arms. Not that I didn’t appreciate her trying to help, but we were a lot different in the romantic department, and her playing matchmaker never ended well.
 
But if I ever needed to find a cult to join, I could now say I definitely knew where to find one. Layla wasn't exactly the next cupid.
 
“I know you’re only trying to help…”
 
“C’mon! Just meet him, that’s it! Nothing romantic! Just me introducing my gay friend to another friend of mine who coincidentally happens to also be gay, purely platonic!” Layla nodded her head, radiating excitement through her pores, and a twinkle of hope in her eyes.
 
“Fine, fine,” I surrendered. “I’ll meet him, but don’t get your hopes up or anything. Anyways, I think Chase is gonna be here soon.”

I laughed as Layla made a face without skipping a beat.
 
“I’m here!” announced the booming voice of my best friend, who as always had invited himself in, and was now standing in the doorway. “Hold the applause.”
 
Regaining my composure, I chuckled under my breath, grabbing for another cookie. Layla had already risen from her seat and was reaching for her sweater, irritation marking her features.
 
“Applause? I was thinking more of vomit, but don’t worry, I’ll hold it,” she said, her words tainted with sarcasm as she reached for one last cookie and cast him a sickeningly sweet smile.
 
“It’s cute when you think you’re funny, but shouldn’t you hurry? I’m pretty sure the corner is lonely without you whoring yourself out on it.” He returned the sardonic quirk of the lips, mockingly waving when she turned, flipped him off, and stalked out of the house.
 
I could never keep both of them in the same room for long.
 
“Thank god that bitch is gone, I don’t even know why you hang out with her,” he spat, dumping himself in the seat she'd claimed previously and making a grab for the last cookie in the box. “If you’re really that lonely without me, get a dog.”
 
I laughed, shaking my head, and noted that his hair was damp. I figured he’d just come back from soccer practice, and by the way he reeked, bathed in cologne afterward. I could only imagine what Layla would say the next time I saw her.
 
“She’s my friend, okay? Don’t say that.” I gave him a look, even though there was a soft smile on my lips, to show that I was serious.
 
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine, fine, no more but really,” he mumbled through a mouthful of food, “even a Chihuahua would be less annoying!”
 
“Chase,” my voice was low, threatening. “I-”
 
“I know, I know, just as long as you don’t ditch me for her,” he cut me off with a smile curved on his lips, getting up and ruffling my hair on his way to the fridge. We both knew that I never would. “And you’re sure she’s not your girlfriend?”
 
With my arm resting on the back of the chair, I turned in my seat to see his head stuck inside and his hands rummaging through the contents of my fridge. Which, admittedly, wasn’t that much.
 
“For the last time, no.” I was in love with someone else, actually, is what I wanted to say. I was a raging homosexual and Layla didn't exactly meet the requirements. Not like those words would ever actually leave my lips.
 
“Okay!” he chirped. “Good, ‘cause if anyone’s gonna steal you away from me, she’d better be fucking awesome. By the way, your house sucks for food.” He finally lifted his head and slammed the door shut, a yawn spilling from his lips as he stretched both his arms. My eyes unconsciously flickered to the sliver of skin that was revealed, tanned from his days out in the sun, and obviously well built.
 
At the thought, I could feel my ears colour red and immediately averted my eyes elsewhere, keeping those thoughts at bay. I couldn’t think about his skin, or the way his muscles flexed, or the way his Adam’s apples pressed against the flesh of his throat whenever he swallowed, bobbing up and down. I couldn’t think about that at all.
 
“That’s why we always go to your house,” I reminded him, shaking my head with a smile. “And what about you, what’s up on the girlfriend front with you?”
 
I asked only to return the favour, because I never really liked bringing up that sort of thing for obvious reasons. Usually he'd end up interrogating me on why my love life was so dry, but clearly he didn't know that harbouring a pathetic unrequited love was a full time occupation.

“Lately Tiffany Daniels has been pretty much riding my dick, I figure I’ll go along with it for now. She’s practically throwing herself at me,” he spoke nonchalantly, shrugging, and it really wasn’t anything new for him. I couldn’t suppress the flicker of jealousy that ignited within. “Anyways, let’s ditch and just crash at my place and order a pizza or something.”
 
“Yeah, sure,” I agreed, getting up from the chair and snatching the empty cookie box from the table, throwing it in the trash bin while following after him. “But seriously no mushrooms this time, you know I hate them.”
 
“C’mon! I’ll eat yours, it’s like they’re not even there!” he pleaded, stuffing on his shoes and sending me his best puppy dog look.
 
I hated that look.
 
For a moment I stood defiant, arms crossed over my chest, but as always my determination wavered. “Fine,” I sighed, “we can get mushrooms and I’ll pick them off.”
 
Chase laughed victoriously, pumping a fist in the air while jogging down the steps. “Hell yeah! That’s why you’re my friend, Ash.” Over his shoulder he cast me a cheesy grin.
 
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, sure, ‘cause you get what you want?”
 
His face shifted into something more serious when I caught up with him. Chase only lived a couple streets over, so we never had to walk far between our houses. This also meant that he’d always crash at my place when he’d had a little too much to drink, since my mom was always a deep sleeper anyway.
 
“No, ‘cause you'll do it for me.” His voice was completely sober, free of mocking or taunting, and his coffee coloured eyes earnest.
 
My heartbeat began to accelerate, another blush heating my cheeks as my stomach flipped irritatingly. Ducking my head, I avoided his gaze, knowing that if I didn’t he’d probably see right through me.
 
“What are you, a girl? Talking about your feelings? Are you on your period or something?" I sputtered out, giving him a shove.
 
“I’m a girl? Me? No way, that's rich coming from you!” he laughed while locking my head in his arm and rubbing his knuckles into the top of my head. “Watch your words, bitch!”
 
I swatted blindly at him, swearing until he finally let go, only to see the broad grin plastered across his face. It was contagious as I felt my own mouth curve into a smile.
 
“Dumbass.”
 
“Dick skin,” he returned.
 
And I knew, no matter what, I couldn’t lose that. But could I really move on? I wondered. Maybe, if anything I had to try. I couldn’t keep harbouring these feelings because I knew one day they’d all boil over at the worst possible time, and I couldn’t let that happen.
 
Moving on? I was going to try.