Homophobe

It wasn't that I was acting super awkward around Chase or anything, it was just that... well, no, that was exactly what I was doing. I'd been purposely avoiding him for two days already, falling into spy-mode whenever I'd catch a glimpse of him and then quietly slipping away. I didn't want to brag or anything but I could’ve pretty much been the next James Bond with the sneaky escapes I'd been making since that ever awkward moment I was desperately trying to forget.

No, I was bragging. It was pretty awesome. Even if it was at ignoring my best friend.

Chase had noticed too, no surprise, and would constantly try interrogating me about it the few times he did somehow catch me. Not like it really helped his case at all when he'd grab a fistful of my shirt and completely invade my personal space, only further reminding me that he had no memory at all of what had happened on that night.

I definitely couldn't look him in the eye, no matter how much he'd nudge me and ask me what was wrong. The only thing that flashed through my mind when he did was the way his eyes looked, half-lidded and drifting towards my mouth, the tinge of red flushed on his skin or the way his breath felt on my cheeks. All of it continuously played through my mind over and over masochistically, like a tune of a catchy pop song that I hated to love.

I couldn't get it out of my head, and it wasn't like his face popping up every corner I turned was helping at all.

I knew it wasn't fair to him, not that I really considered the way he made my head spin fair at all either, and so I knew sooner or later I'd have to swallow my problems and just get on with it. Move on. Pretend like nothing happened. All I had to do was go back to before, right? How hard could that be when I'd been doing it for years?

Then again, he'd never said anything like that before with that kind of face.

I was definitely choosing “later” in the equation.

With a groan, I ran my hands through my hair out of frustration. Maybe I just needed to buy a pet goldfish or something. 

"Trouble in paradise?"

Without moving my head, I took a glance to the seat next to me that had previously been empty, now stolen by River. He wore the same cocky grin I could never find him without, his fingers toying with his ear piercing and blond hair brushing into his eyes. 

As if English wasn't already bursting with fun. 

I coughed, looking away. "What makes you say that?"

"Usually you're pretty much up Chase's ass but lately you've been riding solo, it's weird. Did you have a lover’s spat or something?"

"I'm not up his ass," I snapped. "And nothing happened so you're shit out of luck for gossip." 

And I was telling the truth- nothing had happened, that was the problem. 

River lifted his hands in surrender, catching onto my snip tone. "I was just wondering, is all," he defended himself. His arm dropped on the tops of my shoulders, his face leaning in closer to my ear. "You know you can tell me anything!" 

I rolled my eyes, not even bothering with the effort to shrug off his weight. I liked River- out of all Chase's friends he was the one I could stand the most and surprisingly, the least obnoxious. He was like an old lady though when it came to gossip, somehow he knew everything about everyone and if he had even the slightest inclination that something was up, he'd for sure be there sniffing it out.

"Mhmm," I hummed, rather unconvinced.

"Hey, c'mon, Chase is all bitchy and you're all... well, weirder than normal, I guess. Whatever, just kiss and make up now or some shit." With a grin splitting across his face he punched me in the arm, a lot harder than I would've liked but I brushed it off. Was he even aware how much gayness he implied with everything he said or did these things just roll off his tongue?

"Don't worry about it, I'll... talk to him, I guess," I murmured, thankful when the quiet girl that usually sat beside me arrived and stared down at the blond with an expecting gaze. He laughed and disappeared across the class, leaving me to muddle in my own thoughts.

Was it bad that I was a little bit happy that Chase was suffering too? I mean, I knew we were close and all but seeing him down in the dumps just because I was ignoring him made me feel a little more important. Obviously I felt horrible that I was causing him pain but I guess it was a little bit of payback for all those years.

I decided that since lunch was after, which I'd been spending with Layla for the time being, I'd track him down and apologize. Or not apologize, since then he'd ask why I was avoiding him in the first place and that was a conversation I was not looking forward to, but at least act like nothing had happened. 

I could do that.
 
After English had finished, I decided I’d go look for him. My first guess was by the vending machine outside, because that’s where he always was. Stepping through the doors, I squinted as the sun’s rays glared at me from above, eyes rolling over the familiar outside. No sign of Chase.
 
That was, until I was unexpectedly tackled from behind.
 
“The fuck!?” I barely managed to wheeze out with the wind knocked right out of me, pain jabbing into my back along with all of my textbooks.
 
