Guts To Say Anything

It started like every other spring break. I came home the friday, Mum asked if school was good, I nodded. We had dinner and I went upstairs to do homework and go on my blog. My blog was the only place I ever expressed myself. No one knew it was me so whether it was talking about Glee or how my life was a living hell, I felt okay. I went to bed and fell asleep. My life was ,yes, very boring. Alas, I enjoyed the monotony. The next morning while eating cereal the doorbell rung. I got up and at the door was none other than my brother Alex. He was grinning. He was his usual self. With a quick hug he ran off to find my parents. I looked through the mail and found my report card. I opened it knowing my parents wouldn't mind. But apparently Alex did.

"What you got there Bethy?" He grinned, jogging over. "Hey did you just open your own report card? Mom and Dad would have killed me if I did that" he laughed.
He glanced down at my results his eyes bulging.
"Straight As Bethy! That's amazing congrats!" he gave me a big hug and ran off to tell Mum and Dad. This was not usual Alex behaviour. Usually it was a hug when he arrived and then he just let me be, barely acknowledging me unless we were exchanging presents at Christmas.
"Mom! Dad! Look what Beth got on her report card! All A's! Isn't that amazing?!?" He sure sounded excited.
"Oh that's not a surprise she always gets A's, nothing to scream about darling. Now you were telling me about the VMA's?" My 'Mother' looked up to him from her position on the couch.
Alex ignored her question and continued.
"She always gets A's? Why haven't I heard about this? I'm sticking this up on he fridge" He winked at me and smiled. He had to be up to something. I just walked by, took the report card off the fridge and went up to my room and played music. About two minutes later there was a knock at the door. I knocked on my desk to signal that whoever it was could come in.
"Beth?" Alex asked. I turned around.
"Do you mind if I sit down?" he gestured to my bed. I shook my head no to let him know it was alright.
He sat down on my bed and smiled when he saw my teddy.
"I remember this," he smiled. "Sammy got it for you when you were born. I wanted it so bad but he got me an action man insead". He looked up at me and when he saw I wasn't smiling like him he continued on.
"Jack showed me something interesting a few weeks ago," he paused. "It was your blog."
I went completely rigid. Instead of leaning against my desk chair I sat up completely still. I knew what he had saw.
"I'm.. I'm not angry Bethy. Nobody knows it's you so it's okay but when I read the line 'I feel so alone in the world I'm worried I'm going to end up like Sammy'. I just knew I had to find out what the problem was. I don't understand why you feel so alone Beth. You have Mum and Dad, and your friends at school! Talk to me!" He pleaded.
I simply just took the report card and threw it onto his lap. I then took out about five more from my drawer and threw them onto his lap also.
"Why didn't Mom and Dad keep these?" he looked confused. I swung aroudn in my computer chair and went on google. I showed him a picture of him and the guys at the VMAs. He still looked confused. I open Word and typed out.
"It's hard living in your shadow".
"My shadow? What?" he looked angry. I typed again.
"Alex this, Alex that. Not that I'm not proud of you I am, I'm never acknowledged. You're practically an only child."

At this I stood up and walked into my bathroom. I looked into the mirror and collected my thoughts. This was the most Alex had said to me since he was 16. There was a knock at the door.
"Bethy please come out" he sounded lost. I opened the door and we sat down on my bed.
"Why did you stop talking? I don''t know what happened. Just one day it hit me when I was 17 that I hadn't heard you speak in so long. What happened?"
And so right there I uttered my first words since I was 11.
"You left" I said.
"What? I left when I was 18 you stopped when I was seven... oh" he realised. "I started partying, had more band practise hung out with the guys more... I know I left but what about your friends at school?"
"I don't have any" I simply said in my english accent. All these years and I still had mine.
"You have to have at least one friend Beth. Your exaggerating, that bullying ended years ago."
"It never stopped Alex. It got worse after Sam died and you left me! You were my only friend and you forgot all about me! My two best and only friends gone! Mum and Dad don't even care about me! I don't get in trouble, I work hard, I do better than you or Sam ever did in school and it's always 'That's nice dear' and that's it! So don't you dare accuse me of exaggerating that I feel all alone." I shouted.
We both just stood there in shock.
"I had no idea... I was so wrapped up in being in a band that I.. I just.. Come here" he walked towards and enclosed me in his arms. The only place I had ever felt safe. I sobbed. Despite my miserable life I hadn't cried since Alex had first gone on tour. When he really was gone.

As we hugged and cried together for our lost relationship and fallen brother, I couldn't help but feel as if things were looking up.