Moments

*Tammie’s POV*

*Two and a half weeks later*

I woke up with a start, my stomach churning. I quickly threw the covers aside and ran out of my room and to the bathroom, throwing up everything in my stomach. “Shit, Tam.” Kait said. I looked up to see she had held my hair for me. “What happened? You woke up sick yesterday too…” I shrugged and stood up, feeling a lot better. I grabbed my tooth brush and brushed my teeth. “I guess it was something I ate…” I said, Kait gave me a look. She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow at me. I did nothing but stand there so she rolled her eyes and took my hand, dragging me out of the house. “We’re going to the drug store.” She told me with a small smile and a pull of the hand.

An hour later Kait and I stood in the bathroom, anxiously waiting for the third test to tell me if the other two were correct. “I can’t…” I told her, a tear falling from my eye. She smiled sadly and we heard the beep. I didn’t move towards it, so Kait did. She sighed when she saw it and showed me the little pink plus on it. I fell to the ground and hid my face in my knees. “What if he doesn’t want kids? He has a career, a life, he’s only 20!” I said to her, lifting my head. She rolled her eyes at me. “He wouldn’t leave you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” She said to me. More tears fell. “This would ruin his life.” I said to her. She scoffed, “Look at Jackie!” I ignored her. “Louis can’t… He can’t find out. Kait, promise me! Promise me you won’t tell him!” I said, standing up. “Tell who what?” Jackie’s voice flooded the room. I sighed. “Are the guys here too?” She nodded. “Downstairs raiding your kitchen, why?” I groaned and pointed to the trash. She walked over and gasped when she saw the tests. “No… Not you Tam!” She said to me, looking at me in shock. I nodded. “And… I’ve decided that… that Lou doesn’t need a kid right now, it would hurt his career more than anything.” I said. She looked at me then pointed to her stomach. “The directioners think it’s adorable!” She said to me. I shook my head. “But… This is different; this is Louis we’re talking about. He… He wouldn’t be good at raising a kid; he can barely keep track of himself. I can’t… You guys can’t tell them.” I told them, tears rolling down my face.

Kait sighed and nodded. “Fine, I won’t. You’re lucky that I still don’t know them too well.” She said. Jackie paused. She bit her lip. “I… I don’t know, Tam. He has a right to know…” I shook my head. “No, not yet. He’ll know at some point, I’ll tell him on my own time okay? He’ll find out eventually, I promise. I’ll just… I’ll just break it off…” More tears fell out of my eyes, I didn’t want this! I love him, but… It’s what’s best for him. “A-And I’ll get away. I’ll move out, Kait you’re welcome to join me, to another part of London far from the guys…” Kait looked at me and bit her lip, as did Jackie. “I’m not going to get into this.” Kait said and shook her head. “Tell him. On your time, but tell him.” Jackie said to me and they both walked out. I slid down the wall and leaned my head back, letting it hit the wall with a thud. What have I done?

“Lou, can we… can we talk?” I asked him as I saw him in the living room watching TV with everyone else. Jackie gave me a look, which I ignored. He nodded and took my hand, pulling me through the house and out the back door. He smiled at me, squeezing my hand a bit. “What’s up?” He asked me. I sighed and looked down at the ground, taking my hand from his and putting it in the pocket of my sweatshirt. He stopped, “Tam?” he asked. I stopped and looked up at him. I took my hands out of my pockets, they were shaking. “I’m so sorry…” I whispered and reached my right hand to my left and took the ring off. “I… It’s not you…” I told him sincerely, looking up into his eyes. “It’s just… not going to work out.” I told him and put the ring back into his hands. I saw tears well up in his eyes, and tears of my own started to fall out. “Goodbye, Lou.” I said to him. “No, Tam. Please, please don’t!” He said. I shook my head and turned to walk away. “Tammie! Please, Tam. What can I do? I’ll do anything, Tam! What did I do? I’m sorry! Please…” he ran up in front of me and put his hands on my arms, stopping me from walking. “Lou, I told you… It’s not you. It’s… It’s me, Lou. I…” I didn’t want to lie, but I only knew of one thing that would get him to stop, because if he kept going I was sure to give in.

