Retrouvailles

“Why are we doing this again?” Sarah asked as she maneuvered the cart through the aisles.

“Because I’m having company.”

If Loren had been paying attention to her friend, she would’ve seen the way Sarah’s eyebrows disappeared under her fringe at the mention of company. Loren had been in Philadelphia two months and Sarah hadn’t seen one person (other than her) enter her apartment. Now she’d been suckered into helping her buy out the closest Target in preparation for whoever was coming to visit.

“Oh? And who might this company be?”

Loren turned to her neighbor with a dangerous glare before returning her attention to the bed-in-a-bags in front of her. “Which one would look best in the guest room?”

Sarah snorted. “Something tells me this guest of yours won’t be seeing much of the guest room.”

An older woman shot the pair a dirty look before moving down the aisle. Loren hadn’t noticed but Sarah did; she gave the woman the finger to her back and told Loren the dark blue bedding would look better than the olive green.

After the bedding was picked out, Loren had to buy groceries. Sidney would only be there one night but she knew what little food she had in her refrigerator wasn’t going to cut it. She’d put a lot of thought into their upcoming reunion and decided it’d be best if they did more talking and less avoiding, which meant eating in rather than going out and Loren having everything taken care of by the time he arrived.

Truth be told, she was nervous. Shopping was merely a way to get her mind off things and she’d only dragged Sarah along because it would’ve looked a lot worse if she was alone while holding conversations with invisible partners. Things like sheets and groceries and extra toilet paper didn’t matter much to her. If this reunion ended on a bad note, Loren could throw it all away and never have to think about it again.

She hoped that wouldn’t be the case.

“So, tell me something,” Sarah started, only pausing to examine the nutritional information on a pack of chocolate pudding. She pulled a face before putting it back. “What happened in Ottawa?”

“I told you everything.”

“Not everything.” Loren sent her a questioning look. “You weren’t this motivated to do anything before you left. Now it’s the end of the world if you don’t get everything just right.”

“That’s not true,” Loren protested.

Sarah dug a large scented candle from the bottom of the cart and hid it behind a package of paper towels. “I don’t think your guest is going to care that their room smells like fresh baked cookies. Face it, Lo: you’re trying way too hard.”

Loren clearly deflated, her once-ambitious nature disappearing in seconds. She didn’t want to admit it but Sarah was right. This wasn’t going to be her first meeting with Sidney. This wouldn’t be his first time coming to her place and it wouldn’t be their first serious conversation. But the consequences were different this time. There was actually something to lose. If things didn’t go right, it was all over.

Still, trying too hard wasn’t going to do her any favors. She didn’t want to seem desperate because she wasn’t. Sidney walking out of her life for good would be hard, she wasn’t going to bother denying that, but she’d done all right on her own so far. She’d be able to live without him. But that was love, wasn’t it? Being able to live without someone but not wanting to? If it was, her father was proof. He’d lived without her mother for 13 years but still loved her like she wasn’t gone for good, just on a really long vacation.

Loren sighed.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Sarah.”

Her friend’s expression instantly softened. “Don’t make me feel all sappy inside. I mean, it’s not like it’s a blind date or anything, right? You know him, he knows you. Just…be yourself.”

“We didn’t get along when we were being ourselves.”

Sarah chuckled. “What couple does?”

We’re not a couple, Loren wanted to say but she stopped herself. They weren’t a couple. Were they even trying to be? Was that why Sidney was coming, to make her his girlfriend? Loren didn’t know. It didn’t really matter. They had to talk, regardless of Sidney’s intentions, and for his own safety, it wasn’t like he could escape and go wandering around the city. He’d be on a slab in the coroner’s office in an hour tops. They’d call Loren to identify the body.

The duo made their way around the store, picking up the last of what they needed. Sarah grabbed some art supplies, grumbling about how low-quality they were, and Loren picked out the final accessories for the guest room. By the time they got in line, Loren was shaking from nerves. Sidney was due to arrive in only two days—not nearly enough time for her to collect herself, even if she did have three weeks to prepare.

“Why are you so nervous?”

“Because,” Loren retorted, not knowing what else to say. There was no elaboration, no intent to expand, just finality in her one-word answer.

