Desperately Reaching for Something in the Dark

The few days we had with Alex went quicker than I wanted. Granted, a part of me wanted him to stay here in California with me and Charlie forever, but as much as I wanted it to happen, I knew Baltimore had his heart and always would. It was his home and I could never take him away from that. 

When I arrived at the apartment complex Rikki, Charlie and I lived at, I was greeted by Alex and our daughter standing at the bottom of the staircase. We lived on the third floor. 

"Mommy!" 

"Hi, baby girl." I picked her up from the ground and hitched her on my hip after giving her a hug. "Hey, Lex. Glad to see you in sunny California." 

"Glad to be here with you two." He smiled, leaning down and capturing my lips with his, pulling away when Charlie yelled out an "ick!" 

"What do you think of Rikki?" I asked Alex as we went up the stairs and into my apartment. 

"She's kinda like Jack." He laughed. "We should do some double date with them or something. It's ridiculous how good of a couple they'd be." 

"Oh, you're right! We should one day, after the tour or something." 

The first day went absolutely perfect. My boyfriend and best friend got along perfectly and I couldn't be any happier at the moment. 

Except for on the second day. When I let Rikki watch Charlie for the night while Alex and I went out to my favorite bar in Los Angeles. Redwood's. I was dressed in my favorite black skirt and a white tank top tucked in and a pair of black heels. I put on my necklace and a bracelet that tied the whole outfit together. I met Alex in the living room and admired how good he looked in black skinny jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt with a denim jacket and his signature beanie atop his head. 

"Ready to g—oh, wow, Aria, you look great." Alex stated, standing up and sauntering over to me, placing his hands on my waist and pressing my body against his. "Really, really great." 

"I think it's time for bed for Charlie! Have fun tonight, guys!" Rikki interrupted Alex's and my little moment and ran up the stairs, giving us the living room to ourselves. 

"Can we do a quickie on the couch?" He asked. I chuckled. Only Alex. "Please? Because you're looking incredibly sexy and I don't want to wait until you're drunk." 

"No, Alex!" I laughed, smacking his chest and stepping away. "Come on, we gotta go!" 

"You are a tease, Arianna. Such a tease." 

"Don't worry, you'll have me by the end of the night if you get enough alcohol in my system." I teased, pulling on his hand and tugging him out the front door and into my red Toyota Corolla. 

I ended up getting so drunk I don't even remember what happened that night. The last things I could remember was sitting at the bar and drinking with Alex, talking and sharing laughs as we brought up old memories from the first time we dated. 

And something else Alex said caught my attention and I seemed to remember perfectly. "Guess what?" 

"Um," I hiccuped, "what?" 

"I apparently got Rachel pregnant. How funny is that?!" He busted into a fit of laughter, slapping his knee for effect and I just say there, wide-eyed at what he just told me. 

Was he lying or telling the truth? Isn't there a saying that most things people say when they're drunk are true? 

So I was surprised when I woke up Friday morning with a huge migraine and Alex sleeping soundly next to me, his arm draped around me. I took in a deep breath before removing his arm and quietly left my bedroom and went into the kitchen, poured myself a cup of orange juice and sat at the island. 

Was this going to change things between Alex and I? I mean, obviously it was going to do something to our new relationship. I thought that Rachel wasn't going to be any kind of problem anymore and I was definitely wrong because here she was, not exactly in my life, but finding a way to screw something I cherished of mine up. 

I sat there for hours, playing around on my iPhone and just thinking about how I'd talk to Alex whenever he woke up. Tomorrow he was leaving, so we had to get this talk out of the way soon. Or I could just play it off like I didn't hear him say Rachel was pregnant and have everything be fine. 

But I couldn't. 

-- 

"Can I have pancakes?!" Charlie came bounding down the stairs, yelling for one of her favorite foods that I despised cooking. "Pwease?" 

With an exaggerated sigh, I said, "Sure," and got up to grab the pancake mix and milk from the refrigerator and stirring them together, pouring them into two small pancakes and flipping them when they were ready. I covered them in syrup after they finished cooking and sat them on the table in front of her at the table. 

"Hey, babe. And hello to my baby girl. Whatcha eating?" 

"Pancakes! Momma made them!" She said with food in her mouth. I inwardly cringed. One of my pet peeves. 

"Can momma make me some?" 

"No." I said flatly, pushing past him and going into the bathroom and doing my business. When I opened the door, I almost had a heart attack because I wasn't expecting anyone to be standing right in front of the door. Especially Alex. 

"Are you okay? Did something happen last night I don't remember?" He joked, oblivious to what he told me while he was drunk at the bar. 

"Yeah, something did happen." I replied. "You said something... pretty big." 

He furrowed his bushy caterpillar-like eyebrows. "What? What'd I say?" 

"That you got your ex-girlfriend pregnant." I spat out, going back to the kitchen to find Charlie finished. I took the plate and rinsed it off in the sink. 

"I just found that out a few days ago." 

"That's still not great news to hear, Alex! What, do you want me to be ecstatic about it? Be all happy and smiley that my boyfriend is having a baby with his ex? No, I won't be happy! I can't be!" 

"What do you want me to do, Aria? Leave he to cope with that alone?!" 

"No, because it's not a situation someone want to be alone in. You need to go help her, be by Rachel's side. Charlie and I aren't your first priority anymore, Alex. We can't be. That baby and Rachel will be." 

"But I love you. Not her. You." 

"I guess it's just... not meant to be." 

"She had an appointment the other day." 

"Go back home, Alex. Take care of her until you leave for tour. If you need me to, I can call her occasionally since I've been through pregnancy before." 

"I can ask her. She might appreciate that. Thanks. I'll go pack my things and let her know I'm heading back home tonight." 

--

"Momma?" I heard Charlie ask from the other room. I got up from my spot on the bed and went into her bedroom. "Where'd Daddy go?" 

"Daddy isn't gonna be around much." I told Charlie. 

"But why?" 

"He has to work, just like mommy does. He won't be around for a while, sweety." I said and heard her sniffle. The worst part of telling Alex to take care of Rachel was knowing how close Charlie was to him. But it had to be done. "Hey now, don't cry. You'll see him soon, I promise. It's getting late and you need to get to bed." 

"I'll miss him." She said, her voice barely above a whisper. 

"So will I, baby. So will I." I tucked her in and turned the light off. "Night, Charlie." 

"Night, mommy." 

As fast as Alex came back into my life, he was out of it in an instant. I guess that's just how life works, right?