Any Other Heart

It's safe to say I hated you. I really did and even now I'm not afraid to admit that. Even now you are still as naive and ignorant as you were back then, you expected that this wouldn't change us, that the fact you ignored my wishes and picked her over me wouldn't affect me.

Louis, you're such an idiot if you think that. Maybe it was my fault to begin with, I wouldn't be surprised because I know you blame me for it too. But at the end of the day I was the one who got his heart ripped mercilessly to shreds as he watched his best friend, his only love being taken away forever by a girl who couldn't truly love you as much as I do.

Everyone said she was better for you, they told me that boys shouldn't feel this way about each other. You cared didn't you? I didn't. I'd just like you to know one thing, Louis Tomlinson. You've broken me beyond repair and it all started from something that you did.

I remember it clearly, almost as if the scene right now is playing in my head. A snowy winter night, to be exact it was your birthday, Christmas Eve. All of us had bought you so many gifts, you were in one of those states where you wouldn't shut up, that grin only seemed to get wider and wider.

You were drunk and didn't know half the things you were spouting. I only laughed every one of them off, knowing that you didn't mean a word and you'd most likely forget it all in the morning. I pushed you into our apartment as I made my way over to our couch and sat down.

I could see a glint in your eyes as you approached me, it was completely different to the looks you have given me before. All I could do was stare and wonder: what's going on in this boy's mind?

A second later you answered that when you straddled me and kissed me. Even now I'm wondering why you did it. I was shocked and didn't know what to do as your hands pulled at my curly locks, one hand going to the back of my neck.

I was taken away by all of this and any sanity was beginning to seep out of me. You pulled away acting as if this was nothing. We've been close for all this time, you didn't expect that this would freak me out. Your kiss was contagious and from then on I just couldn't get enough.

"You're amazing Harry." Your hands travelled down my chest, giggling at my stunned expression. You kept on uttering those words unaware that you were slowly sinking me down into a world where you only existed.

I assumed that this meant something for us, that this would change everything. It definitely changed my view on things greatly. I never saw you as just a best friend ever again but you didn't see this as being any different.

Christmas came and went and soon enough we were into the New Year. Louis had forgotten about his drunken escapades and what he did. He acted like his normal self but Louis, you were so cruel to me.

I know for sure that you weren't aware of it but every time you touched me even if it was a pat on the shoulder, it sent an overwhelming feeling through me. The kiss you gave me had made me realize more about you. The fact that your eyelashes were pretty long and that your eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue I've ever seen in my life.

I noted everything about you that others couldn't see. The whole 'Larry Stylinson' thing was getting to me too. I asked you about your opinion on it but you just laughed.

"It's just those silly fan girls, Harry. Ignore it," You snickered, "It's not like any of it is true."

You angered me, Louis to a state where I couldn't take it anymore. No one else was around, Liam and Zayn had gone with Niall to Nandos as he was hungry again. I couldn't remember the reason why we were at our apartment when we could have been out with them but I chose this as the proper moment to act.

"So you don't remember anything?" I questioned only to receive a confused look from you.

"What are you talking about?" You asked.

I rolled my eyes as I backed you up against the wall. My height was definitely an advantage even if you were older. My hands traced over every part of your face, your eyes, your nose, and to the point where my fingers lingered over your lips and your breathing suddenly hitched.

It was a silence that told me I had to do it. I leaned in and the distance was closed once again. You shut your eyes, melting into the kiss as you kissed back. I chose this as my chance to try more.

I licked your bottom lip as you opened your mouth slightly obligingly letting my tongue explore the inside of your mouth as our tongues fought for dominance. I pulled away as you stared at me and said two words that I really didn't expect to come out of your mouth.

"Holy fuck," you swore as I giggled at this sudden outburst.

You smirked ruffling my hair in a way that me cringe. "I didn't know you could kiss like that."

I would have to say from there on out our relationship changed drastically. We didn't tell anyone about what was happening between us, you told me it would be a bad idea but some people could just tell that something was changing.

Liam for example has always been one of them. He was watching over us like a hawk and was seeing the little things that were trying so hard to hide. Like when we were in interviews we couldn't keep our eyes off each other - or our hands.

Maybe we were crappy liars or maybe it was just the fact that I didn't want to lie about you, Louis. I wanted to be honest with the world and admit that fucking hell, I am in love with my best friend. I expected you to be the same. But you fooled me.

I thought that you had broken up with Eleanor already, actually you said you had done it ages ago. You must understand how it felt when I saw you two at my birthday party kissing each other.

