Retrouvailles

Loren didn’t know what to think. She was certain she’d never been in love before and the thought of someone outside her immediate family loving her was terrifying. But Sidney did—he loved her. He’d just came right out and said it, too, making it even more horrifying.

There was no denying they’d been through a lot in just over a year. Loren had been hired, hypothetically tortured, fired, relocated a few hundred miles away, torn apart and put back together again. Sidney climbed his way back to the top after being at rock bottom, unsure if he’d even be able to make that climb again. But he’d known all along that he was capable so long as he had the right people in his corner rooting for him. Had Loren not been there…

Well, he didn’t really want to think about that.

Once upon a time Loren hadn’t been in a position to give more of herself to someone than she absolutely needed to. She put in just enough to get by, placing more emphasis on her career than whatever relationship she was faking her way through at the time. Now that she was safe and secure in Philadelphia, there was nothing in her way. Nothing except fear. She felt it. She felt it in the way she couldn’t look Sidney in the eye when he told her he loved her. She felt it as her eyes began to glaze over. She felt it as the panic told her to run far away and forget Sidney Crosby ever existed.

Loren had never run from anything in her life. It wasn’t time to start now.

So he loved her. He was able to look beyond her tough-as-nails facade and see something worth loving deep down. Someone actually bothered to stick around long enough to see that she was worthy and deserving of love just like everyone else. No one had bothered to do that before.

“Sidney…”

He sat up. “You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted to tell you.”

“It’s not that, it’s just…” Loren took a deep breath. She was actually crying now, but trying desperately to keep it together. “I just don’t know how anyone could love someone like me.”

Her words hit him like a ton of bricks. “Tell me you aren’t serious.” When she didn’t answer, he immediately pulled her into his lap and just held her. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many explanations he wanted to give her, but it’d take days. He’d never be able to truly put into words why he loved her, but as long as she knew that he did—and that he meant it—that was good enough for now.

Still, this was the woman who’d pulled him from the darkest time of his life and thrust him back into the light. She taught him how to be a better man; not through how-to presentations or self-help books, but with patience and understanding. Even when she was hundreds of miles away, she was all he thought about. She was what kept him going when he had no other reason to. And for that she deserved to know why she was worth it.

“You have no idea, Lo,” he said. She nearly flinched as he pressed a kiss to her temple. “I don’t know how you can look at yourself and not see the same person I see.”

“You’re biased.”

“Maybe,” he agreed, “but you’ve gotta be worth it if…”

“You’re willing to be seen with me in public,” Loren finished. It sounded insensitive, like the other girls Sidney had toyed with the idea of dating had been hideous creatures that were meant to be kept in a closet, but Loren knew how much it meant to him.

He chuckled nervously. “Right, yeah.”

Loren sighed. This was the moment she’d been preparing herself for her entire life—the moment someone admitted their feelings for her and she didn’t know what to do. A crush was one thing; she could handle crushes and didn’t feel all that bad about turning them down. But this was love—the real deal, the whole shebang, the Stanley Cup of relationships. Was she ready for this?

Sidney knew the second her demeanor changed. She nearly went limp in his arms, or maybe he’d just gotten so used to her take-no-prisoners attitude that any display of vulnerability set him off. She opened her mouth to speak, stuttered a whispered word, and closed it. She tried again and got the same result.

“Why me?” she finally said, and Sidney had to struggle to hear her.

“Why not you?”

She shrugged. “You could have anyone you wanted.”

“Yet I wound up with you,” Sidney grinned. It proved to be contagious as a smaller version made its way onto Loren’s face. “You’re perfect for me, Lo. Please don’t ever believe that’s not true.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, neither one wanting to interrupt the silence with insecurities or unnecessary proclamations of love. Everything was out in the open now; they had no secrets between them anymore. Still, there was one thing nagging at Loren that she couldn’t ignore.

“You hated me.”

“What?”

“When you first met me,” she clarified. “You hated me, didn’t you?”

Sidney laughed to himself, struggling to remember exactly what he felt the second he met Loren. He hadn’t been sold on the idea that he needed a publicist or assistant or whatever management was labeling her. Since he was a kid he’d been prepped and primed for the limelight; he gets one concussion and suddenly he can’t speak for himself. But he tried to keep an open mind, even joked along with his teammates that if she was smoking hot she probably wouldn’t do much work outside of his bedroom. It was all fun and games until she showed up and actually was a smoking hot girl. Suddenly all of his teammates needed a publicist, even the married ones.

He remembered noting that she was a typical kind of pretty, like he could stroll into the mall or a bar on a Saturday night and find someone just as attractive. It was more in the way that she carried herself that lured everyone in: it was like she could be sandwiched between two Victoria’s Secret models and still feel like she was the most beautiful woman in the room. That’s when he knew he was up shit’s creek without a paddle. No woman had ever gone up against him, never challenged him and stuck around long enough to win, but that’s exactly what Loren did. And so he resented her for it.

“I didn’t hate you,” he said. “I just hated how you didn’t care who I was.”

“Oh.” Loren started picking at her nails—a deep shade of purple—until she finally leveled their eyes. “I hated you when I first met you.”

Sidney couldn’t help but smile. “Why?”

