Back 2 Good

Natalia

Sneaking into the venues had quickly become Jayce's and my favorite thing to do when we were bored. It didn't matter if it was 10 in the morning or during the middle of the show, we basically did whatever we wanted. We'd started to go to Rocket's set every night, mostly because she was so disgustingly happy and proud of Nick. Don't get me wrong, I was proud of him too, but the two of them were just sickeningly sweet and it made me nauseous.

Jayce had told me that she went looking for the guys early that morning and that she'd found Kennedy and sat down with him for a few minutes. She seemed relieved about the fact that Kennedy had probably informed everyone that she was on the tour for a bit with Nick. She was glad that the secret was out. I however just didn't feel the same way.

She kept trying to convince me that I had to face them. I had to get over whatever my hang-up was and go talk to them. Talking was never one of my strong points anyway, but this? I couldn't do this. This was a close knit group of friends that I had invaded during my stay in Arizona. I had been an outsider from day one and I just didn't feel comfortable doing what Jayce thought I should do.

In some way, it was easier for her. She had been a part of that tight closed group for years, whereas I was walking into it not knowing anyone with the exception of my brother. I was no one-- just someone who had come for the summer and stirred up all their lives with that fucking stupid plan. I didn't have the right to address that group.

Jayce and Eric pestered me about it constantly all day. Jayce kept throwing me looks from across the bus and periodically whispering things like it has to be done, Natalia, so you need to just go ahead and get it over with. Eric was begging me to announce my presence so that he could hang out with me more, instead of just when he was on the bus between sound checks and performing. He of course conveniently left out the morning hours between load-in and soundchecks when we would walk around whatever city we were in and get breakfast or go check out the local color.

I kept pushing it off. I didn't want everyone to know that I was on the tour for a bit, even though it would've been so simple to just tack on my name to the announcement that they'd all heard about Jayce being there. I kept telling myself that I'd do it later, even though a bigger part of me wanted to fly home at that very moment without them ever knowing I'd been there.

I was a big fat chicken.

It was sometime after four when we were finally able to go grab some lunch. I went with Eric and Justin to Jimmy John's while Nick, Jayce, and Andrew went somewhere else. We'd just sat down at the dark wooden table by the window with our food when Justin decided to start bugging me as well.

"So are you gonna tell everyone today?" he asked innocently before taking a bite from his sub. I just groaned in response and he gave me a questioning look. "What?"

"Jayce and I have been annoying the shit out of her about it all day." Eric leaned forward so that he could put his hand on my cheek. "She's just a scaredy cat."

I swatted his hand away from me and gave him a glare. "I think I've decided not to tell them at all."

"What? When did you decide this?" Eric asked, still chewing his food. "I thought you and Jayce agreed."

"We did but-"

"And she already held up her end," he interrupted, pointing a long finger at me. "She got hers over with this morning."

"I know that, Eric. But I've thought about it and what's the point? I'm going to be gone in a few days and then it'll all be over. Why would I purposely make it awkward for everyone when I won't even be around that long? That's what I did the first time. I made a mess and then I went home, leaving everyone else to deal with it while I got out."

"It wasn't like that, Nat. I mean, things were a little confusing at first, but once we found out the whole story, we understood. You were under a ton of pressure when everything was going on and it eventually got to be too much to handle."

I frowned at Justin's words. He was trying to make me feel better, but it only made me feel worse. "That doesn't make it right. I embarrassed everyone involved, including myself. I just......want to forget it happened and I think that if I stay out of the way, there's a better chance it'll be forgotten."

The two of them exchanged looks but they finally dropped the subject and moved on to other topics of conversation, such as Eric's new bass and memories of the last time they'd played at that venue. I just ate quietly, half listening and half getting lost in my own thoughts. Jayce would probably be annoyed with me when I told her that I'd decided not to reveal myself on the tour, but my fears outweighed her opinion.

We walked back to the venue and I carefully maneuvered my way back to the bus, constantly glancing around for people I was trying to avoid. Eric and Justin walked casually in front of me, just barreling their way through the parking lot where the buses were parked.

Once we were safely back inside, I sighed in relief and fell down onto the couch next to Nick. He chuckled and threw his arm loosely over my shoulders. "Have a nice lunch, sis?"

"No," I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest and putting on my best pout. "Your bandmates are annoying."

Justin and Eric both gave me surprised, fake hurt looks and I rolled my eyes while Nick just laughed again. "Yeah, but that's why ya love 'em." I scoffed but didn't give a verbal response and Andrew turned the television on, which I was thankful for because that gave Eric and Jayce less silence to bug me during.

Of course as soon as the boys went inside the venue, she got up and moved to the same couch as me, shooting me that certain look. I scowled at her and got up to make myself a drink, but she pulled the bottle out of my hands, shaking her head. "No alcohol. You don't need to be drunk when you talk to them."

"I decided I'm not going to," I replied, simply picking up a different bottle from the selection on the counter and returning to my seat with it.

"What do you mean? You're not going to make yourself known at all?"