I had never felt so angry in my entire life. You had caught me watching and you ran after me leaving a stunned Eleanor on the dance floor. You grabbed onto my hand but I whacked you away not wanting to talk to a lying cheat face who used to be my best friend.

"Wait, please listen to me," you pulled me back as I turned around and glared at you.

"What?!" I shouted, not being able to stop myself.

You looked distressed like you were stuck with what you wanted to truly say. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a really long time. Eleanor and I....Harry, I proposed to her. It was a while ago actually."

Those few words managed to tear everything apart in a few seconds. My eyes widened, processing them. Did I mean absolutely nothing to you? This was the first time that I had ever heard that you wanted to still be with Eleanor. Was it wrong of me to think that the two of us were something more? Was it just me who thought this was love?

I thought that nothing could make this any worse but you proved me wrong, didn't you? "I want you to be my best man," you uttered the words like you were ashamed of them.

I could feel it already, the feeling of tears threatening to pour from my eyes relentlessly. I did my best to stand tall to not cry in front of you like a baby. But I deserved to. I was confused, I didn't understand where this had suddenly come from.

All I could do was smile at you weakly as you told me the date of your wedding. It was fucking Valentines Day.



Stop crying. That's what I've been telling myself lately because I know there's no point crying when I know there is nothing I can do to change your mind. I should know by now that when Louis Tomlinson's mind is set, nothing can change that. Not even my pleas can.

You wouldn't even tell me why you were doing this. You acted like everything that happened between us was completely irrelevant.

Well, it meant something to me. Of course it did. Are you that dense that you'd think I'd stand and watch you marry that woman happily? Of course not, I'm depressed. I feel like my whole world has suddenly caved in on me and now I realize that I don't want anyone else to have you.

I want to say to her face: he's mine! So maybe she'd back off and you'd both drop this idea of marriage. I can't do that, she'd probably laugh. I understand that she's so much better for you. She's a woman she can give you a family. I should just stay as your best friend, that part that I've been playing so well for years now. Strangely enough, I'm a horrible actor.

Liam knows what's going on, or what had happened. He made me talk to him, even cornered me when you were having your fancy rehearsal dinner and I had decided to sneak off to a place where the whole speech of how happy you two would be couldn't be heard.

Liam followed me out and I didn't realize until then just how much he knew. I hate to cry, especially in front of Liam but as he approached me I couldn't help but sink into his arms because I needed someone, anyone to relieve me of this horrible feeling that was beginning to consume me.

"I fucking hate him!" I grabbed fistfuls of Liam's shirt, my hands shaking.

I didn't hate you, I hated what you were doing but my judgement was clouded and all I could do was say profanity after profanity. Liam was helpful, he listened to my whole story everything that happened between the first time that you kissed me to the point where you told me you were marrying someone else.

"And he has the nerve to choose me as his best man when he knows what I feel," I gritted my teeth wanting to go back out there and voice my opinion to a bigger audience.

I guess you never meant it the times you told me how important and fucking amazing I was to you because if you truly meant it, you wouldn't be doing this to me.

Liam tried to soothe me and calm me down. "It's alright, Harry. Everything will be fine."

I shook my head, Liam didn't understand. He couldn't comprehend how this was tearing me up inside.

"No, it won't be alright because I know that tomorrow when he's standing there on the altar with her, I won't even be able to look his direction. I probably won't even be able to stand being in the same room." I wiped at my eyes, hoping I didn't look like a puffy faced weirdo.

What would this mean for you and me, Louis? I'll go back to our apartment by myself or I'll probably end up selling it and moving out because being in that place will only remind me of you. Even so, this has effected our friendship. If you expect me to visit you and your happy family for special get togethers then think again.

The rehearsal dinner finished quicker than I expected and the whole night I didn't even talk to you. It was a first for the both of us, people were confused why I was being so quiet. You were concerned too. You left Eleanor to talk to some of her friends as you ran after me as I was about to exit the building.

"What's the matter?" You asked, completely unaware of everything.

Did you even have to ask that? Why couldn't you realize it on your own accord? I didn't want to talk to you, I wanted you to leave me alone and gloat on why my life totally sucked. But you didn't.

You took me by the hand and lead me away from the crowd of people. We were in an empty bar room and I had a feeling you wouldn't let me go until everything between us was sorted.

I sat down on one of the stools at the bar, looking over it at the many different alcoholic drinks that were on display. I was shocked when I felt your hand touch my knee ever so gently. It travelled up my leg in a way that made it seem like you were bewitching me.

