The Humane Goodbye

She kept losing her breath, her four short furry legs buckling beneath her as she struggled to fill her little lungs. Maisie was ill, and they all knew it. Esme watched her dog choke, and look up at her with pleading brown eyes.

It was like she was saying, "Help me, mumma."

Esme lay on the sofa when Maisie's fit was over; the poor animal leaped onto the side of the sofa, tail wagging sadly, and she crawled onto her owners chest, lying down and sighing scrapingly. Esme stroked the fur on Maisie's head, looking down at her little girl. Her furry little chest moved up and down in slow, jagged movements, and Esme's eyes teared. She knew her dog was in pain.

"Mum?" she called softly.

Andrea wandered through the door of the living room, wiping her eyes with a paper tissue. She nodded slowly at her daughter, and Esme's eyes overflowed. It was happening today.

The drive to the vets was silent. Esme sat with Maisie on her knees - the puppy slept deeply, her breathing almost returned to normal. The young girl stared out the window, absent-mindedly stroking the dog as her tears streaked down her face slowly, wearing tracks into her cheeks. Her mother held back sobs of her own, trying not to divert her focus from the road.

Esme remembered the day she got Maisie. She was six years old, and all she'd wanted for Christmas was a puppy. Sitting next to the tree, her mother handed her a small white box with small holes littered around it. In Esme's arms, the box started shaking. Unphased, little Esme opened the flaps on the top of the box.

A tiny little ball of pale blonde fluff bounded out into her arms and started licking her face, tail wagging at the speed of sound. Esme giggled wildly and fell gently back on the floor, her fingers tickling the sides of the tiny puppy.

"We're here, honey," Andrea whispered.

Esme crashed back to the present and looked at the now bigger ball of fur in her lap. Maisie had been ill for a while and they knew it was best. They left the car and locked it, walking towards the looming building.

The sky was grey overhead, and clouds rolled across it threateningly. Maisie didn't move or whine or bark. The building moved closer, and Esme's heart sank lower.

*

Another one.

I became a vet to help animals, but sometimes to help them, you have to let them go. What makes it worse is that I know their names. Being a vet is my passion, but sometimes it gets hard, and you just want to pack it all in.

The little family comes through the door: a middle aged woman with a red face and watery eyes; a teenage girl who won't look me in the eyes; and a little ball of fur that looks so ill.

"And who's this little guy?" I smile, holding my arms out for the dog.

"She's called Maisie," the girl mumbles, her voice thick.

I try not to let my smile falter as she hands me the dog; I sit her on the table and she sits up on her haunches, looking at me with loving brown eyes. I stare into them and sigh, stroking Maisie's head roughly. She closes her eyes and lets her tongue loll out of her mouth - I smile and scratch behind her ears.

As I turn away to put my gloves on, Maisie starts gasping for breath. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, the sound making my heart hurt. I pull on my gloves and pull out the needle.

"Will it hurt?" the girl asks.

"No," I reply, turning to face them. "She won't feel a thing - it'll be quick. I'll, uh, leave you to say your goodbyes..."

With that, I leave the room. In my office, I wipe a tear away that is sliding down my cheek. It's always the worst part of the job...

*

Esme sat on the edge of the table, looking down at Maisie, who was lolling lazily and tiredly on the cold metal bench. She stroked the dogs head and scratched her ears, and Maisie's tail wagged unenthusiastically.

"I'm really going to miss you, Maise," Esme whispered.

She bent low and kissed the dog on the top of her head. Maisie looked up at her and licked her cheek slowly, her tail wagging slightly faster. She looked exhausted. The streaks of silver around her muzzle looked more prominent, and her eyes hung down to show her age.

Esme stood up and walked to the corner of the room, her eyes pricking furiously before tearing up. She turned her head away and buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

Andrea took the place where Esme was sat, picking up the small dog and placing her in her lap, front paws on her shoulders and back legs on her thighs. She wrapped her arms around Maisie and stroked her back and head, supporting her with her arms.

"My poor puppy," Andrea whispered. "You're so loved. You'll be so missed."

She kissed the dogs head in the same fashion as Esme had, and Maisie licked her chin. Andrea smiled small and scratched the dogs ears, before gently lowering her back to the bench, where she lay down with a jagged sigh.

The vet came back in, sadness in his eyes as he plastered on a reassuring smile.

*

The poor animal lies there, not really able to do much else other than let her tail wag lackadaisically. My heart pangs for the family. It isn't just losing a pet; it's losing a family member.

I pick up the needle from the counter, flicking it to make sure there were no air bubbles. I take the cap off the needle, which glints smugly in the florescence, and I frown at it.

"Okay then," I mutter, unable to keep the sadness from my voice.

The two steps I take towards the bench seem too slow and too quick at the same time. The dog looks up at me, her big, droopy eyes sad. I know dogs aren't intelligent, but it's like she knows.

I stroke the fur on her head once more and she closes her eyes, laying her head on the table with a sigh. Slowly, I push the needle into her and push on the plunger.

*

Esme looked back at the dog once the needle was away. Maisie's tail wagged slowly and her eyes opened slightly. Everyone crowded around Maisie, just waiting for the chemical to kick in. Esme held back sobs, but couldn't hold back her tears; Andrea sobbed quietly, her abused tissue constantly mopping her eyes and nose; the vet looked on sadly.

Maisie sat her head up slightly, pushing her nose under Esme's hand. Her tail wagged very slowly, and she nuzzled Esme's hand gently.

"I love you, Maise," Esme whispered.

The dog licked at Esme's hand softly, letting her owner know that she loved her too. Esme let a sob slip through her sad smile, and she patted her dogs head gently, stroking down her back to the end of her almost motionless tail.

Maisie put her head back on her front paws and sighed. Her eyes closed slowly and her tail stopped wagging. Not much longer afterward, her chest stopped moving.

Esme's sadness peaked and she started sobbing loudly, throwing herself at her mother. Andrea wrapped her arms round her daughter and stroked her hair, crying heavily herself.

The vet pulled a plastic sheet over Maisie slowly. He didn't know what to say. Esme and Andrea walked out of the room slowly, still crying. Maisie was gone forever.