Guts To Say Anything

My name is Elizabeth Gaskarth and I am the forgotten child. Judging from my surname you can guess that I am indeed related to Alexander Gaskarth. He's my older 'brother'. I'm 17, he's 22. Let me start from the very beginning. On the 1st of December 1992 I joined the family of Gaskarths. Peter and Isobel Gaskarth, the proud parents of Samuel Elijah, Alexander William and Elizabeth Rebecca Gaskarth. Our mother liked extremely English names. Considering we were from Essex it was very strange. Eventually we were all just known as Sam, Alex and Beth. When I was 5, Alex 10 and Sam 15 we moved to Baltimore, Maryland. Cockeysvillie to be exact. I loved it, until I started school. Kids were mean and made fun of my accent. They pulled my hair, stole my crayons you know the same old stuff. But I developed a stutter. The only people I could speak freely to were my parents, Sam and Alex. They were my best friends. Alex played soccer with me and Sam was old enough to bring to the park and when he babysat Alex and I he let us stay up late and drink soda. When Alex was 13 he met Jack Barakat. Jack was a very hyper boy. But he played Barbies with me and I didn't stutter around him. Then tragedy struck our little happy family. When I was 9, Alex was 14 and Sam 19, Sam hung himself. I found him. He was babysitting Alex and I and Alex wouldn't play with me because he was writing music for his band with Jack. So I looked for Sammy. I don't remember but apparently my mum found me in the basement (the furthest place from Sam's room), white as a ghost rocking back and forth sucking my thumb. Something I hadn't done since I was 5. Before while I rarely talked I stopped completely after Sam's death. The only person I talked to was Alex. We became even closer. The bullying at school got worse and most nights I ended up in Alex's room even when he was 16 and I was 11. Then Alex staying out much later. Going out more, having longer band practises, playing more shows. I stopped going into his room and never talked to him anymore. Jack found me giving my all my Barbies the skinhead look. Rian tried to play soccer with me, it wasn't the same. Zack used to tickle me and swing me around to try and get me to talk but nope nada. When I was 13 they got signed on Valentine's Day. Needles to say I barely ever saw Alex. He came in after I had gone to bed. I usually only saw him when he was running out the door late for school. In the space of 4 years my two only friends had disappeared. One suddenly, theother just didn't care anymore. After they graduated I saw Alex maybe once every 3 months and then a couple of times over Christmas. He never sent me a birthday card or even texted me happy birthday like Jack, Rian and Zack did. While he was gone all my mother and father did was praise him "Alex's band is so wonderful, they are doing so well", Alex this and Alex that while I was getting straight A's had no friends and was being bullied without mercy. People forgot Alex and I were related. I was too different to be his sister. Maybe I was his cousin or something. I would always be Buh-Buh-Buh Beth in their eyes.

So now you know my story. Hello I'm Beth Gaskarth. Welcome to my life.