Retrouvailles

The family was quiet as they sat at the dinner table. It’d been three days since Loren arrived in Cole Harbour and it seemed as if no one was entirely sure how they felt about her. Sure, she minded her manners and did everything asked of her, but in the grand scheme of things she was still mostly a stranger. Taylor had scolded her parents immediately, angry that they were judging and making up their minds about her after only knowing her a few days, but it wasn’t like she knew much more than they did.

She knew about Loren’s mother. She knew she teased Sidney about his new-found rivalry with Claude Giroux. She knew her favorite movie and which Canadian actors she thought were attractive. She knew her brother seemed to really be in love with her and, more importantly, that she seemed to return those feelings.

The Crosbys were high-profile, and high-profile always seemed to attract the wrong crowd. They had no choice but to become professionals in judging character — which girls only hung around in hopes of landing a spot on Sidney’s arm, earning them a life free of nine-to-fives, and which guys hung around Taylor because of her brother and the connections they’d make. No one could fault them for looking out for their children, but Taylor was certainly trying.

“He’s happy, Mom.”

Trina didn’t respond, just continued her work at the stove as if Taylor hadn’t said a word. Her son and his girlfriend had plans of their own, whatever that entailed, and wouldn’t be joining them. Truth be told, Trina hadn’t been looking forward to dinner alone with Taylor.

“Are you giving your mother grief again?” Troy asked, entering the room with a newspaper in hand. Naturally Sidney’s face was plastered across the front of it under a headline about him being back in town and how it was a shame the Stanley Cup hadn’t traveled back with him. Taylor didn’t have to ask to know Loren was mentioned somewhere in the article. “How’d your night go?”

“It was fine,” Taylor replied. “Are you taking her side on this?”

Troy sighed. “It’s not that easy, Taylor.”

“So you don’t care that he’s happy?”

“Of course we care that he’s happy,” Trina snapped, “but that doesn’t mean we have to like it.”

“What reason could you possibly have for not liking her?”

“I’m done talking about this,” Trina resigned. “I don’t have to explain my reasoning to you.”

“No, you’ll have to explain it to Sid, and how do you think he’s gonna react when you tell him you hate his girlfriend for no reason?”

Taylor stormed out then, leaving her parents to stare at one another with wide eyes. Sure, they had their disagreements, but they never would’ve expected something like this to be the cause of one.

Troy didn’t say a word, just collected the plate and utensils at Taylor’s seat and put them away, knowing she wouldn’t be joining them for dinner. Everything had spiraled out of control so quickly. One second everyone was having a great time; now it was World War III with no ending in sight. Although he didn’t want to admit it to his wife, he knew Taylor made a solid point: How were they going to explain this to Sidney? One child was already at arms with them over this — they couldn’t push them both away.

“Do you want to tell him or should I?” Trina asked, plating the chicken and vegetables as if nothing had happened.

“How about no one tells him?” he offered, not brave enough to move his eyes from the newspaper to see his wife’s expression. “She makes a good point, Trina. He won’t take our side on this.”

“So what do you suggest we do then?”

He sighed. “What’s wrong with her?” Trina didn’t answer, so he continued. “We can’t control him forever. He’s 24; don’t you think it’s time he tried to find someone?”

“I don’t care if he’s 94, it doesn’t change how I feel.”

“Then what’s the problem? What makes her so unworthy of being with our son?”

“It’s not her, it’s—”

“Trina, you can’t expect him—”

“Let me finish.” She ran a hand through her hair, trying to figure out how to word what she was about to say next in a way that wouldn’t sound entirely awful. “She seems like a nice girl, and I appreciate that she came to meet us, but…I don’t know, Troy. I’m having trouble dealing with this.”

Troy moved from his seat at the table to stand in front of his wife. Placing his hands on his shoulders, he forced her to look at him. “Taylor’s right: He’s happy. Right now that’s what he needs, with his concussion and the playoffs and especially if there’s a lockout. It’s more than just a relationship, Trina…she’s keeping him sane.”

Trina scoffed. “Don’t be overdramatic.”

“You think I’m wrong?” She didn’t answer. “If we go against him on this, he’s going to resent us forever. God knows I’ve earned everything he feels toward me, but I don’t want you to have to bear that burden, too.”

“He doesn’t resent you, Troy. Why would you say that?”

“He does, honey. Whether he’s willing to admit it or not, I’ve always pushed him too hard. He never had the chance to live like a normal kid, and that blame’s on me. It worked out, sure, but do you ever wonder if this is never what he wanted?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What if he wanted to be a doctor or a teacher or just coach the peewee team?”

