Early Sunsets Over Monroeville

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

The incessant flickering on-off high-low noise irritated me unbelievably – but those thoughts only buzzed at the back of my mind. I was trying to remember…something…important. Someone, I realized – an important person who I couldn’t, but had to, remember.

Then it struck me. Gerard. Gerard Arthur Way. And…what was it?...Lyn-Z. Her, too. The mess she’d caused, I’d caused, Gee lived in now. Lyn-Z loved me. I loved Gee. Gee loved Lindsey, but wait! What was it he’d said? Did he…Did he love me too? Did he love both of us? I didn’t know; couldn’t remember, whichever. I wanted to smack my forehead with the palm of my hand for being such an idiot, but I was laid flat and my arm was stuck to something.

Only then did I start to wonder about myself – where was I, was I alone, why was I here? Although my eyes stubbornly refused to open, the beeping, the uncomfortable, stiff sheets and lumpy pillow beneath me, and the sterile smell suggested strongly I was in a hospital. Why? Then I recalled more.

When Gerard had told me he loved me too. I hadn’t thought about it before, but now I remembered where I’d been. With my eyes closed, in near-agony, half-dead under a car.

So I hadn’t died? I hadn’t died!

This new-found excitement over my living made me eager, and I forced my eyes to bat open cautiously, only for them to be quickly wounded by the brightly-lit white room. But someone saw my shield my brown eyes with my quavering hand, and I heard chair legs scraping along the floor as it flew back when they stood. They came and took my hand.

“Frank? It’s Gee. Are you okay? D’you want me to get the nurse?”

I shook my head in denial slowly, then moved my hand and attempted to open my eyes once more – desperately wanting to see Gerard’s face.

“Hey,” I smiled weakly when I finally got them open. His face was more beautiful than I remembered. The slight golden flecks (a consequent of the three nights in Australia) ‘marring’ his cheeks were beginning to fade, and his natural pallor of porcelain had returned, making his coal hair more shocking – ebony on ivory, where it covered his left eye. But his right eye was still visible, and though it was clouded with concern, it glowed brown and green and hazel and bright. I’d never seen him look so optimistic and so anxious at the same time.

“Hiya,” he replied, smiling for me, though he didn’t look particularly happy. “How’d ya feel?”

“I’m…” I hesitated. I felt pretty shit, actually, but I didn’t want to tell him that and cause some kind of unnecessary fuss. But at the same time, I didn’t want to lie to him, either. Eventually, I came up with the limp but diplomatic: “I’m okay, considering.”

Gee nodded. “Considering last time I saw you even half-conscious, you were underneath a car and…and…you looked…” He didn’t finish, so I had a go for him.

“Dead?” I offered nonchalantly – it was amazing how I cried over the deliberate attempt to die and was so unconcerned about the accident that almost wrecked my life just as it was about to begin. But I shrugged it off.

He nodded again, pale face drawn. “Yeah. That.”

I leaned back, closed my eyes for a minute, then opened them and found myself scrutinizing his sheet face, to see massive purple half-circles eating away at his gorgeous autumn eyes. Frowning, I told him: “You should sleep. You look knackered.”

“I’m fine,” he dismissed, shaking his head stubbornly. But I wasn’t going to back down, even if it knocked me out.

“Sleep,” I ordered, making my voice as authoritative as I could – not very powerful at all. He shook his head, ‘no’, again.

“Gee,” I whined. “You have to sleep!”

“I know!” he shouted back, raising his voice alarmingly, to match my surprisingly loud one.

“Sleep, then!” I responded, voice still bigger-and-badder* than usual.

“No. Not now. Later,” he promised, his melody like a whisper of the iced wind now.

I sighed, too tired myself to fight anymore. “Promise?” I asked weakly.

Gerard fixed me with a long, hard gaze before opening his mouth and closing it just as quickly, without saying anything. He echoed my frustrated, patronizing sigh and – for the millionth time – shook his head. Finally, he backed down, and I smiled and closed my eyes, his word acting as a sweet, hoarse lullaby.

“Promise.”

Letting that satiate me when I probably shouldn’t have, I allowed my eyes to slowly drift closed, my eyelashes caressing my cheeks gently like falling feathers. In a slur, before I let sleep take me completely, a murmured, “I love you, Gee.” It was astonishing how calmly and confidently I could say the words, with such a blasé mindset. I didn’t fear rejection or disgust, and my heart rate stayed relatively normal on the beeping monitor.

However, it rose to beat like a hummingbird’s wings when I received my soft reply.

“I love you too, Frank,” Gerard whispered soothingly, kissing my forehead softly, only grazing my skin, almost not touching me at all. “Just sleep, now.”

Who was I to disobey him? With that, I finally allowed myself to be dragged from the waking world, my ecstatic chocolate eyes radiant like warm liquid brown sun behind my shut, bruised lids.