Sarah sighed as she began placing her items on the belt. “Very informative. I have a friend—” She stopped once Loren shot her a look. “I’m not trying to set you up. She’s a matchmaker, like those ones on Bravo. Maybe you can talk to her.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Who else do you have to talk to about these things? You need some perspective. Everyone’s pushing you in the same direction. Just do it, Loren! You’ll regret it if you don’t, Loren!” Sarah paused to dig her credit card out of her wallet. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe you’re so nervous because you don’t even know if this is what you want?”

Loren’s immediate response was no, but she didn’t say that.

What was there to talk about? She’d already voiced her concerns to Max, but Sarah was right: everyone was pushing her in the same direction, to Sidney. She couldn’t back down now, the stakes were too high. So what was left besides sucking it up and dealing with it on her own?


In Loren’s opinion, Friday came and went far too quickly. It was a typical day for her, most of it spent in her cubicle save for her lunch break, which she spent with Max. She’d really taken a liking to him. He was kind and patient, always asking how she was and offering advice because he wanted to, not because he could. Loren had told him the entirety of what’d happened with Sidney and he listened. He didn’t judge or scold her for risking her career.

Attending games wasn’t in her job description. She was allowed to, as every employee was, but it wasn’t mandatory. Saturday’s game was tempting. The rivalry between the clubs was contagious, almost her entire reason to get out of bed Saturday morning, but she ultimately decided against it. Sidney had told her he’d be there, that he’d be by her place after the game, and she didn’t want to kick-start the confrontation before she was ready to have it. As of ten-o’clock that morning, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready.

She’d always been so good about keeping her nerves in check. Now she couldn’t even put her finger on why she was nervous at all.

The phone rang twice before he picked up.

“Don’t you have a hockey game to be at?”

She smiled. “No, Dad. You know I never go.”

“How are you, sweetheart?”

“I’m…okay. Nervous.”

“Nervous?”

Without thinking, she began pacing around her bedroom. “Sidney’s in town today.”

“Oh yeah? And that’s cause for nerves?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “We’re having a talk.”

Her father laughed quietly. “You’re not tellin’ him you’re pregnant, are you?”

“No! God, no.” She moved into the guest room. “But this is kind of it, you know? No more trying after this.”

“I doubt that, kiddo. I don’t know this Sidney fellow personally but from what I’ve gathered he doesn’t seem like much of a quitter.”

“This is different, Dad. I’m not the Stanley Cup or an Olympic gold medal.”

“No, maybe not,” her father agreed, “but if he wants you bad enough, he’s not going to give up until he has you.”

Loren snorted. “That sounded really creepy.”

“You get what I’m trying to say, though?”

“Yeah, Dad, I get it.” They were quiet for a few moments. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Lo.”

She took a deep, shaky breath. “When did you know? With Mom—when did you know you were in love with her?”

“She wanted nothing to do with me, bless her soul,” he laughed. “I finally persuaded her to let me take her to dinner and she ordered the most expensive item on the menu just to spite me. That’s when I knew.” He was quiet then, like he was trying to swallow his sadness. “Do you love him, kiddo?”

Was it supposed to be a question? Weren’t you supposed to know when you love someone? Loren’s head spun as she thought of her answer. She and Sidney had chemistry, but Loren had had chemistry with countless people throughout her twenty-four years. Just because you’re compatible with someone doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together.

“I don’t know, Dad. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.”


The Flyers lost the game but Loren barely noticed. The end of the game meant one step closer to her reunion with Sidney. He hadn’t given her an ETA, didn’t bother to text her to let her know he was on his way. It usually took him hours to get out of the locker room, but she didn’t know how different it’d be since he wasn’t playing.

Taking a long look around her apartment, she knew there was nothing left to do but wait. She didn’t bother to fix lunch, knowing he’d eat at the game if he was hungry, and she’d cleaned every inch of the place so thoroughly it squeaked when she walked. During the first period she lit candles, made sure the curtains opened to an ideal view of her new city, and fluffed the pillows to perfection. During the second period she lint-rolled the couch (even though she didn’t have any pets), rearranged the magnets on the refrigerator, and Windexed every glass surface in the place. She couldn’t stomach watching the third.

Someone knocked on her door at exactly four-thirty. At exactly four-thirty, Loren felt her heart drop to the floor.

“C-Coming!”

She slipped her feet into a pair of heels and shuffled to the door. With one last deep breath, she opened the door and came face-to-face with the man responsible for turning her world upside-down for the last thirteen months.