Trina rolled her eyes. “This is what he always wanted and you know that.”

“I ask myself every single day if he only did this to please me. I don’t want to take anything else away from him.” He sighed, taking a moment to keep himself under control. “She makes him happy, Trina. I’m sorry but I’m with Taylor on this one.”

“What if this doesn’t work out? He’s going to be devastated, Troy. He might know how to deal with a playoff elimination or an injury but he doesn’t know how it feels to have his heart broken.”

“He’s 24. How old does he have to be before we finally let go and start letting him make his own mistakes?”

If it were up to Trina, she’d be dead and in the grave and still trying to protect her son. She knew better, however, and also knew her husband was right even if she’d never admit it. Sidney had accomplished so much in such a short amount of time — things others like him had never achieved in their lifetime. He deserved some sort of escape from the frenzy that was his life, and if that escape was in the form of Loren Hamilton, she’d just have to deal with it. She’d never come around to the idea of conceding her baby boy, but she’d try to make it as painless as possible for the couple.


They’d been lost in each other for hours, trying to hold onto the last few moments of normalcy before everything changed. Slowly but surely everything was shifting. They could both feel it, both feeling the line between the desperation of having to be with one another at every waking moment and the what’s next slowly starting to blur. Sidney had gone over it first, and now Loren was starting to catch up.

Once she fell irrevocably in love with him, just like he was with her, nothing would be the same. Everything would be more difficult, more impossible because it’d never been easy but it was slightly easier to manage. They weren’t really sure what to do once there was no coming back.

When Sidney was mature enough to purchase his own home in Cole Harbour, he promised himself he’d buy the first one that felt right. He wound up with one that had a large deck and overlooked the lake, providing a perfect backdrop for countless summer barbecues with his family, friends and teammates. In his more sensitive moments, he always envisioned hanging a hammock between the two large trees in the backyard and wasting an entire afternoon outside. Loren was the missing piece of that daydream, and he made sure to indulge in it as soon as possible.

Neither one had spoken in hours. It wasn’t until Loren was hit with a realization that she couldn’t keep quiet did she even think of interrupting the peace and quiet.

“Sidney?” she spoke, nudging her boyfriend in case he’d fallen asleep. “Are you awake?”

“Hmm?” he grumbled.

“I have to tell you something.” He seemed to spring to life at her words, automatically assuming the worst. “Relax, it’s nothing bad.”

“You wake me up out of nowhere and say you have to tell me something. Of course I’m going to think something’s wrong.”

She laughed through her nose. “You worry more than anyone I know.”

Sidney waited for her to speak but she felt frozen to the spot. All she could think of was the phone call with her father before she moved to Philadelphia. Even if I did have those kinds of feelings for him, it’d never work. Wasn’t that what she’d said? Now look at them.

“What is it, Lo?”

She took a deep breath and let it go, breathing the words as effortlessly as she could: “I love you.”

Sidney almost flipped the hammock upside down and rolled down the yard and into the lake. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. Did Loren honestly tell him she loved him? Did he mishear her say she loathed him? He knew he didn’t and allowed himself a moment to bask in his girlfriend’s words. It was the moment he’d been waiting for since that day in February, the day he showed up at her apartment and made her his, even if she put up a fight. He was ready to fight for her until his lungs gave out, and he was finally reaping his reward.

“Did you just tell me you love me?” he asked, a goofy smile putting his lips to good use. Loren squealed as he dug his fingers into her sides. “You love me? You really, really love me?”

“Stop!” she shrieked, unable to breathe from how hard she was laughing. “Sidney!”

He couldn’t remember a time he’d ever been happier. Lifting the Stanley Cup for the first time was close, as was the feeling of an Olympic gold medal being slipped around his neck, but nothing compared to this. This was real. This was another person loving him for everything he tried to hide from the public. This was Loren being in love with his flaws and shortcomings. She loved him despite his jealousy and that the team he captained got eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. She loved him for reasons other than the size of his bank account and the number of times he showed up on her television in the span of thirty minutes. She was in love with him, and nothing would ever compare to hearing her admit it for the first time.

His hands left her sides, tangling in her hair and cupping her face and touching her neck as he tried to still himself. “You love me?” he asked quietly, almost as if he couldn’t believe why anyone would ever feel that way about him.

Loren nodded. “I love you.”

“Say it again.”

“I love you, Sidney.”