I couldn't understand what was happening. Was I dreaming, was this not real? Or was the fact that you had decided to marry Eleanor the dream? But no, every part of this was reality. The fact that your hand was still on my leg as you pulled yourself closer to me so your lips were only a few centimeters away from mine.

I stared at those lips and then back at your hypnotizing eyes. You were still marrying Eleanor, so why were you doing this? Was it to make me feel worse? I wanted to stop your advances but my mind was being taken over by the lust and frustration that had been building up for a very long time. All rationality had gone and deserted me.

I didn't think for a second as I swung my arms around your neck and pulled you closer as your lips met mine once again. It was like the perfect fit; a lock and key. You pulled away and began to place kisses down my neck and bit down hard so a moan would unconsciously slip from my mouth.

All I could think about was you, Louis until I reminded myself that you were going to be married and you shouldn't have been doing this with me. Not unless you had changed your mind. I pushed you off me as you looked at me dejectedly.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you building my hopes up and making me feel that you actually care for me when I know you're only going to knock me down?" I asked.

You stuttered on the next few words, "I love you, Harry."

My eyes widened and for a second my heart beat like a jack rabbit. I shook my head, realizing that you were still doing it to me unconsciously. "Then why are you marrying her?!"

Looking away, you bit down on your lip nervously. "I love her as well, it's best if Eleanor and I are together."

I wanted to know what was going on in your mind for you to act like this. If only I could forget it all and let you have your way with me again. But I was sensible and maybe that was a bad thing.

"I get it but I don't want you to act like this with me anymore. You're only making it more painful for me. I know there's no way I can change your mind but at least spare me the hurt of thinking so," I jumped off of the stool walking away from you as you stared after me, at a loss for words.



I was definitely regretting coming at all. I had thought it over hundreds of times, wondering what you would think if I decided to not go to your wedding. I'm sure you wouldn't want to have me crying while everyone else would be staring up at the happy couple.

Somehow I managed to convince myself that I had to go. If I went then maybe it would be away of getting over you because then I would realize this was all real and not a nightmare. So I went, I got dressed into finer clothing, a suit that you had bought for me considering as I hadn't even bothered to go out and get one.

It wasn't long until I was at the church, that too cute church that made me absolutely sick to my stomach. Everything just seemed too perfect. I hated it. As I entered the room that you were getting ready you turned around and smiled at me.

You're too fucking perfect, especially in that goddamn suit. If I closed my eyes then maybe I could imagine the tables being turned. I wasn't waiting for you to marry someone else, you never proposed to her in the first place. I really needed to get a reality check.

You wrapped your arms around me, embracing me in a hug that already made me whimper.

"Thanks so much for coming." It seems even you had doubted my appearance on this special (but torturous) day.

I shrugged not wanting to say anything because I know I was close to breaking point. Sooner or later, I'd be clinging onto Liam for support. You gave me a small smile, one that wasn't sincere at all.

You must have been aware of what you were doing. How could you not realize what you were doing to me? You leaned in, kissing me on the cheek in a friendly way like we used to in the beginnings of our days in One Direction. I missed those days, everything was so innocent back then.

You left the room and Liam came in dragging me out and telling me we had to get ready. People were already pouring into the church, taking their seats and talking to each other in anticipation.

Before long, you were waiting at the altar, staring in the direction that Eleanor would come in. The door opened, revealing the girl who I had come to hate out of jealousy. But she was so beautiful. How could I deny that fact?

My eyes gazed at your face, seeing the smile appear on it as she walked towards you, equally as happy. You held out a hand as she grasped it tightly and the ceremony began. I zoned out for most of it because most of the time I was looking at the expression on your face wondering whether you'd back out. I was wishing you would.

Liam, who was beside me, squeezed my hand comfortingly. I began to shake and even when the minister asked that question, I didn't say anything. It was the question where I could speak out and tell them that I do object, that I wanted to be with you Louis.

I couldn't seem to be able to speak my mind. I watched the two of you exchange vows and then you sealed the deal with a kiss. My world shattered like glass and I could already feel tears slipping down my cheeks. I didn't have the heart to wipe them away.

You were smiling, holding onto her waist as you walked back down the aisle with her. Your head slightly turned to look back at me, as I stared after you pleadingly. But what could I do? You were already pronounced man and wife. Our eyes met for a split second and in that second I understood everything. Your head turned away from me, slowly and I lost it.

From then on, I hated Valentine's Day because each time that day came around it reminded me of when I lost you forever.