Never Too Soon

So Jack is sort of going on a date with Alex. And that's. That's fine, great, awesome, really, except that Jack has never been good with that kind of thing.

The idea of a first date with Alex is really what Jack is excited for, but he's not sure if the actual 'date' aspect is one he wants to experience, because he's pretty sure the last real date he went on ended with him drunk outside of that one Maggie Moo's adjacent to Thames thinking it'd be a good idea to charge over a hundred dollars worth of ice cream cake to his mother's credit card, and just-

He's not very romantic, alright? That's the issue. It's just, he can feign charm and sappiness and all that jazz, but he'll never be saccharine enough to actually enjoy it. He thinks he might be getting diabetes just thinking about pulling someone's chair out for them, buying them flowers, whispering sweet nothings in their ear, etc etc. He just.. He can't, okay?

But that's not even the root of the problem. The root of the problem is that Alex is that kind of person, he is gentlemanly and polite and diabetes-inducing, he can sit through The Notebook and sigh at all the parts that Rachel and Zack sigh at, he can be charming and sappy and not be faking it in the least. And Alex wants that kind of person, needs that in a potential prospect, and instead he has Jack, who's idea of a perfect date is watching Home Alone with a fuck-ton of ice cream and chasing it down with cheap bottles of beer.

---

"I thought dating was supposed to be easier for guys," Rian slurs, drunk off of a couple Yaegermeister shots and pushier about Jack's lack of getting laid than usual. "Seriously, like all the hormones and shit, but maybe you're just stupid." He says seriously, nodding like this is some grand statement that Jack wasn't already aware of.

Rachel nods, too, because she is totally into anything that has to do with Jack's intelligence being questioned. Jack is annoyed that she's even there when he has his friends over, but Rian apparently thinks she's awesome ("Coolest freshman ever, dude!") and Zack likes to talk to her about The OC (because apparently Zack watches that?), and also if Jack didn't let her stay she'd probably tell his mom they were drinking and then Jack would never be allowed to stay home alone, like, ever, so. He figures it's for the best.

"Thank you, guys, really," Jack moans, burying his face into a pillow and letting the thought cross his mind that asphyxiating himself with it would probably be the easiest way to go, even though that's really pretty dramatic, but what the fuck ever- self-pity is his modus operandi these days, and he's allowed to at least ponder the idea. "So do I buy him flowers or something? Like what do you think's the most believable, coming from me?"

"Probably just having the Earth open up and swallow you whole would be a really good option at this point, you're getting more pathetic than Lindsay Lohan." Rachel says.

"I hate you," Jack tells her.

"Don't make any huge gestures," Zack says, the only helpful one of the group (and probably the only moderately sober one, oh God, Jack can't believe he let his baby sister get drunk with a bunch of senior guys, he is a terrible big brother), "Alex gets embarrassed pretty easily. He'd probably just like it if you paid him a few compliments or something," He says.

"But he has to know," Jack blurts, "I mean obviously I think he's attractive, what, am I just supposed to be like, 'hey, you're hot, also I would not mind having sex with you'? Because I think he already knows that and I don't want to be too forward, it is a first date."

Rian snorts. "Since when have you cared about the correct social etiquette? What happened to the Jack I knew, the one who'd fuck anything with a pulse, way before a first date?"

"Alex happened, I'm not sure if you're aware but he's a professional life-ruiner," Jacks says.

Rachel purses her lips, furrowing her eyebrows. She is a thoughtful, philosophical drunk, and Jack thinks he should probably not know that considering she's fifteen, but, whatever, it's only a little bit his fault that she's been corrupted already. The rest of the blame can be put on public high school. "That's actually kind of sweet," She says.

"I hate you," Jack repeats.

---

Jack has formulated a mental list of what not to-dos on his coffee date with Alex, and he has every intention to use said list very adamantly when he shows up at Alex's house to pick him up, but then he sort of, you know, looks at Alex and then as usual pretty much every useful thought just falls out of his head and he's left with only a loop of 'um, uh' and 'you're really attractive'.

"You're really attractive," Jack voices, because his brain-to-mouth filter has never been very good. The genes that are actually good and convenient all went to Rachel. Alex laughs. "I mean, um. I. Um." He says, and thinks that the only way to redeem himself now would to say something that's, you know, fucking Shakespeare levels of articulate, some Hamlet bullshit, so he steels himself to channel his inner playwright and nibbles at his bottom lip.

"Uh," He says. He thinks he might actually be able to feel how ashamed Shakespeare is across the centuries.

Alex shakes his head, looking down, but Jack can tell that he's smiling, which, good, Jack thinks, if he's going to be an idiot at least Alex thinks he's a funny idiot. "We should probably go," Alex says.

Jack nods, "Yeah, definitely," He agrees, and doesn't say anything stupid like yeah, I've embarrassed myself enough in this spot, maybe a change of setting would save me and he especially doesn't say we don't have to go anywhere, as long as I'm with you.