I shook my head as I poured some of the bottle's contents into my red solo cup and took a sip. "Nope. What's the point? I've been successfully hiding since we got here four days ago. I can do it for a few more until I go home."

"Natalia," she groaned, raking a hand through her hair. "We agreed that the best way to move on with our lives was to talk to them, remember?"

"I know, Jayce, but I just can't do it. I can't face him."

"Nat-"

"I told him I had feelings for him and then followed it up with 'hey, your girlfriend's cheating on you by the way.' In front of a whole fucking room of his friends."

She sent me a sympathetic smile from where she was still standing in the kitchen area but then she walked over and dropped onto the couch next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. "Nat, that's why you have to talk to him. You always seem to leave out the fact that he kissed you first. That had to have meant something."

I shook my head and shrugged her arm off my shoulders, beyond ready to move on from the particular conversation we were having. "Even if it did then, it doesn't mean anything now. It's been months, Jayce."

"So? Natalia, come on!"

"Can we just go watch the show now?" I asked, changing the subject. She frowned at me but got up to slide her feet back into her boots and grab her phone. I followed her off the bus and we went into the venue where the crowd was just being let in. Suddenly she wasn't scared of being seen and she either forgot or didn't care that I was still trying to be inconspicuous. She wanted to get closer to the stage, but I refused to move from my spot near the bar where I could drink and be easily hidden at the same time.

Nick came to join us in the crowd as soon as they had finished their set, not even bothering to go back to the bus to change out of his sweaty George Strait tee shirt. Rather than stay with the annoyingly cute couple and watch the last set of the night, I headed for the door, but immediately froze in my tracks when I saw who had just come through it. He went straight over to the edge of the stage where Jared and Max were standing and I couldn't help but frown when I saw him. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept well in a long time.

I quickly backtracked and went to the venue's bathroom instead, sighing heavily as I walked over to the sinks. I ran my hands under some cold water before sliding them down my face. Luckily I didn't wear much makeup or I would have looked like a mess. I dried my hands with some paper towels before putting my palms on the counter to support my weight as I leaned forward on them.

I'd only been alone for a few minutes when a voice I knew wasn't Jayce's said my name from the doorway. "Natalia?"

My eyes snapped open at the sound and I slowly looked over my shoulder to find the halfway blue-haired girl standing halfway inside the bathroom, staring at me with wide eyes and mouth hanging open. "Gemma," I muttered in reply. Great, I thought. She's got to be the loudest person on the entire tour and now she's going to tell everyone. I'd considered her at least somewhat of a friend during my time in Arizona, but now all I could think about was how brazen and straightforward she was.

Her lips curled into a grin and she lunged at me, knocking my hip into the porcelain sink as she threw her arms around me and squeezed me tightly. I awkwardly patted her back in return until she finally let me go, taking a step back so that she could give me her expecting stare. I wasn't sure what to say. When you just disappear from people's lives after spending every waking moment with them for three months, the next conversation tends to leave a lot to be desired.

"So?"

Obviously I wasn't going to be the one to speak first. I was silently praying that Jayce would miraculously come and rescue me but I knew that she and Nick were probably out being all cuddly in the crowd like those obnoxious couples you hate to stand behind at shows. I just blinked, unsure of what to say.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Um, a surprise-....a birthday present. For my brother."

"How long have you been here?"

"We flew in on Friday."

"So you've been here for four days and you haven't revealed yourself?" she asked, slightly amused but then her eyebrows shot up as another thought crossed her mind. "You're hiding from John, aren't you?"

My stomach dropped at the mention of his name and I felt like there was a huge lump in my throat as I gulped. "Um, I-I just-.....I only came to see my brother for his birthday and I'll be gone soon. I didn't want to, um, stir up anything. I figured it'd be better to just stay under the radar. If you could just, I don't know, not......"

"You of all people are asking me to keep a secret from our friends?" She didn't say it in a judgmental way, but her statement still hit me like a ton of bricks. She was right; this group had had enough secrets within it and I couldn't ask her to not tell them something, especially when one of them was her boyfriend.

Before I could respond, a voice called her name from the doorway-- a voice I hadn't heard in months that sent a shiver up my spine. I quickly ducked into one of the stalls and shut the door, just as John peeked his head around the open doorway. "Gem, what are you doing?"

I saw her roll her eyes through the crack in the stall. "What do you want?"

"Kenny says hurry up. We're goin' on soon."

"I'll be there in a minute," she said, waving him off. She waited until he was gone before she pushed open the stall door, giving me a look that seemed somewhat sympathetic. After a moment, she finally sighed. "I'll see you around, Nat."

I hadn't realized I was hold my breath until she walked away. I let out a shaky breath as I ran my hands down my face before gathering up enough courage to leave the bathroom. I checked my surroundings carefully before making a mad dash to the back door. The crowd's screams were deafening as I pushed the door open and I knew that The Maine were going on so I wouldn't run into anyone else on my way back to the bus.

Once I had safely returned, I went straight to the back and crawled into Eric's bunk, pulling the blanket over my head and willing myself to go to sleep so that I didn't have to dwell on John anymore.

Of course my brain had other plans.