“Please…” Lou said to me, the tears cascading down his cheeks, his eyes bluer than ever from the tears, his eyes red and puffy. I shook my head. “I found someone else, Lou. I’m sorry… I just… I feel complete with him.” He took his hands from my arms, hurt flashing in his eyes. Wrong answer. “You cheated on me?” He asked his voice cracking. I shook my head. “No, he’s… he’s just a friend right now. But, I didn’t want to cheat so…” I sighed and tried to push the tears back. “You’re lying.” he told me. I shook my head. “There isn’t another guy, Tam. I know you like the back of my hand, give me a good reason right now and I’ll let you go.” he told me. I looked up at him; his eyes were soft even though his voice wasn’t.

“I…” I said and looked back down; I looked up at him again and tried my hardest to look like I was sincere. “I don’t feel a spark anymore. My heart beat doesn’t pick up when you walk into the room; it doesn’t skip a beat when you kiss me. I don’t love you anymore, Louis.” I said to him. I could practically hear his heart breaking as he looked me dead in the eye then nodded. “O-Okay…” he said, his voice cracking. ”I’m sorry Lou but… I’m going to go away…” I told him. He nodded. “Maybe I’ll go back to Boston for a little bit.” I told him. He nodded and tears fell from his eyes.

“Can I have one more kiss?” He asked when I was about to turn to walk away. Oh, God no. Please, no. I nodded and put a hand on his cheek, kissing his lips softly. “Goodbye, Lou.” I whispered and walked back to my house slowly.

*~*~*~*

“I’m going to say this once,” Kait said to me later that night as I lay in bed, wide awake. Trying to think of something to do. I’d probably talk my mom into moving back to America. “You put this on yourself. If you stay here, I’ll help you. As will Jackie, probably. If you move to America…” She said and pursed her lips. “I’ll stay here. I want my old life back.” She said to me before walking out of the room to hers. More tears fell from my eyes. What have I done? “Kait!” I called loudly; I heard her footsteps coming back. “Come back to America with me, Kait. You can go home, see Jen and your old friends!” I said, smiling at her. She scoffed and shook her head. “I’m just getting the hang of things, and I can remember small things when I’m with the guys… I’m not leaving, Tam. Sorry.” She said and walked out again. I groaned, letting more tears fall from my eyes.

An hour later Kait stopped by the room. “I’m going over the guys’, need anything?” She asked. I looked at her, shocked. She’s leaving me? “Don’t give me that look! You put this on yourself, Tam.” She said to me. “You broke that poor boy’s heart, you deserve this.” I let my jaw drop as she rolled her eyes and walked out. “I’m such a bitch…”

*~*~*~*
*Louis’ POV*

I watched Tammie walk away from me and out of my life, my heart in pieces that I’d never be able to put back together. She held the last piece with her, and always would. I watched her until she was in the house and then I turned and walked away, to my apartment. I didn’t really… feel anything. Maybe I’m in shock? I don’t know, I know it happened. The ring feels heaving in my pocket, I can feel it. Before I knew it I was in my apartment, lying down on my bed. She’s slept here with me so many times. We had sex here. I got up, unable to be in the room. Too many reminders of what we had. I entered the living room and sat on the couch. She left me. She’s gone. She’s out of my life. Forever. What did I do? Did I not love her enough? No, she said it wasn’t me. That it was her. But doesn’t everyone say that? I reached up to scratch my cheek and it was wet. Oh great, now I’m crying. But I couldn’t stop, no. I just lost the love of my life. I was going to marry her, love her until the end, start a family with her (hopefully), buy a house and move in together… but not anymore. All that’s over.
The guys came home soon after, having been apparently kicked out of Tam’s. They tried to get me to talk but I wouldn’t. I just hugged the pillow that Tammie always laid on close to my body, letting tears fall down my face and for sobs to leave my body. I’m such a baby. She probably planned on this, using me then dumping me. But, if she was using me, what for? She always tried to pay when we went out, she wouldn’t let me buy her nice things… More tears fell. There has to be a reason. Maybe there is another guy? No, she’s not that kind of girl. But then again, I thought we’d actually get married. Stupid, stupid Louis. I did something; I had to have done something. There’s no other explanation. I’d figure out what I did, fix it, and then get back together with the love of my life.