He grinned before dipping his head to kiss her. This wasn’t like any kiss they’d shared before. This was pure love; slow and purposeful like they had all the time in the world. Sidney was seeing stars, struggling to remember the words to “O Canada” and who his linemates had been during the playoffs. He could barely remember his own name as he kissed her, wishing he could swallow every ounce of love she had for him and keep it inside of him forever.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”

But she did. He’d been waiting since the day they met, whether he knew it then or not. Maybe she hadn’t set out to be his heroine, but she’d unknowingly been nominated for the role and played it as best she could. There were only two possible outcomes of that happening: they went their separate ways for good once she left for Philadelphia, or this, and this was much better.

Loren pressed a kiss to his collarbone. “Was it worth the wait?”

“Beyond worth it.”

If she could’ve frozen time, Loren would’ve chosen that moment to do it. The sun had just started to set on the lake and fireflies were lighting up Sidney’s backyard like the Fourth of July. Chirping crickets and the sound of children launching themselves off the dock and into the water provided background noise, and the only running thought in her mind was that she’d never had a better summer than this. And then she remembered why, and her stomach turned.

“Oh my god,” she croaked. Sidney noticed the way she struggled to breathe and sat up, alarmed. “Oh my god.”

“Loren? Loren, what’s wrong?” She managed to get out of the hammock and walk a few steps before collapsing onto her knees. Sidney was right behind her. “Baby, talk to me. What’s going on?”

Loren pulled at the grass as she choked out a sob. “How could I?”

“How could you what? C’mon, Lo, you’re scaring me.”

“How could I forget?”

He had no idea what was going on, but he knelt in front of his girlfriend and pulled her against his chest. His chin rested on the top of her head as he spoke. “What’d you forget, baby?”

“It’s tomorrow and I forgot. How could I forget, Sidney?”

“Talk to me, Loren,” he urged, rocking her back and forth. He felt like all the life had been sucked from him, leaving him to remember how on top of the world he’d felt only a few minutes ago.

“Tomorrow will be fourteen years.”

Sidney went completely still. Like Taylor, he’d never dealt with that kind of tragedy. He’d lived as privileged a life as he could’ve without having been born with a silver spoon stuck in his mouth. He wouldn’t know what Loren was going through if those emotions came up and slit his throat, and now he was at a loss of how to help her.

“Oh god, Loren.” He pulled her against him tighter, letting her sob into his T-shirt. “Shh, baby, it’s okay.”

All Loren could think about was her father back home in Erie, having to face the anniversary alone. She’d never felt more selfish. Her father had always been there for her, always made sure she was taken care of, and she forgot all about him now that she had a superstar boyfriend. She wanted to throw up. She nearly did but forced it back down.

“What am I going to do?” she asked, panicked. “I can’t leave him there—”

“Who, Loren?”

“My dad. I can’t leave him there.”

“Just calm down, okay? I’ll take care of it.”

Out of other options, Loren simply nodded. Sidney made sure she was stable before lessening his grip on her. He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before getting up from the grass and disappearing into the house. Loren didn’t bother following him, already knowing her legs didn’t have the strength, and just stared at the calmness of the lake.

“Here,” Sidney said, handing her a glass of water. She took it graciously, letting the cool liquid soothe her raw throat. “Sit up a minute,” he instructed. Loren did as she was told and Sidney wrapped a blanket around her. “Are you okay?”

Loren nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, baby. I booked you a flight to Erie for tomorrow. I’ll take you to the airport in the morning.”

“What?” Loren asked. “Sidney, no—”

“Loren, stop. You have to go and that’s okay.”

“But what about Jordan’s wedding?”

“He’ll survive,” Sidney answered. “It’s only a wedding.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you coming with me?”

Sidney hadn’t thought it was an option. Dealing with the anniversary of Loren’s mother’s death was something that left no room for him, he figured, and decided he’d only book Loren a one-way flight to Erie and she could fly into Toronto when she was ready. Or, if she wasn’t, he’d meet her back in Philadelphia.

“I was going to stay here.”

Loren fit herself against his side, leaning her head against his shoulder. “You could come with me.”

“Loren, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“If you don’t want to it’s okay, but I don’t want you to feel like you’re not welcome.”

He looked down at her. “Of course I want to, baby. I want to be there for you when you need me, but are you sure?”

Loren nodded. “You wanted me to see what it’s like to be Sidney Crosby. I want you to see what it’s like to be me.”

Sidney agreed and told her he’d have Martin rework the flight information. Now he knew how Loren had felt before coming to Cole Harbour: scared to death and two feet tall. But she needed him more than he needed to feel insecure, and that’s what he forced himself to remember.