I Have A Brother?

Much less to my surprise math class turned out to be as boring as ever. I turned in my half-assed homework and barely wrote down the assignment before the bell rang. Geometry is seriously the most pointless class, unless you want to be an architect, and I didn’t need to have numbers and formulas to prove what a rectangle looked like. As far as I’m concerned the only shape I was worried about was the shape of my guitar because that’s the only job I had in mind…hell I couldn’t do anything else with my grades.

So after school I found Emily and Travis as they were supposed to come over for band practice. We had all played instruments since we were kids so it was only natural that we would start a band by the time we got into high school. We called ourselves Venomous Bite and we were consisted of Emily our bass player, Travis the drummer and I took over guitar and lead vocals.

Currently we were sitting on my couch in the garage, reviewing old tapes of previous gigs. The one playing at the moment was a show that we played about 2 weeks ago in Anaheim. Everything had gone great and we actually had a really good turn out of people. Some of them I didn’t recognize as just our friends and family coming to the shows anymore. Also reviewing the tapes allowed us to watch our performances and see how we sounded live, hopefully in an attempt to approve on anything if needed. We wanted to nail everything perfectly for when we played The Gilman in a couple months.

I pulled the tape out as it ended and put it back in the case before I resumed to my spot on the couch. Emily sat next to me as she was resting her head on the palm of her hand, clearly exhausted, while Travis was sitting on his drum stool, randomly keeping a beat on the arm of the couch with his drumsticks.

“So what do you guys think?” I asked them.

“Vocals were good, I’m surprised you sounded as well as you did since you had a sore throat.” Travis said.

I smiled at him as I remembered that night. I was just getting over bronchitis that I had about a week earlier but I refused to cancel our spot on the bill. I would tough it out to make it big.

“Well thanks Trav.” I said before I turned to Emily. “You ok? You look a little tired.”

She lazily blinked her eyes a few times before she let out a slow nod. “Yeah I’m fine…parents were just arguing last night so I didn’t get much sleep.”

I put my hand on her shoulder in an attempt to soothe her. “Well you’ll pull through it girl. Just put on some Green Day or Avenged when they’re fighting.” Those were her favorite bands.

She let out a small chuckle as she smiled at me. “I do that anyway An.”

Travis slightly rolled his eyes as he stood up from his seat. “And don’t forget to kiss their pictures like I know you do.”

I laughed as she playfully threw one of his own drumsticks at him. “You’re just jealous cause you’re not as hot as they are.”

“Oh I’m not hot,” he said as he playfully pretended to act gay, putting his hand on his hips. “I’m gorgeous sweetie.”

This only made me laugh harder. “You keep telling yourself that Trav.”

He playfully rolled his eyes again as he stole a soda from the mini fridge. “So have you heard anything from Larry An?”

I shook my head as I stood from my seat, reaching my arms above my head to stretch them out. “No not yet but I’m sure we will soon. It’s only been a week since we got a re-call.”

Lawrence Livermore was the owner of Lookout! Records and he saw us play a show when we were in the bay area. He thought we were really good and even went as far as offering us a spot on his label. It was our first ‘semi’ major label offer so we were still debating on what we should do…and none of us could seem to agree.

"Well I think we should still think about it." Travis said. "I mean that's an awesome company and everything but what if someone offers us something better and we've already signed?"

"Yeah but what if no one offers us anything at all," Emily piped in. "And then we've waited too long and he goes to find someone else?"

"Well he only asked us last week." I said. "We still have plenty of time to think about it."

We continued to talk more about Larry’s offer but it was cut short as the front door to my house was opened and then slammed shut, my mother’s voice following behind it.

“Ana Marie Sanders get up here NOW!”

I looked back to my friends as I let out a small wince but I already saw that they were giving me looks of sympathy. “I want all your CD’s after your mom kills you ok?” Travis laughed and I hugged him goodbye.

“Just make sure you get a lot of money out of them.” I joked, turning to Emily now.

“Good-luck Ana.” She chuckled and pulled Travis out the back door with her, aka the escape route.

I felt nervous as I turned towards the basement door, not wanting to open it and go up the stairs to face my no doubt furious mother. Hell I don’t even remember what I did.

I took in a deep breath as I laid my hand on the door knob, slowing turning it and taking my time to go up the stairs before I was scolded. I opened the door that led to the living room and closed it to find my mom sitting on the couch with a pissed off look on her face. I already knew she was mad at me so I tried to play it off a little bit.

“Hey mom,” I tried to smile at her. “What’s up?”

She was still silent before she stood up from her seat, only to throw down a few pieces of paper onto the coffee table. “Obviously not your grades Ana.”

Great. I thought as I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Report cards came home…

“You’re math teacher called me today too. He said that you have failed the past 2 tests, you’re missing countless homework assignments and you continue to be late to his class about every other day! Ana what do you have to say for yourself?”

I crossed my arms over my chest as I tried to keep my temper down, letting out a huff as I spoke. “Well school is not the same as it was 20 years ago mom. It’s gotten a lot harder…and maybe I would show up to his class if he actually treated me like I wasn’t just some piece of gum that was stuck to his shoe. You have no idea how miserable that place is.”

