Never Too Soon

"So how was last night?" Rachel asks from the couch, wiggling her eyebrows. She's on her laptop blasting some Modest Mouse song, and basically bothering the hell out of Jack who is sitting in the armchair next to her. He is seriously trying to take some initiative and study, though he may or may not be doing it because his mom found out he was failing his Comp Gov class, but, what the fuck ever, the reason why doesn't matter.

Jack scoffs. "Like you deserve any details of my sexcapades," He says.

Rachel rolls her eyes. "You had no sexcapades. I was just wondering if you grew enough balls to, I don't know,talk to the kid."

"Once again, you are hilarious." He says, frowning.

"Once again, thank you. It's funny, because we're related, but you're stupid." She says, flashing him a falsely innocent smile of white teeth. She has really sharp canines. Jack is scared of her, but only a little bit.

He throws a pillow at her. "Hurt am I," He mocks.

"Face, shut your." Rachel retorts.

---

Jack isn't very good at this kind of thing, but he decides that he'll ask Alex out on a date. I mean, he said he was okay with him flirting with him, so he's got to be sort of interested, right?

So that's how he ends up outside of Alex's house at 9:00 at night on a Monday. He really isn't very good at planning.

Alex answers the door in a white t-shirt and sweatpants. His hair is a little crazy, and he looks tired. He's clutching a College Algebra textbook to his chest and Jack thinks maybe now is a bad time.

"Would you maybe want to get coffee sometime?" Jack asks, managing to both smile and bite his lip at the same time.

Alex's eyes widen. "I don't drink coffee," He says.

Jack frowns. "You wouldn't have to drink coffee," He reminds him.

"No, I know," Alex says, shaking his head, "It's just. I'm really busy."

"You wouldn't have a spare hour for a coffee-date with a very non-threatening person?" He says, putting out his bottom lip. He gestures to himself in proving that he is non-threatening- His lack of arm strength is ridiculous. He still has to ask his dad to open jars of pickles sometimes, for fuck's sake.

"I.. Um. I'll talk to you later," Alex says. He closes the door on Jack.

---

"Do I make you nervous?"

Zack just looks really confused.

"Never mind," Jack says.

---

"My life is like a poorly directed romantic comedy," Jack moans, burying his face in his calculus textbook.

"Aw dude, I'm here for you. Permission to bitch- granted. You have my full, undivided attention. Well, actually some of it's going to studying for the Chapter 7 test in Calc, but you have... at least twenty-five percent, we'll say." Rian decides, nodding in approval of his own statement as he flips the page in his own textbook.

"You are my least favorite friend," Jack tells him honestly.

"I think you can imagine my devastation." Rian doesn't even look up from his calc textbook.

"You have been spending too much time with Rachel," Jack says, "because you were never this mean until she corrupted you."

Rian shrugs. "I think your life actually is a romantic comedy, and you're that one whiney chick that can't get laid."

Jack has to agree, the parallels are astounding, but he doesn't think he should voice that opinion, just for the sake of his dignity (not that it hadn't left a long time ago- probably when he discovered what Alex's hair smells like, or when he started listening to Wham.)

"You need to help me," Jack pleads, "I am but a mere mortal and you are a god, please tell me what Alex likes." He says, pouting. He is trying to reach levels of cute that makes puppies and teddy bears like, stop trying, but by the way Rian just looks a little scared, he thinks he must be immune to his charms.

"Well, for one thing, he doesn't like it when you show up to his house when he slept three hours the night before, being all Jack-like and asking him out on a date," Rian says. Apparently, he likes to start with the 'what not to do's'.

Jack sighs. "Okay, fair enough."

Rian flips the page in his textbook, whistling the tune to some Blink song underneath his breath, off-key and careless.

"Wait." Jack says, eyes widening. "That's not all you're going to tell me."

Rian shrugs. He is just as fake-innocent as Rachel. Everyone else: All of the points; Jack: Zero.

---

Jack decides his best bet is apologizing to Alex, so he waits for him outside of his gym class, which is probably a bad idea, because Alex is a little sweaty and Jack thinks less of apologizing and more of jumping his bones, which. Is not the romantic message he wants to convey.

"I'm sorry," He blurts, scratching the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot or anything, I just really like you and-"

"Are you ever quiet?" Alex asks, and it's not angry, just sort of deadpan.

Jack shrugs. "Well, no, not really. It's never been one of my traits."

Alex smiles, looking down. "I'd like to."

"Like to what?" Jack asks, furrowing his eyebrows; confused. He thinks he might be missing something, here.

"I'd like to go get coffee with you," He clarifies.

Jack looks at Alex blankly. "I thought you didn't like coffee," He says.

Alex rolls his eyes, but a tiny smile still plays on his lips, so Jack figures he's still in the clear, which, score. "I'd like to order something else while you get coffee," He amends.

"It's a date," Jack says, grinning.