Both my wrists were captured, pinned firmly to the grass underneath, and knees were placed on either side of my body. A shadow spilled onto me as I stole a glance above, not exactly that surprised at the perpetrator who had tried to kill me. If anything, I was surprised it wasn’t a lot sooner.
 
“Dick.”
 
“Chase, get off of me,” I demanded, still trying to force the oxygen back into my lungs, and slightly wincing as the edge of my textbook continued to pierce into my side. I knew that trying to fight him was dumb enough to even consider, because when it came to upper body strength I wasn’t really in Rambo condition, but I still struggled a little bit for at least my pride.
 
And he was really way too close for public.
 
“If you stop being a dick.”
 
“Maybe if you get off of me, I’ll get on that.”
 
He glared at me for a moment, searching my face to see that I was anything but amused (and slightly flushed, but I hoped that he’d be oblivious to it like he was practically everything else). Finally he relented, rolling off and taking a sitting position beside me. With a cough I mimicked his actions, refusing to look him in the eye.
 
Think dead puppies. Think sandy ice cream. Think grandma Marlene in a thong.
 
That definitely got rid of the blush.
 
“What’s with the face?” Chase nudged me in the side with his elbow, a smirk toying on his lips and I rolled my eyes.
 
“Nothing, you wanted something?” I asked while leaning back on the palms of my hands, turning my head in his direction. Nonchalant, I reminded myself, cool. Think Vin Diesal. He was cool. I could do that.
 
“What’s been up with you lately, man? You’re all jumpy when I come within two feet of you and weird. C’mon, are you still pissed about the Mason thing? The guy was a dick anyway, I saved you. You’re welcome, by the way.” While his voice was trying for condescending, there was a betraying smile curved on his face, and I immediately felt all my willpower begin to fade.
 
Sometimes I wondered if he ever actually knew how much power he held over me, but then again I really hoped he didn’t.
 
“Well, shit, what would I do without you?” I rolled my eyes, sarcasm tainting my words.
 
“Probably die.”
 
“You think?”
 
“Yeah, pretty much, I’m surprised you’ve lasted even two days without me,” he teased while casting me a broad grin.
 
I ripped a handful of grass and threw it at him. “Best two days of my life, if I do say so myself.”
 
He scoffed while scrunching his nose, throwing back twice as much in my direction. Without even my knowing, a grin had somehow settled on my mouth. That was usually what happened when I was around Chase, though, almost like an involuntary instinct. Sometimes I wondered if anyone was ever going to make me feel the same way like he did.
 
“Negative, I’m your sole reason for continuing to live.” He cast me a cheeky grin.
 
Layla was with her friend, an overexcitable blonde that didn’t know a thing about personal space but knew everything about invading it, and I waved at her. She returned it, but made a face when she saw my company, as the blonde girl immediately started tugging at her sleeve. That girl was weird.
 
“Oh really? I’m pretty sure you were replaced with this one guy, what was his name again? Mason, I think?” I scratched the back of my head, my voice trailing off as I purposely avoided the heated glare I knew I was receiving.
 
A punch to my shoulder told me that Chase was not pleased, but it was back to normal, well as normal as we were anyways. Sometimes I had to wonder how bittersweet that really was.

"Seriously though, I feel like just by talking about him you'll get AIDS," he teased while shivering, smirking the same way he did whenever he'd make a joke like that.

Swallowing, I looked away. Definitely normal, I thought to myself. "C'mon Chase," I began, but didn't really know what I was even trying to say, because was there even a point anyways?

He gave me a look, and while his mouth remained grinning there were tones of suspicion clearly in his eyes. "C'mon what, Ash? Are you chilling with dicks in your ass now too?"

"Shut up man, obviously not," I spat in my most convincing voice.

Because this was who I was, Asher Mathews, Chase's heterosexual best friend.

Chase laughed.
 
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I ignored Chase as he was talking about something or another afterward, and clicked the button to see it was a text message. With curiosity itching in my throat, I saw that it was from a new number, not really a regular occurrence, and then read that it was from Mason, that he got my number from Layla. Asking to hang out.
 
I would’ve been lying if I said that I didn’t want to, considering I was thoroughly regretting the last time I saw him, but a sideways glance at my best friend made me hesitate. What was the worst that could happen, though? Secretly, I'd been wondering what had happened to them, and overall he was a pretty cool guy, too. No harm, really.

I typed back sure.
 
“Who's that?” Chase asked, trying to peek over once he realized that I wasn't paying attention.
 
I slipped it back into my pocket, without letting him catch a glance. “Layla,” I lied.
 
Unknowing that it would be the first of many.