Hang Me Up To Dry

I didn’t attach myself to John. At least not right away. After all, he was gone for a month and I began to wonder if he only started something he knew he wouldn’t be able to finish. But the weird part was he actually did text me. It felt nice, to talk to someone, even if they weren’t there. But my loneliness started taking over my life.

I absolutely had no one to talk to here now and that sort of depressed me. John was the only thing keeping me sane.

‘What do we have here?’ I asked stupidly the day before my first day of school.

‘Well…I like you and you like me right?’

My heart skipped a beat. The truth was I did like him, but all this uncertainty clouded my thoughts and my pessimistic side took over.

Before I got a chance to reply, he called me over Skype. Well hello there. But oh my God he looked so cute.

“Do you like me?” He asked quietly.

“Why are you whispering?”

Suddenly I heard, “John! Get off of Skype with Rianne!”

“I don’t wanna!” He looked back at me and his face was so worried. Like he actually cared what I thought about him.

“I do like you…” He started smiling and became relieved. “But.”

“But what?”

“I don’t want to be hurt by you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

I became relieved then and I returned his smile. I still didn’t fully trust the situation.

“So what happens now?” I asked and looked at the clock.

“I’ll be back to you soon and I’ll let you know. I have to go now, though. It’s almost time for us to play.”

“Okay, have fun.”

Have fun? What the fuck Rianne?

--John--

I ended the call with Rianne and rubbed my face in my hands. At first, I was just saying the right things to get her to like me. Now that she’s opening up and I know her, I’m starting to feel things for her. This wasn’t just a game anymore.

We actually didn’t have a show today but we went to a party and Caty was there. Caty was this girl I met in Dallas (I guess I have a thing for Texan girls) and we had a fling a year ago. We were cool with each other, but she annoyed me with how nosy and self-centered she was. Kennedy, Jared and I were by the bar, pouring endless drinks for ourselves and she made her way over to me.

“Hey John,” she said and placed her hands on my shoulder. “You doin’ okay?”

“Fantastic.” I threw back a shot and realized I’d rather be talking to Ri. This party atmosphere didn’t feel like me anymore. At least without her it didn’t feel right. “I’m going to go call Ri,” I said to Kennedy and walked away.

“I’m starting to think this is more serious than you put it off to be.”

I shrugged. “I like her.” I took a step but took a step back. “You know what, the bet’s off. This isn’t a silly little game anymore.”

--Rianne--

My first day of class yesterday was amazing. It was only four hours long and I was done. I was at work when Sam texted me.

‘Is there something going on between you and John?’

‘I think so.’

‘He dedicated Into Your Arms to “a girl named Rianne” last night at the show.’

‘What?! Um okay…’

As I was working, all I thought about was what Sam said John did. I gave someone a mocha instead of a caramel. Oh well.

“So I heard you dedicated a song to me last night,” I said into my iPhone once I got in my car.

“Maybe I did.”

“Into Your Arms? Really? Are you that corny?” I laughed and he laughed as well.

“It made sense…you’re the new girl in town and you acted like you had it all figured out. And I love your smile.”

“Well what about my eyes?” I teased.

“Like sunsets, baby.”

“Legs?”

“They go on for days.”

“Ugh, I just want to give you a hug. Why can’t you be here?”

“Because I’m trying to put bacon on the table or however the expression goes.”

“You could put the whole farm on the table.”

“You just have the cutest metaphors,” he said.

“We’re not going to be like this ‘you hang up, no you hang up’ couple are we?”

“If we ever become like that, I give you permission to hit me.”

I laughed. “Okay. I’ll remember that.”

“You’re just going to think of reasons to hit me now.”

“Maybe…”

****

My shift ended and I was exhausted from a long week of school and work. I walked out to my car and John was leaning against it.

“Hi Rianne,” he said calmly.

I walked over to him and gave him a hug. “Hello John.”

“Can I bum a ride with you?”

“No. Of course.” We got in my car and he started to light up a cigarette. “Uh, no. You’re not smoking in my car.”

When we got back to the complex, we both went in my apartment. “Let’s talk,” he said and plopped on the couch.

“That’s not something you hear a lot of guys say…”

“Yeah, well, I’m confused and I bet you are too.”

I sat facing him with my legs crossing over him and he put his hand on my leg. “I just… I don’t want to fall into something head first and this to turn out to be just your charm. Let’s face it, you’re not exactly just the ‘boy next door,’ you’re more than that. You’re the singer of a band, for crying out loud. How do I know you’re not going to hurt me?”

“I’m not saying that we’re going to get married and have kids right now. But I want to try and see if we will.”

“You’re not ready to settle down. You’re so young. I’m so young. I feel like I would get cheated on again. I can’t handle that.”

“I’m not a douchebag. If I’m committed to someone, I stay committed.” He paused and stroked my leg. “Are you just not even going to try?”

“You scare me.”

