Now What?

I wasn’t sure what it was; I knew they were all jackasses, but watching them out on the field was like eye orgasm or something. Their cleats tore the field under them as they shoved all of their body weight into another unknown person.

Mom enjoyed it, too; I swear she was just like a teenaged girl, only… more mature. “How about that number thirty-two over there?”

Scanning the field for the number, I found Mark Kelly. “Definitely hot,” I admitted. And no, we weren’t referring to the temperature.

“Do you know him?”

“Not exactly. He’s in my pre-calculus class, though.” I watched as Mark tore his helmet off, shaking his damp, curly hair out and staring at the ground while his coach seemed to fuss at him. He seriously looked more muscular than the coach.

Smiling and nudging my side, she said, “Does someone have a crush? He does look handsome.”

I blushed, of course. Handsome? Sweat was dripping down his face and he wore a tight white uniform that hugged his legs and ass. Wasn’t handsome like, formal or some shit like that? “No, I do not have a crush on Mark. Even if I did, I wouldn’t stand a chance. He’s as straight as a damn 2X4.”

She laughed at me, her eyes following the football as it rolled through the air. Too soon, the clock hit zero, and people immediately began standing from their seats. Our school had won, and as our team exited the field, we waited at the gate for them to pass. I wasn’t directly looking at anyone, but some guy stopped and his cold blue eyes just penetrated my boring brown ones. “What are you looking at, faggot?”

“Shut the hell up, Lance.” Mark appeared from the crowd of sweaty guys and pushed him forward into the locker room. He, too, stopped in front of me, and smiled apologetically. “Always ignore him. And if you want to look, then look. No one else really gives a fuck.”

My jaw hit the floor. Or, at least, that’s what it felt like. “Um… No, thank you.” It sounded like a question, though, and he continued to walk into the locker room, laughing a little.

“Well, that was nice of him.”

“He’s just trying to maintain his reputation,” I said, attempting to ignore the stupid girly feeling in my stomach: what a beautiful smile… But, honest to fuck… what he did made absolutely no sense. That had been more risking his ego than saving it. “It wasn’t really very nice of Lance, though… but it’s true, so whatever.”

“Reed…” We were now inside her Chevrolet Tahoe, and she started it up. “Don’t ever think that is true. Anyone who says that to you isn’t worthy, anyway.”

Her eyes went glassy for a minute, and I knew she was thinking about Dad. “Have you talked to him?”

It took her a moment to say anything. “Your father used to tell me when we were teenagers that gay men disgusted him. His child would not be gay.” She just drove for a few more minutes until she finally said, “I told him, ‘You can’t just pick and choose those things. If our son falls in love with a man, then so be it. As long as he is a good man, there shouldn’t be any problem.’ But he was so sure that his child would never be that way… I knew a while before you told me, but he had no clue.”

Technically, she never answered the question, but I knew it was a no. The rest of the ride home was silent, but not awkward. I pondered over why in the world she made him leave.

“Why me?”

She pulled the keys out of the ignition and fell hard against the back of the seat. “Because you were more important…before I was ever even pregnant.”

“How—”

“I didn’t have the best home life when I was younger, Reed, and because of that, I knew that if I neglected my child, or if you were to hate me, I probably couldn’t find any reason for anything.”

“I don’t hate you,” I whispered, shocked.

“I know.” She actually smiled, and after a few minutes, we got out of the charcoal Tahoe and went inside the two-bedroom brick house.

__________________________________________________

“Reed, you want to be partners?”

That question and my momentary fantasies were not a good combination. Too bad he just meant for the stupid Pre-Cal test. Damn. I nodded, though, confused Mark knew my name? It was weird, talking to a jock.

“Just because I’m smart, I know.”

He shook his head. “You’re always alone.”

And that, of course, only confused me more. Excuses, excuses…

Surprisingly, Mark knew his stuff. We finished early and I thanked him.

Perplexed, he asked, “Why?”

“Uh—for what you said last night…at the game? That was pretty—um…cool of you.”

He smiled slightly. “Hey, no problem. Lance always has something up his little white ass, so—”

“Mark. Come over here.” Kevin and Petey waved him over from across the room, and he sighed.

“I’m talking to my partner, man—”

“Yeah, we know you got the smartest fucking partner, but the test is over, so stay away.” Kevin looked at me. “Back off, fag.”

Mark glared at me for a moment. “Bye,” he muttered, but he was looking past me. He stood and sat with them, looking bored and angry. Like I said, he’s got to keep that reputation, right?