The Bucket List

The sun was bearing down on her as Grace squinted at the sun, her sunglasses perched high on her nose as she looked back down to the laptop placed in her lap.

She pushed her hair back before gently tapping at the keys, trying to be careful not to make a sound from where she was sat perched underneath the windowsill.

The reason for Grace’s unique spot was because she was avoiding Bailey. Not for a nasty reason or to be spiteful, she just needed to be aloe.

Every time she saw Bailey, all she could feel was guilt gnawing away at her. Watching Bailey go by carefree, not knowing that her best friend was dying.

But Grace couldn’t deal with the change; she didn’t like how it affected Bailey. Her smile becoming a foreign emotion, being replaced by a worried gaze, checking on her every few minutes, the fun in Bailey’s life slipping away bit by bit.

Grace sighed, unable to hang onto any strand of inspiration and it also didn’t help that her concentration was wavering; she saved her document before shutting off the device and placing it into her bags.

The neighbourhood was filled with noise, passing cars with their windows down, rap music blaring out. Children down the street towards the neighbourhood pool laughing and giggling at the latest gossip.

Grace wanted to be like that, be young and free...have a childhood she never really had. She was never allowed out with her friends, for the fear that she would get sick of have an accident instead the only real friend she had growing up was Bailey and the only reason that she was allowed to see Grace was because they were family.

Grace was kind of thankful for some things that came from this, for one she didn’t get attached to people and then spend days in fear that she was going to lose them. Also she didn’t have to sit and worry that her parents wouldn’t let her go to the next party, simple because she wasn’t invited to them.

The only downside to all this was that Bailey knew everything about her, every little tic. How when she was nervous she slightly push her lips to the left side of her mouth, or how when she was shy or uncomfortable she would brush her hair behind her ear.

This also meant that Bailey knew when Grace was lying to her, the sole reason why Grace had come to the conclusion to hide from her, choosing to finish her work under the windowsill.

She looked down to her bag, gently vibrating next to her. Grace sighed digging her hand deep into it searching for her phone.

Get your ass ready and to Kennedy’s. Bring your swimsuit!

She rolled her eyes, not really feeling up to facing everyone or wearing a swimsuit.

She put her phone down next to her choosing not to reply as she continued to people watch.

This however didn’t last long before a shiny black car pulled up in the drive way, reflecting the sun straight into Grace’s eyes causing her to push her sunglasses further up her nose.

She continued to stare, hoping that the lone gangly figure would be too interested in whatever he was doing to notice her sat there; she held her breath hoping that this was going to help her plan.

“Hey Grace” he said turning to look at her, shooting her a small smile.

The awkwardness stopping when he came downstairs to the kitchen in nothing but his boxers, Bailey following in the shirt he was wearing the day before. It was only natural for John to be there, just like it’s natural to have toilet in your bathroom.

“Hi John” she replied returning his smile, deciding to get up as she lifted her bag to her shoulder, walking towards him before unlocking the door.

“You coming to Kenny’s with us?” he asked following her in, neither bothering to take off their shoes as they walked further into the house, the TV in the living room blaring loudly.

“Nah I think I’m going to sit this one out” she answered politely, giving him another smile before heading upstairs and into her room, quietly shutting the door behind her before heading to the small CD player she had purchased from a flea market a few days previous, the voice of Ryan Adam’s dancing around the room as she began to unpack her bag.

She smiled as one of her favourite songs came on, her hips moving from side to side as she put everything in its correct place onto its desk.

“When they call your name, will you walk right up with a smile on your face? Will you cower in fear? In your favourite sweater with an old love letter” she sang along softly, beginning to put her clothes away into the old chester draws. Her smile widening as the song progressed.

“I wish you would, I wish you would. Come pick me up, take me out fuck me up, steal my records, screw all my friends, they’re all full of shit, with a smile on your face, and then do it again, I wish you would” she continued, standing up and picking up the trilby placed on her wardrobe door handle and placing it on her head.

“When you’re walking down town, do you wish I was there? Do you wish it was me? With the windows clear and the mannequins’ eyes, do they look like mine. You know you could, I wish you would” she turned to her desk, grabbing her hair brush before facing the mirror her voice beginning to pick up momentum.

“Come pick me up! Take me out! FUCK ME UP! STEAL MY RECORDS, SCREW ALL MY FRIENDS, BEHIND MY BACK WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND THEN DO IT AGAIN!” she cried, doubling over as she clutched the hair brush closer to her mouth, shutting her eyes and imagining she was on stage.