“Ana don’t give me that bull shit excuse!” she yelled as she threw her arms into the air, obviously a sign that she was growing frustrated with me. “I’m sure he doesn’t just do it for the sure pleasure of making you angry. And yes school is hard but that’s just a part of life Ana! You have to try and care about your school work!”

“Well maybe I don’t care mom!” I yelled back at her, taking my turn to speak my mind in our fight. “It’s pretty obvious with me being a senior for the second time that I’m not meant for school!”

She followed me into the kitchen as I tried to keep some distance from her, hopefully in an attempt to make her leave me alone. “And what else do you expect to do for a good paying job huh? Having a diploma and a college education is a vital thing to have in the world today!”

I was now being pushed to the point where I was about to get a headache from our arguing. That usually happens when I get upset. “Well not for me. I’ve already got other plans mom.”

She sighed as she sat down at the table, taking my hand as she made me sit with her. "Ana I know you love your band, and you want to make it big," She said calmly. "but it's harder than you think to actually be successful in the music industry. I just don't want you to be disappointed if it doesn't happen."

My mom was always telling me this. I didn’t know if it was because that she thought that we didn’t sound good enough to make it or if it was from the pure fact of all those odds but she was always telling me to keep my band on the back of my mind and my school work first…I was gonna take this opportunity to tell her about the offer that we had received.

“But mom it is going to happen. Lawrence Livermore has already offered us a spot on his label for Lookout! Records and he thinks that we’re good enough to make it. We have a really good shot at the big times.”

Her smile was genuine as she took my hand in hers again, making me feel like she might actually care. “That’s fantastic news honey, I really am proud of you but I just don’t want you to take school of your mind either alright? Can you at least promise me that you won’t give up on it?”

“Mom I-” I began to argue but she put her hand up to silence me.

“Just keep it on your mind.”

I didn’t say anything else as I reluctantly nodded my head, dropping the subject as the fight ended.

"Alright then. Now what do you want to do for dinner tonight?” She asked me. “Chinese sound good because I really don't feel like cooking."

"Yeah Chinese is fine. Just remember to tell them not to put any green onions in the cashew chicken."

"Yeah I know you're allergic."

I smiled at her again before I went back into the living room to turn the TV on. South Park ought to keep me occupied while I waited for her to finish ordering the food over the phone. I was watching butters once again get hit in the eye by a wooden spoon from Cartman when I heard a large crash come from the kitchen. Getting up from the couch as fast as I could go I ran into where she was and saw that mom was collapsed on the ground, a few plastic cooking bowls surrounding her.

"Mom!" I yelled in a panic as I ran over to where she was and gently helped her up, placing her arm around my shoulder for support. "Mom are you ok?"

Putting out a shaky hand she grabbed the counter to help herself up as well. “Y-Yeah…I just lost my balance is all.”
I gave her a skeptical look as I helped her to sit down in one of the kitchen chairs. I noticed that she looked paler than usual and her hands were clammy and felt like ice cubes. “Are you sure? You look like you’re not feeling very well.”

She waved her hand at me as she attempted to stand back up. “No no I’m fine. I just really haven’t eaten anything to day.”

I almost believed her but as she stood up she almost fell down again, quickly making my reflexes catch her and sit her back down. “Mom will you at least tell me the truth? What’s the matter and why are you acting like this?”

She avoided my gaze as she looked away from me, making me only more curious towards her odd behavior. “Mom?” I asked her again, rubbing my hand over hers to make her look at me. “Mom if it’s something bad then we can talk about this together…just please tell me what’s wrong.”

Finally she turned to me but her expression made me wish that she hadn’t. She looked scared…like some fraction of the light in her eyes had disappeared. She spoke in a soft whisper as she squeezed my hand. “It’s back sweetheart…I’m so sorry.”

I swallowed the lump that I had held in my throat, tears already starting to brim my eyes. For the past 2 years my mom has been fighting leukemia. She went through everything to get rid of it, chemotherapy, pills, blood transfusions, you name it we’ve done it. We were finally relieved when the last test proved that they had finally gotten rid of all of the disease, saying that she only had to go in once a month for check ups…well I guess they were wrong.

“H-How did this happen?” I whispered, feeling like I might break down at any moment.

She shook her head as she put her hand to her mouth, closing her eyes as a few of her own tears slipped down her cheeks. “They found it in my last check up with Dr. Turpin…they said that it was simply impossible themselves and they don’t know how it spread again. It must have been something they had accidentally over looked.”

“Well maybe they’re wrong!” I yelled as I stood up from my seat, already beginning to pace the kitchen floor with frustration. “Have another test done!”

She shook her head once more. “That was the first thing that I did sweetheart…I don’t want to believe this anymore than you do.”

I knew that I was crying at this point. Everything we went through, all the money we had spent for treatments were now useless, gone down the drain along with my hopes.

“This isn’t fair…” I cried as I sat back down next to her, her taking me into her lap as she rocked me back and forth. “This isn’t fair!”

She smoothed out my hair with her hand as she continued to rock me, kissing the top of my head in an attempt to calm me down. “I know it isn’t Anabelle…I know.”

And that’s how we stayed for probably the next 30 minutes, crying and holding onto each other like we might lose each other at that moment.