“You scare me.” He looked into my eyes and I could tell that he meant it. “I’ve known you for what? A month? And I’ve only seen you less than a week of that month? You make me feel different. You make me want to be a better person. That scares the shit out of me.”

“I feel the same way, it’s just…”

“Just what?” He held my hand reassuringly.

“My past relationships haven’t had the best track record for monogamy. It just worries me that this is going to end up just like that.”

“Why do you think of me the same way as them?”

“You’re 22, you’re becoming famous and a ton of girls want you.”

“I don’t want them.” He intertwined his fingers with mine and tried to get me to look at him. “So that’s it, then? You’re not even going to try this because I scare you?”

“No, no. I want to try. But if you hurt me…”

“You’ll kill me?”

I laughed and brought his face closer to kiss him. “Oh, no. I’ll hire a hit man to do that.”

****

I was sitting on the couch, sipping some iced tea John had made earlier and playing around on the MacBook Pro I needed for class. I decided to see what everyone back home was up to on Facebook then changed my relationship status to “in a relationship” and everything blew up. Sam, for one, was freaking the fuck out because she was the only one who knew who it was. All of the early comments were just asking who it was or expressing their joy for me. Then there was Jake.

‘…the fuk…’ Then he started messaging me and calling me a bitch or a whore or skank.

‘Why are you so goddamn mad? I’m not even with you anymore!

‘bcuz i still wanna get wit u. y didnt u tell me first’

‘Sorry, I didn’t know I had to check in with you, asshole.’

I closed my laptop angrily and threw it next to me and John noticed from the kitchen. “Ri?”

“Yeah.”

“Everything okay?”

“Sure.”

He put something in the oven and walked over to me. “No, tell me.”

“It’s just Jake being a dick.”

“What happened?”

“I changed my status to ‘in a relationship’ and he blew up at me and started calling me names.”

“Why are you still friends with him?”

“I don’t know.”

He took my laptop and deleted him as a friend after he saw what he said to me then started clicking a few more things.

“What are you doing?” I said suspiciously.

“Nothing…” He said even more suspiciously. “You know, I never thought you would be someone that would get so worked up about what someone else thought of you.”

“Well I’m not going to say it doesn’t hurt.”

“You shouldn’t listen to people. Especially people like him.”

“But if one person thinks something, who knows how many other people think it?”

“If a hundred people think you’re a slut that’s not going to make it come true,” he said and handed my laptop back to me then walked back into the kitchen. I saw that I was friends with him now and his name was tagged in my relationship and mine in his.

“Whoa, we’re friends on Facebook now? Must be getting serious.”

“We’re Facebook official now. Oh and Rianne?”

“Yes John.”

“Fuck anyone who tells you anything different than what you believe.”

-Thanksgiving-

I left John in Arizona although he’d been gone the entire month on tour and was in Texas alone. Alone, but strangely cheerful. I was falling in love. But shh, I didn’t want him to know that yet. I’d been home for the past two days and my entire family was at my house. I didn’t realize I’d miss them all so much. I peeked into the kitchen to watch my parents cook as usual but something was off. They both looked annoyed, my dad more so than my mom, and when they saw that I was watching, it was like they started putting on an act and weren’t bothered anymore. Okay Mom and Dad.

Once I noticed this, it was like everyone around me changed and they were all repentant. After Thanksgiving dinner with no eye contact between either of my parents, I knew something was terribly wrong.

We started talking in the living room afterwards. “So you’ll never guess who my neighbor is,” I started, almost exuding happiness. My mom shook her head and waited for me to continue. “John O’Callaghan!”

“Is he that singer of The Maine? The cute one?” I nodded. “What are the odds? Is he nice?”

“Incredibly. So guess what else?”

“What’s that Dear?”

“He’s sorta been my boyfriend for a couple of months.”

Her initial reaction was that she didn’t really approve, or understand, really. “That’s great, Ri! I wish you two all the best.” She paused for a minute to look at my dad. “Honey,” my mom started. I started crying. I already knew. “Your father and I have decided…to get a divorce.” I was crying before, now I was bawling. My parents were always the trophy couple. Never in a million years would I have thought that things would have come to this. “Ri, it’s not your fault. This was a long time coming. We decided we would do this after you graduated high school.”

“But what about Ryan? Did you think about him? He’s twelve!”

“Yes, Rianne, we thought about everything. But this has gone on too long. We fell out of love a long time ago.”

I blinked out my tears. “You can’t just fall out of love with somebody. Not someone you’ve been married to for 20 years!”

“You can and we did. Rianne, please don’t overthink this. Just go up to your room and get some rest. It’s a lot of information to take in.”

When I got back to Arizona, I went straight to John’s door and let everything out. He had his arm around me and I’m pretty sure I was getting his shirt wet with all these tears coming out of my eyes. “It’s okay, I’m here. I love you.”

“You-you what?”

“I love you.”