“I WISH YOU WOULD” she continued leaning her head back, mouth open ready to continue with the ending of the when she heard a noise in the doorway.

She turned around quickly, chucking the hairbrush on her bed, eyes wide as she stared at the intruder as they doubled over in laughter.

“What the fuck was that” Bailey choked out, clutching John’s arm for support as he coughed trying to slyly cover up his laughter.

“Is there a reason you’re interrupting my performance?” Grace asked rolling her eyes as she paused the music.

“Yeah, get your shit ready. You’re going to Kennedy” she stuttered out between fits of giggles, John trying to get her to calm down slightly.

Grace sighed, not wanting to go and be social but she knew better than to tell Bailey that. She shooed them out, shutting the door softly behind them as she sat on her big, gently nibbling at her left thumb.

The main reason Grace didn’t want to go was because she didn’t want to parade about in a swimming costume let alone a bikini. Her body was one of the things Grace was insecure about. Unlike Bailey she didn’t inherit a high metabolism causing her to be able to eat whatever she liked what still left her as a natural size 6 leaving her to wear whatever she liked and still feel beautiful.

Grace on the other had always been slim, one of the reasons being her cancer. When it was at the most aggressive stage she was either not hungry or couldn’t hold down food leaving her to be frightfully thin.

But after she beat the cancer the first time she began to eat but the weight didn’t stick and her appetite didn’t return leaving Grace to feel disgusting being a size 2.

She hated it, she’d rather people looked at her and whisper she was fat or mock her for eating all the pies than for people to look at her with disgust and pity, thinking she likes to look like this, to look anorexic.

She just wanted to be beautiful like Bailey, so pretty and curvy with the figure that made all the boys drool, than one that made them wince when they hugged her.

There was a soft knock at the door that tore her away from her thoughts.

“You ready yet Grace?” Bailey asked slowly opening the door and walking in. She was clad in a pair of pea green shorts with a white tank top thrown on top, her tattered chucks loosely tied on her feet.
“What’s up?” she asked walking over to sit next to her, placing an arm around her shoulder.

“I just don’t feel up to going out” Grace murmured, pulling her knees too her chest and wrapping her arms around them again.

“Why I thought you were getting on with the guys, especially Garrett, you two are like best friends again” Bailey replied, looking down at Bailey’s hand to see her scratching away at her legs again.

“Grace this isn’t about your weight again is it?” Bailey asked, her voice has a vicious tone to it, when Grace didn’t answer her she stood up her frown deepening as she pulled Grace up, ripping her top off of her body, as she turned to her draws leaving Grace to stand in the middle of the room covering her body.

Bailey finished rifling turning to look at Grace with a stern look on her face, grabbing Grace’s hand and forcing a floral bandeau bikini into them. “Change into it now” Bailey demanding, turning her back on Grace as she paced across the room to look into her wardrobe.

She began looking through her stuff before pulling out a black zip front romper and a brown leather belt. Turning to her bag rack pulling out a white tote bag before beginning to pack things into it.

After she finished getting everything ready she turned around to look at Grace to see that she had in fact changed into the bikini, but was not sat on the bed curling her as small as possible. Bailey turned to the door screaming out John’s name before turning back to her cousin.

When he got upstairs he looked around confused, from Grace sat on the bed, her face covered by her hair as she pretty much try to make herself as small as possible to Bailey stood in front of her, hands on her hips with an angry look contorted on her face.

“What’s going on?” John asked, confused as Bailey didn’t take her eyes from Grace but instead lifted her hand beckoning John towards her.

“Stand up now Grace?” she said, looking down at the girl, when she didn’t Bailey sighed, her hands tightening at her hips, “Stand the fuck up now Grace” she repeated as the younger girl looked up, her eyes pleading for her not to have to do this.

When Grace realized Bailey was not going to back down she did as she said, her arms snaking around her own race, hugging her tightly as Bailey nodded her head once before turning to a confused John.

“Do you think she look’s disgusting John?” she asked, pointing at th younger girl as John’s eyebrow furrowed murmuring a small ‘no’ as Bailey continued to talk, “Do you think she’s ugly, or sick, or gross?”

John looked at Grace, taking in her sullen expression before turning to Bailey repeating his previous answer as she nodded.

“See Grace, no one else thinks you’re disgusting” she said, her face softening like her voice as she took a step towards her cousin wrapping her arms around her in a hug “and no one will today at Kennedy’s so please come, I never get to see you” Bailey whispered, pulling her cousin tighter as John took this as his cue to walk outside the room.