Your Forever Is All That I Need

The past week Kellin has been acting weird. I always catch him staring at me and he doesn’t look away. His girlfriend is flying out today and I knew things were about to get even more weird. I know we need to talk because after everything nothing was explained and he definitely needs to tell me why he ended things. He also needs to explain why he told people that I’m the one who ended things. When I heard that I was beyond livid and wanted to punch him in the face. What made it worse was that some people actually believed him and stopped talking to me. That’s what hurt the most – losing friends because your ex-boyfriend decides to lie to every single one of them. The one thing that I knew was that he was cheating on me and then he broke up with me over text. Who breaks up with someone over text message? It’s sad he couldn’t do it like a mature adult and tell me to my face.

I was staring out the window as we were driving down the highway onto the next venue when the door to the back lounge opened. I looked up and saw Kellin standing awkwardly and just looking at me. “Can I come in?” He asked quietly. I nodded my head and went back to looking out the window. I could feel him staring at me because I could see him in the corner of my eye and I could just feel him staring me down. “I wanted to talk to you if that’s okay with you.” He said quickly. I turned my head and looked him in his hazel eyes that I always loved. “Yeah that’s fine. What did you want to talk about?” I said kind of quietly mainly because it was 2:30 AM and everyone else on the bus was asleep.

“I wanted to talk about everything that happened between us. I never explained anything to you and I think it’s time that I do.” He rubbed his hands back and forth. That’s one of the things he did when he was nervous. “Alright then start explaining.” I turned towards him and just waited for him to start talking. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he actually started talking. “Okay it started back when we were fighting about me going out…”

“WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKING GO OUT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT KELLIN?”I yelled loudly in his face.

“Why are you yelling right now? Stop.” He replied calmly.

“Well if you stayed home with me every once in a while then we wouldn’t be having this argument right now.” I stepped back a few steps and leaned against the counter.

“Why is it so bad that I want to go out? I’m still young and I want to hang out with my friends.” He shrugged and just stared at me.

“When was the last time we just had us time?” I waited 5 minutes for him to answer and he never did. “EXACTLY! You’re never home except for during the day for only about 3 hours and you don’t even like being in the same room as me!”

“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST STOP FUCKING NAGGING? I’m getting sick of hearing you nag and complain about everything that I do.” He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Why can’t you be more like Jesse? He loves spending time with Ashley.” I said and the tears started falling down my face.

“You’re really about to cry right now? All you do is cry about everything!” He said shaking his head.

“I’M SORRY THAT MY BOYFRIEND IS SUCH AN ASS TO ME AND CAN’T APPRECIATE ANYTHING! I’M SORRY THAT MY BOYFRIEND NEVER WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH ME BREAKS MY FUCKING HEART! I’M SO FUCKING SORRY I’M SUCH A BURDEN FOR YOU!” I yelled while walking closer to him and getting up in his face.

“I’m not going to stand here any longer just so you can yell in my face over and over again.” He walked out and I heard the front door slam. I slide down to the floor and sobbed.

“…That night I went to a bar and that’s when I met Katelynne and I cheated on you the first time.” Once he stopped talking I noticed he had tears falling down his face and I know I did too. I felt the heartbreak like it just happened. Kellin was the first guy who I truly loved and wanted to be with for the rest of my life, but he ruined that. “I know you still hate me and I still hate me too. I never meant to hurt you because you meant the world to me. You were the best thing to ever happen me and I just ruined it.” He said when I didn’t say anything.

I looked down at my hand and bit my lip. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down my face. “Please say something.” He whispered and got on his knees in front of me and held my hands. “Why would you continue to cheat on me with her? You knew how much I loved you and how much you meant to me.” I whispered softly. “Honestly I really don’t know, but it was a mistake that I regret every single day. I wish I would’ve stayed home that night and finished that argument with you. If I would’ve stayed then we would probably still be together.” He said softly as he kept staring at me.

I heard the door open and I looked up to see who was entering. Jesse stared at us a little shocked, but Kellin never looked away from me. “What’s going on in here?” He asked, but I think he did know what we were actually doing. I knew he could see the tears that were falling down my face. “We were talking about everything that happened.” My voice cracked a little bit once I started to talk regularly again. Jesse nodded his head and said that he was going back to bed. He closed the door and I turned my head back to Kellin. He was still staring at me and I knew he wasn’t going to stop.

“I still love you DeNaesia. I don’t love Katelynne at all. I want you and only you.” He said quickly. “Kellin, I don’t know if I can trust you again. You hurt me so bad and I don’t want to go through that kind of heartbreak ever again. You love Katelynne and you’re going to stay with her.” I took my hand back and got up and went to my bunk. I felt my heartbreaking again and the pain was terrible. I hated everything and I just wish that it wasn’t happening. I really needed to see Jack or Mike.