Hang Me Up To Dry

Sam left to go back to Texas Monday morning before my class and it was now Wednesday, the day John gets to come home. Ross and I were in the car together and I thought it’d be awkward, but it wasn’t. Even though I said I couldn’t be with him right now, he took that as still showing affection so he held a couple of my fingers as he drove.

“How are you feeling?” he asked me as he turned onto the deserted road.

“Anxious. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

We walked into the reception area of the rehab clinic once we got there and John was walking down the stairs. He looked so different. It was him, but he didn’t look so unhealthily skinny anymore. It was like he actually had life in him now.

Ross was finishing the paperwork while I walked over to the staircase and he wrapped me in his arms, as if saying he was grateful to me. “I missed you, Rianne,” he whispered.

“I missed you too.” He stepped back to look at me and he could read on my face a thousand different feelings.

“Are you okay?”

“I think so. We need to have a little chat when we get back to the apartment.”

He looked down like he knew that was coming. “I know. We do.” He stroked my arm subconsciously as Ross walked over to us and stood unnecessarily close to me.

“Uh, we’re all set and good to go now.”

The ride back was extremely uncomfortable. I opted to sit in the back again but John did too, so Ross was in the front, gripping the wheel, looking back at us frequently in the rearview mirror.

When we got back to the apartment, I thought Ross would never leave. Things seemed that way until he decided to at 11:59 pm. Geez Louise.

I was in the kitchen fixing John and I some chicken noodle soup, even though it was midnight. He sat on the barstool while he watched me.

“So,” I said.

“So,” he said in return. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for all of this.”

“I know that you’re sorry. I just want to know what you were thinking.”

“I have no idea, to be honest. I thought it would be harmless but once I started feeling something for you, I knew it wasn’t right to do that. Will you ever forgive me?”

I put his bowl of soup in front of him and leaned on my elbow on the counter. “Maybe. We’ll see how this week goes.”

“You’re gonna take care of me for a week?” He started smiling, then put a spoonful of soup in his mouth.

“Unfortunately. I need to see you on your way to recovering.”

“Wasn’t that what rehab was for?”

“Well you could fall into a relapse here. I’m here to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“Not on your watch.”

“Nope.”

“I love you, by the way.”

“I know.”

Less than a week later, he had relapsed. But not with drugs, with me. We had fallen back into our normal rhythm of sleepovers sans sleeping. I don’t know how it happened, I just have a soft spot for him.

Saturday morning before work, his head was rested on my abdomen as I ran my fingers softly through his hair. It just felt right being with John, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how Ross was feeling.

“Ross told me that he was in love with you,” John said as he was stroking my leg.

“He did?”

“Yeah.” He was quiet for a second. “Do you love him back?”

“I do. But not in the way you think.”

“Does he know that?”

“I’m sure…why?”

“I don’t know. I just get the feeling he’s going to fight me to the death for you.”

“Yeah, you better watch out. He’s gonna get you.”

“I’ll take that as a challenge,” he said, then made his way up to my face and kissed me.

I took a brief nap due to exhaustion and I woke up on the floor with all of the bedding pulled off as well. John’s arm was around me and his hand was stationed a little too far down south so I just held it and nonchalantly brought it higher as he breathed in and woke up.

“John…are we back together?” I asked when he intertwined his fingers with mine.

“I didn’t know we weren’t before.”

“That was kind of the idea I had in mind when I walked out.”

“What are you thinking?” He asked and kissed my neck. “Is this about Ross?”

“Kind of. I would feel bad if he doesn’t get an explanation.”

“Let me talk to him.”

--John--

Rianne left shortly after that to go to work and I was getting ready to go over to my parents’ house to talk to Ross.

I sat outside of the large one story I grew up in for a few moments before I could willingly go in there. To be honest, I was scared of Ross and what was going to happen. When I walked inside, my mom was making a cake and she had some fresh croissants sitting on the counter so I pulled off a part of one and ate it.

“Finish the whole thing, John. Don’t just leave half a croissant.”

“Nice to see you too, Mom.”

“It’s nice to see you, John. Was there something you needed?”

“Yeah, is Ross here?”

“He should be. I think he’s playing video games in his room.”

I left her there and went to go find him. He was playing Modern Warfare with his door slightly cracked. “Ross?” I said cautiously.

He immediately paused the game and stood up. “Oh hey John.”

“Hey.” I pushed open the door a little more and stepped inside. “I wanted to talk about Rianne.”

“What’s there to talk about?” He looked away from me and started messing with something on his desk.

“You love her, don’t you?”

“What does it matter? She doesn’t want me when you’re around.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk about.” I sat on his bed and he sat on his computer chair. He looked like he would punch me in the face if he really felt like it. “I can tell that she feels something for you. You have to understand though that I’m in love with her and she was with me before I went to rehab.”

“She left you.”

I looked down and picked at my jeans. I didn’t know how I was going to tell him what I was about to tell him. “Ross, we’re back together now. But I just wanted you to know that she felt bad for not giving you an explanation.”

“Believe me, I get it,” he said coldly and rolled farther away from me. “I’m second best.”

“She cares so much about you.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He was facing out the window and didn’t say anything after that so I took the cue to leave his room.

I drove back to the apartment subconsciously, not even remembering how I got back. Now not only did Rianne feel a little bit of regret, so did I. I feel like I just stole something from my brother, but when in actuality I just stole it back. Why am I feeling so bad?

I heard Rianne get home next door at around eleven and surprisingly I was extremely tired. She has me on a new schedule where I actually sleep during the night. But we make a note of eating dinner together so I went over there.

“What’s for dinner?” I asked when she came out of her room, shocked that I was there in the first place.

“Hot Pockets?”

“Sounds good.”

I didn’t bring up Ross while we ate. I didn’t want her to know how much it bothered him.

“So I’ve come to the decision that I’m not going to feel guilty for what happened with Ross while you were away,” she said and took a bite of the pepperoni pizza flavored pocket. “I admit that I knew what I was doing when we were hanging out and where it was going. But on the other hand, in my eyes we were not together. That being said, I’ve realized that it was reckless and he should recognize that I’m in love with you.”

“That’s very insightful,” I said while I had my mouth full and she could barely understand what I was saying. “I went to go talk to him today. He’s bitter about things.”

“I know it sounds harsh, but he’ll get over it. We need to set him up on a date or something. Get his mind off of me.”

I stuck my hand out for her to grab and we shook hands. “Deal.”

--Rianne--

I was feeling pretty good about the way things were going with John. Everything was behind us about the whole bet thing but the Ross cloud was still hanging over our heads.

Monday evening I got a call from Mark, the admissions guy from my school saying that he wanted to talk to me before my final class on Wednesday, today, so I was on my way to his office.

“Hey Rianne, how’s everything going?” He asked and shook my hand as I took a seat.

“Fantastic, I love it here.”

“Glad to hear it. You know, when I was talking to you a year ago about your internship and where you wanted it to be and you said anywhere, I found you one.”

“Oh my God that’s great! Is it in Tempe?”

“Even better. You’re going to LA.”