I'm Falling Down, Fall With Me?

Mia’s P.O.V

“Nothing’s wrong with you”, he whispered sadly.
I almost relaxed in his arms, he was the first person to ever tell me that, but he didn’t even know me, he didn’t know half of it. Like I said, almost.
I could feel his eyes on me and I could tell he thought I was crazy- which I guess I was, but I didn’t need people to tell me that, I already hated myself enough.

“Let go”, I said quietly, I was angry now, I didn’t want him to save me, suicide was my way out, to me it wasn’t dying. This world just isn’t for me; I know it, so why do people have to make such a big deal of dying?
It’s just a permanent sleep, without the nightmares. And I can’t remember the last time I slept without nightmares.
I looked up to face him, my eyebrows furrowed; he looked down at me sympathetically. That pissed me off; I don’t want people’s sympathy.
The way he stared at me, made me feel slightly self conscious too, what did he see when he looked at me? A suicidal ugly bitch? Because that’s all I saw.

“Get the fuck off me” I said angrily glaring at him, I could feel my eyes darkening and I knew I was scary when that happened. He hesitantly let go off me. I pushed past him, and started walking down the bridge.

“Wait- where are you going?” he asked jogging to catch up with me.

“Go away”, I said, fighting to keep back the tears. This was how I worked, I got really sad, then I got angry, then I got sad again. I hated feeling like this, I hated feeling weak.

“Look you can’t walk this late at night, you’ll get raped or something, please just let me give you a ride home”, he said keeping up with me, his voice sounded pleading.
I started running now; running so he wouldn’t see the tears that were pouring down my face.

“Wait- stop please. I’m really fit by the way so I can chase you for miles”, he was running after me. Fuck, what was wrong with this guy? I was incredibly unfit, I was incredibly unfit, I was hoping he’d just be like ‘fuck off I’m not running’ like most people in Jersey, then just get in his car and drive off to wherever the fuck he came from. But no, he had to go all Forrest Gump on me.

I stopped running after I reached his car, my breathing heavy and my chest about to explode. Fuck me; I blame my fitness level on the smokes and alcohol.
Wow- so he was a rich cunt then. I wasn’t good with cars but it was one of those real flash expensive looking cars, he stopped to stand beside me and I could feel his eyes on me again. I felt nervous now, I was a shy person, and he made me feel uncomfortable.

“What the fuck do you want?” I asked without looking at him.

“I want to help you”, he said quietly. Fuck off that’s what they all say, I was sick of it. I can’t be helped, I’m broken beyond repair. They all just give up on me in the end.

“You can’t,” was all I replied. He stood in front of me so I was facing him now.

“Please, let me”, he said his eyes pleading. I couldn’t take any of this, I didn’t want his help, I didn’t want his sympathy, I didn’t want anything to do with this guy. All I fucking wanted was to die!
I turned away from him and sprinted toward the railing of the bridge, if I was fast enough I could jump before he got to me.
I smiled slightly, I could hear him behind me, but he was too late, I would get here before he did.
I clambered up the railing, tears pouring down my face- he grabbed me from behind and pulled me to the ground. I screamed and started hitting him with all the strength I could muster. But I was physically and mentally drained now, my vision went blurry and the world shifted around me. The last thing I saw before everything went black was his pleading face, and I swore he wore a halo.

“Mia you’re pathetic!”She glared down at my bleeding wrist, and thrust my arm away as if it would contaminate her.

“No please mum... I’m sorry- please, I didn’t mean to”, I pleaded as warm tears pouring down my face.

“Stop crying Mia. It’s your fault your father is dead, and I hope you go the same way, I can’t even look at you”, she gave me a look of disgust before slapping her hand across my cheek with a force that would have killed a baby. I stared down at the ground, ignoring the pain in my cheek

“Mother please, stop it!” screamed Brendon from the doorway.

“Leave the house immediately; I never want to see your face again. And Brendon, go to your room! This has absolutely nothing to do with you!” She turned to glare at Brendon and pointed upward to the stairs, he looked at me with guilty eyes before turning and leaving the room.
“I’ll give you an hour to grab your things then when I come back I want you gone, you hear me?!” She shot me a look filled with pity, not a single ounce of remorse. I nodded slowly as she walked out the door leaving me alone.
I sat down and tried to catch my breath, my asthma was getting the best of me. I turned my attention to my wrist; the blood pouring down my arm was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

“Mia”, said a voice I knew only too well.

“Daddy”, my heart leapt in my chest as I stared at my dad in the mirror. “Daddy you’ve come to save me! I knew you weren’t dead!” His reflection in the mirror looked so real I nearly reached forward to touch it, but something held me back. He looked the same as he had the last time I seen him when he had died in the car crash, blood covered his chest and his eyes were dark and tired.

“I haven’t come to save you Mia, I’ve some to take you with me”, he replied darkly, that’s when I noticed the dagger in his hand and the mischievous smirk on his face.

“Daddy, what are you doing?’ I cried as he jumped out of the mirror and slashed at me with the dagger...

I gasped suddenly as I burst out of my nightmare and back into consciousness. My heart thumped rapidly in my chest as I remembered my dad’s face... My mum’s disappointed glare... Brendon scared expression as he looked at me with guilty eyes... I felt the hot salty tears down my face and a wave of self-hatred washed over me, why was I so pathetic?
I cried every time I dreamt about this, which was pretty much every night, you’d think I’d be used to it by now. But every time it happened, it hurt just as much as the night before.

“Holy shit, are you okay?” I turned to see where the voice came from.
My face heated up with embarrassment as his eyes bore into me, he looked worried and scared. I nodded in reply and looked around, I was sitting in the passenger seat of his car. He pulled over to the side of the road and turned to face me.
I didn’t really notice how cute he was till now, he had black hair with a fringe that framed his nice face; his lips were pink and thin with a lip piercing, and his skin was slightly tanned and smooth. But what really got me were his eyes, they were hazel and framed with a bit of eyeliner; they were stunning- but I swore I recognised him from somewhere. Wierd.

“In case you’re wondering you like blacked out and so I put you in the car and was driving you to the hospital, because my phone was dead and I couldn’t call 911-” I cut him off

“You were going to call 911?”

“Well yeah, I thought you were in coma or something”. I laughed slightly

“I faint all the time, it’s not a big deal” I sighed. His face showed surprise and he stifled a laugh.

“Well okay I’m sorry then. Next time you drop to the floor on me I’ll just leave you there and go make myself a coffee. Anyway, I’m Frank” He held out his hand and I shook it softly.

“I’m Mia”. He smiled at me in response

“Nice to meet you Mia”.

It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
Angels to fly
An angel will die
Covered in white
Closed eye
And hoping for a better life
This time, we'll fade out tonight
Straight down the line