I guess a few hours went by, I’m not sure. But soon someone knocked on the door and Kait walked in and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back but didn’t pay attention to it, to her. She was Tammie’s best friend. More tears fell. “I’m so sorry,” she said to me and hugged me tighter. She always gave good hugs, maybe even better than Niall’s. If not then she’s just as good of a hug giver. “She won’t see reason…” She whispered and pulled back from the hug, wiping her eyes. I frowned at her. Just three weeks ago she lost all her memory, and here she is… with me instead of her best friend. With us instead of Tammie. “You should go back.” I said to her. “I’m not going back! Look what she did! It’s…” She stopped and then said, “It’s unacceptable.” She said and sat next to me on the couch, squeezing between Niall and me. She held my hand and wrapped her other arm around me.

“Want some ice cream? Chocolate ice cream should do the trick, I’d go get it but I can’t drive… well, I don’t know if I can which means I probably shouldn’t…” She said and frowned a bit. I tried to laugh but nothing came out. She looked at me, tears brimming her eyes. Well, at least she looks like she’s back to her old, caring self. “Just… Kait, you don’t have to do this for me.” I told her. She scoffed and squeezed my hand a bit. “I went through a tough break up, and this is probably so much worse… no one was there for me. I wish someone was, so much. I just wanted to sit and cry for days with someone to lean on, if you need me I’ll stay, Lou. You don’t deserve… this.” She frowned at me and pulled me into a hug again. Harry left to get everything Kait told him to get while I cried onto her shoulder.

I couldn’t stop. Wouldn’t be able to, ever. I lost Tammie and I have no idea why. Eventually I stopped crying, but continued to sulk. How would I go on? I couldn’t, there’s nothing left to do. Well, I have music. That will never leave me.

“Lou, please get up.” Kait said to me for the tenth time that day. “No.” I said and pulled the blanket over my head. I heard her sigh and get up and leave. I haven’t gotten out of my bed in days, but I don’t care. There’s nothing to do, so why get up? Not hungry, I get up to pee but that’s it. And even then it’s sometimes; usually I just hold it in.

“LOU! GET YOUR ASS UP AND OUT OF BED!” Kait’s voice flooded my ears. I groaned and pulled the blanket up. “Get up!” She yelled again, I heard her footsteps. Her bare feet, walking on the balls of her feet. “No, let me stay in bed.” I said and held the blanket tighter. She still reached up and snatched it from my grasp. I felt her hard glare and opened my eyes to see hers gray and cold. “Lou, get up.” She said to me, taking a step back. Scared, I stood up. “Come on,” She said taking my hand, her eyes softening and turning back to their blue-gray color. I followed slowly, a frown set on my face. She shoved me in the bathroom, the shower already running. “Take a shower.” She told me before she closed the door.

I sighed and stripped quickly, stepping into the hot shower and taking a deep breath. I washed my hair, then my body. Three times each. I smell really bad. I heard the door open and heard someone drop clothes. “Kait told me to bring these in, mate.” Harry said. “Okay.” I said and continued to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. He sighed and left, closing the door behind him.

“Okay, I’m up, I showered, I even shaved for you…” I said to Kait after shaving. “What do you want?” I asked her. She smiled at me and looked to the guys. “I want to go out with you guys. Jackie and Danielle are coming.” She told me with a cute smile. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Can’t I just go back to my bed?” Her face fell. “You don’t want to come with us?” I could see that she honestly looked upset. Since the accident, she’s been a bit… over emotional. “I’m trying! I’m sorry that I can’t remember, I’m so sorry…” She said to me, tears welling in her eyes. She’s done this to all of the guys so far, except me. She does it to Niall almost daily; I don’t know how he copes with it. “It’s not your fault, Kait.” I told her. She wiped the tears from her eyes and said, “Okay… well… I guess you can go back to bed… I just wanted to help you get back outside! You need some sunlight and… food and water. I’m scared for you.” She looked at me for a second before sighing.

“Let’s go then…” Kait said and took Niall’s hand, gently pulling on it. He looked back at me and then at her, the look in his eye telling me to do something. I looked at Kait and my heart shattered. She just wants to help. “Fine, I’ll come.” I said and stood up, walking over to put my shoes on. “YAY!” Kait shouted, running over and hugging me tightly. I hugged her back, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

*~*~*~*