“Because you were a dick. You tried to intimidate me, and I don’t like when people do that.”

“What did you expect?”

Loren seemed to be in a trance as she thought up an answer. Her eyes glazed over as she looked around her bedroom and out the window that put South Philadelphia on full display. She took in the expensive clothes that lined her closet and sat on her dresser, waiting to be put away. She probably thought about the money in her bank account and her friendship with Sarah and the hockey players whose team she worked for—Kris and Jordan, too. Finally she looked at Sidney and took him in—properly, for the first time since they’d met—and thought about everything they’d gone through.

“I didn’t expect any of this.”



Mondays never bothered Loren, but going into work the day after Philadelphia eliminated her boyfriend’s team from the playoffs felt like torture. Her feet dragged, she hadn’t bothered to stop for coffee, and she wasn’t her usual cheerful self when Arthur stopped her to say good morning. It had been hard enough to drop Sidney off at the airport and even harder to say goodbye, knowing all he wanted was for her to tell him she loved him back, but she couldn’t bring herself to say those three words until she was completely sure.

As she collapsed behind her desk, all eyes were instantly on her. No one said a word, so she ignored them and went about doing her normal routine. As she booted up her computer, everyone began whispering. Again she looked around at them and no one spoke.

“What?” she asked irritably. Her coworkers seemed to snap out of their daze and sat down at their own desks, abandoning whatever hushed conversations they’d been having.

It wasn’t until Brian, her supervisor, walked in that she had any indication of what was going on. He’d called her into his office and shut the door behind her.

“Good morning, Loren,” he said. She returned the greeting, instantly feeling two feet tall. The last time she’d been in this position she got fired. “You look a little worried.”

“I’m not,” she lied, “I just didn’t have my coffee this morning.”

Brian nodded. “There’s just one thing I wanted to speak with you about and then you can get back to work.” In just a few seconds he’d pulled up a website and Loren’s stomach dropped to the floor. She was going to get fired for the same thing twice, only this time the rumors were true. “Have you seen this?”

Loren shook her head. “No. I don’t really frequent the internet much.”

“Look, Loren, I really like you. You do great work around here and you’ve been an invaluable addition to our team—”

“But you’re firing me,” Loren finished.

“What? No, no, it’s nothing like that.”

“Then why—”

Brian held up a hand to silence her. “Relax. It’s not my place to tell you who you can and can’t date. As long as it isn’t a player on our team I couldn’t give two shits. I just want you to know that it’s out there. As your supervisor and your friend it’s my place. You know how the media is around here and I just want to make sure you’re ready for that.”

Subconsciously Loren gulped. She’d heard stories about how ruthless the Philly media could be and saw first-hand how badly it affected Ilya Bryzgalov. She’d been naive enough to think they’d leave her alone, that since she wasn’t one of the city’s prized athletes they’d sweep her under the rug. Now she knew better. If it wasn’t one of the major newspapers calling her for an interview it’d be one of the blogs.

“It’s not going to affect my job performance,” she promised.

“That’s all I needed to hear.”

With a tight-lipped smile Loren excused herself from the office and made her way back to her desk on unsteady legs. She scolded herself all the way there for being so reckless the day before. She should’ve known better than to be so affectionate with Sidney in public. Anyone could’ve seen her, and someone had. Now she was going to reap the consequences.

She decided against texting Sidney and asking what to do. This was something she had to go up against on her own. Just because they were a couple didn’t mean he had to fight her battles for her when he’d have his own to fight soon. If the media in Pittsburgh was any more welcoming than in Philadelphia it hadn’t been obvious to her. She only hoped they’d give him enough time to heal before hounding him about his love life.

“So you’re dating the poster boy, huh?” Loren rolled her eyes as her coworker, Michaela, approached her desk. “Personally I don’t lurk the gossip blogs but a friend told me about it.”

“Ah, I see,” Loren replied, keeping her eyes glued to her computer screen. She dreaded opening her email inbox so she did whatever she could to avoid doing so.

“Is it true?”

“Do you think it is?”

Michaela shrugged. “Beats me. If it is you don’t seem too torn up about it.”

“There’s more important things to worry about than what people on the internet think about me.”

“That’s a good outlook to have. It’s just awful how they treat the athletes here and I can’t imagine they’ll be any nicer to you.” Loren couldn’t help but cringe. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just know how they are. That’s kind of why a lot of players don’t want to play here.”

“I’m not an athlete.”

“I know, but you’re going to be a household name pretty soon if you’re really dating Sidney Crosby.”

Loren finally looked up at Michaela, unable to tell if she was only being nice because she wanted an in or if she really meant it. She’d never spoken much to Michaela before but the coworkers she had talked to had never spoken badly about her. The two women had never had much of a reason to interact before (Michaela was Event Coordinator and worked at the opposite end of the floor) but if her sentiments were honest, Loren had a lot of people in her corner.

“What’s everyone saying?”

“Around here?” Loren nodded. “They’re suspicious. A few of them think you’re here as some sort of spy,” they shared a laugh at that, “but I wouldn’t worry about them too much. Girl, you’re dating Sidney fucking Crosby.”

Loren finally let herself smile. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

Wasn’t that the truth.