Waters of Disillusion

"Nic, I swear to God-"

"Just shut your trap, Tyler."

"Give me one reason, Nic. Give me one reason why I shouldn't jus' fling myself outta window. Better yet, I got a whole bottle 'a Jack staring me in the face. My momma's sleeping pills are right on her dresser. You think it'd be enough to kill me?"

He's so damn stupid. "You're so damn stupid," I say. "If you're so damn bored, go swimmin' or somethin'. Take a BB gun an' shoot some squirrels. Jus'' don't kill yourself."

"Why not? It's better'n bein' stuck with Amanda Mae, ain't it?"

He's got a point there. "Then jus' break up with her already!"

What Tyler says next I wasn't able to hear. Dick yells a "NICOLETTE LEIGH!" and just like that, someone's crying. And just like that, I am pissed off. I even see some red. I clamber out of the bathtub and poke my head into the hall. Dick, in his oil stained overalls, is holding Ruby by her shirt and trying to shove a pacifier into Sapphire's mouth.

"I am on the phone!" I shriek. God, I hate Dick. But my shouting makes the babies cry even more. I'm about to tell Tyler something but Dick cuts me off.

"For Christ's sake, watch the damn kids! I have to go back to work."

"If you're still so damn bored," I speak into the phone. "Meet me at my ma's shop." I hang up and find Dick in the same position. "Don't hold her like that, shitface!" I take my baby sister from his sausage fingers and grab the pacifier, throwing it on the counter. "And Saph needs to be changed, not be suffocated because of her dickhead father."

"You don't speak to me that way, girl," he rolls up his sleeves. Ooh, scary.

"And you don't interrupt my conversations because you're a shit father. Now why don't you go back to work and oh, I don't know, do something useful with your life and make some money for your damn family?" Dick is about to say something but his two year old daughter suddenly wails. He gives me a glare but turns and leaves.

"Neekowet," Ruby sniffs. "Why papa yell?"

I kiss her cheek. "Because he's an ass face, honey!" Hey, she's gonna learn the truth eventually. "He's probably the biggest douche this side 'a Alabama. But don't worry; there are probably even bigger douches in this world. Hell, at least he don't beat us," well, that's not entirely true. Ma and I- ma more than me- have taken a few slaps, but he knows that if he goes too far I'll take a certain female product and shove it so far up his ass he'll be feeling it until he's twelve feet under. "And he got a job, don't he? Don't worry, babe. Nico will protect ya anyway."

She gives me a gummy smile that I can't resist and launches her arms around my neck. I know I should hate her or something because she is half of Dick, but golly. If you ever see Ruby, you'd know what I'm talking about. I just melt in her puppy dog brown eyes. She has me and ma and even Tyler wrapped around her little fingers.

I give Ruby a corn muffin to snack on while I change Saph's diaper. The whole time she stares at me with her big blue eyes. She doesn't talk much, but she likes to stare at people. It's kinda uncomfortable after a while. After that I strap them both into the joint stroller and make my way to the liquor store. We only have one car in my family and ma drives it to work. But believe me, once I get my own, I'll be out of here faster than you can say fourth of July barbecue.

It takes about twenty minutes to get to the liquor store, but because it's so damn hot and I'm lazy and slow, it took about half and hour. Shoot, maybe even more. And it may not be the smartest thing to do to bring two toddlers into a liquor store, but ma's smart. She's put a little plastic gate in a section that just has water bottles and snacks, so even if they do get restless, they can get their grubby hands on that instead of anything else.

"TJ!" Ruby exclaims. I taught her to call Tyler that because it's easier for her to say than 'Tyler,' but also because he hates it.

"Hey, Rubes," he grins. "How's it goin'?" She giggles, then lets out a very enthusiastic "Good!" I pass ma's children onto her.

"Your husband wants you to bring some cigs home," I tell her. She rolls her eyes. She thinks just because he's my step-daddy, I need to call him that. I'd rather lick a dead toad than call him anything but Dick or dickface.

Tyler suddenly grabs my hand. "Miss Holiday, do ya mind if I borrow Nic for the rest 'a the day?" Mama shoots me a look that I can read so well by now. It says: be careful and don't do anything stupid or else I'll slap you into tomorrow.

"Sure, Tyler," she says. "And tell your ma if she wants to send over any more cake, she's more'n welcome to."

"Yes, ma'am," he nods and pulls me out the store. I can hardly even yell good bye to ma before we're outside.

"Whadda want now, Ty?" I shake my hand free.

He grins and just reaches for it again. I cross my arms and he arches an eyebrow. "I just needa show you somethin.'"

"And what if I don't wanna see somethin'?"

"Then we got a problem, don't we?" We stare at each other for a solid minute. Actually, I glare; Tyler has a mischievous smirk that won't go away. I sigh.

"Fine. What is it?"

"Sh," he places his finger on my lip. He produces a handkerchief from his pocket and turns me around. "Just so you don't peek."

"I ain't gonna-"

"Shut up for once, Nic. Trust me."



"Is this it?"

"Whadda mean, 'is this it?' This is it, Nic!"

"Tyler Joseph..."

"Nicolette Leigh..."

An empty trailer is his surprise and I don't understand. I look at him and he sighs, like explaining is far too much work for him to do. "You know my parents ain't gonna be here. They took Annie to wherever."

So that's what he wants. After blindfolding me and purposely taking the bumpiest road to get here so I'd trip almost every step, I decide to have some fun with him. "I dunno, Ty. I'm pretty tired."

Tyler's the type of person where when he wants something, he really wants it. He falls to his knees and takes my hands. "Come on, Nic! I had this whole thing planned for us! Look-when's the next time we're gonna have a bed, least of all with no one 'round? Ain't you sick of my car or Pam's office?"

I'm about to object because no, I'm not sick of Pam's office. It may be small and only have a desk and one chair, but it has a lock, and whenever Pam leaves me to lock up Tyler usually swings by.

He hugs my middle and burrows his face into my stomach, which have filled with butterflies flapping so hard it feels like they're on steroids or something. "Please, Nic," his voice is so muffled I can hardly hear him. I actually laugh.

"You're the only man I know who actually begs for sex, Ty," I pull him up. He grins widely and I let him push me onto his bed. We've been sleeping outside so often, I forgot how small his entire room is.

He kisses up and down my neck. "Ya know I'd happily grovel at your feet any day, Nic."