And he was beautiful. Loren couldn’t remember a time he looked so…perfect. It wasn’t perfect in the sense that he was attractive. He was, but this was different. This was beautiful and perfect in the sense that he looked himself. He looked healthy and happy and that smile could bring her to her knees in seconds. He looked like the Sidney she’d never gotten the opportunity to know. Standing in front of her was the Sidney that’d won over Pittsburgh.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi yourself.”

“Can I come in?” he asked, flashing a slight smirk. Loren nodded and moved out of the doorframe. “Nice place.”

“Thanks.”

He dropped his bag at his side and approached her, careful not to rush. They had all night. One hand met her waist, the other moved to tuck a stray curl behind her ear. He almost smiled at how jagged her breathing was, how much power he still held over her after all this time, but he didn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to, not when she had just as much control over him.

He wanted to tell her he’d missed her, that he spent the last three weeks trying to think of ways to win her over only to scrap everything he came up with. Everyone told him something different—flowers or jewelry or something grandeur that’d empty his bank account—but Vero had been right all along. She just wants to know she can count on you. Those words became scripture. They told him everything he needed to know.

Loren had spent 21 days waiting for this moment, waiting for the second she saw him again so she could finally have some clarity. She’d experienced enough in her life to know that some moments were just indescribable and this was one of them. The second Sidney’s hazel eyes locked on hers, she knew. She knew. Just like her father had known, Loren knew, too.

It was her who made the first move. Her hands had been glued to her sides but they moved easily now, and they went everywhere: his arms, his chest, his hair. Sidney could sense her urgency and wasted no time in reciprocating it. His lips smashed against hers, sending a shiver up Loren’s spine that materialized in the form of goosebumps. They covered every inch of skin Sidney could see…before he decided he needed to see more.

Neither party was thinking rationally as they tripped down the hallway in their attempt to reach Loren’s bedroom. They were still fully clothed but drunk with lust, kissing and touching and groaning while still trying to keep their composure. Somewhere beneath the anticipation and desperation there was a sense of knowing they couldn’t make disappear. Having sex wasn’t going to finalize their story. It wasn’t going to push Loren into Sidney’s arms. It was just going to be sex, and if they didn’t get it right, if they rushed it, it could ruin everything.

Still, they didn’t care. They’d sort that out later. Right now, all that mattered was the way Sidney’s body fit over Loren’s like a glove, the way she gasped when he started littering kisses all over her body.

“Jesus Christ,” she whimpered when his fingers found the button of her jeans. He’d made a mental note that she’d dressed up for him. She looked gorgeous but she’d look better with a little less on.

Loren had just made quick work of his dress shirt when he stopped her. “I don’t think I can stop myself this time.”

A smirk broke out on her face and Sidney couldn’t see straight. “Good thing you won’t have to.”

That was all the invitation he needed. At that point there was no need to mess around; if he played his cards right, the first time wasn’t going to be the last. Thoughts of foreplay went straight out the window as soon as Loren’s top was thrown onto the floor. Sidney was no virgin—he’d been with his fair share of women—but seeing Loren surrender herself to him surely made him feel like one. Everything he thought he knew about pleasing a woman was suddenly gone from his memory.

Loren, the more aware of the two, had been a quiet participant for too long. As she took matters into her own hands she felt a confidence she’d never felt before. There was no second-guessing herself, no hoping Sidney didn’t find her repulsive or that she wasn’t going to be good enough for the NHL’s most prized possession. There was only them. There was only Sidney.

“Would you hurry up?” she growled, pushing him off of her so she could discard the rest of her clothes.

Sidney didn’t have to be told twice as he mimicked her. Loren couldn’t help herself as she took in every breathtaking inch of his perfectly sculpted body. She could only hope he worked that hard on her.

She blushed at the thought.

Sidney chuckled as he noticed. “Not going soft on me are you?”

“Just shut up and fuck me.”

He wanted to take it slow and savor their first time together, memorize the way it felt to be inside of her in case it never happened again. Clearly she wasn’t going to let him.

He moved back on top of her and readied himself. After this there was no going back. He solidified the deal with a quick thrust of his hips and was met with such pleasure he felt like he could black out at any moment. Forget winning the Cup, forget the gold medal in Vancouver—Loren was undoubtedly the greatest prize he’d ever won.

And when you win something of Loren’s caliber, you don’t take it for granted.