Desperately Reaching for Something in the Dark

I remember the day I left like it was yesterday.

After I decided that I was officially going to leave the state I lived in for the entire time I've been alive, I waited until Alex fell asleep before I began packing anything. I didn’t want to seem conspicuous.

I quietly opened the closet, taking the items of clothing by handfuls and tossing them in the bag. I’d rearrange the suitcase later. Once I got all my clothes from the closet, I moved on to the dresser.

At one point, I heard a grunt come from the bed. I immediately stopped; my entire body freezing at that one noise. That one noise could ruin this escape for me. He could easily get out of bed, see what I was doing and put the pieces together. It wasn’t hard to figure out.

But when I heard his light snoring, I knew everything would work out. You see, Alex was a very heavy sleeper. There could be a shooting next door and he’d probably sleep through it. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but you get the point. After I packed the rest of the clothes from the dresser, I zipped up the suitcase.

Taking a deep breath before doing anything else, I stood and looked around the room. A lot of things happened here. Alex’s and my first kiss, the first time we had sex, and many other memories that I’d never forget.

I walked to his side of the bed and kissed his forehead, lingering my lips there longer than I should have. Once I pulled away and walked out of the room, I shut the door behind me and left my home.

I had my mother drive me to the airport. I vaguely remembered the goodbye we shared.

“I still don’t understand why you’re leaving,” she said, obvious tears welling in her eyes, “you have such an amazing life here, Aria. Your boyfriend, best friends and your family are all here. Why would you want to leave that all behind?"

“It feels right to leave, I guess. I’ve lived here my whole life and I just… want a change, you know? Start a new chapter in my life. I’ll come back around, eventually.” I couldn't tell her the real reason I'm leaving. Not yet, anyway.

She choked back a sob. “Just make sure you check in from time to time. You know how your father gets when he doesn’t hear from you.”

I nodded. “I won’t forget, I promise.” I pulled out a piece of paper from my back pocket. “Here’s the address of where I’ll be staying, if I don’t call for a while, you can come and kick my ass.”

That made her smile. “Be safe out there, Aria. California can be a scary place.”

“I’ll be fine, mom.” Before I could say anything else, the intercom interrupted me.

“Flight 173 to Los Angeles, California now boarding.” The attendant spoke. “Flight 173 to Los Angeles, California is now boarding.”

That was my cue.

“I guess this is goodbye.” She stuck out her arms and I walked into her embrace.

“Goodbye, mom.” A single tear fell from my eyes and rolled down my cheek. “Tell dad and Lily that I love them and I’ll miss them. And mom,” I said, pulling from her embrace. “Don’t tell Alex where I’m going, okay? I beg you.”

“I won’t, I promise.” She replied. “Have a safe flight and call me when you land.”

I nodded before walking over to the line, showing the flight attendant my ticket and finding my seat on the plane. A window seat.

Everything from that moment was a blur. I remember someone coming and taking the seat next to me. I remember crying to myself, looking out the window into the nighttime sky. I remember landing. I remember finding my new roommate, Ricki, standing by the gate with a balloon in her hand and a smile on her face.

Now, 2 years later, here I am, standing in the Los Angeles airport, catching a flight back to Maryland. But this time, I have someone coming back with me.