Heart Sized Crush

“Are you sure you don’t need any help finding your classes dear?” The lady at the front desk smiled at me sympathetically.

“I’m sure, thank you for the help.” I gave her a kind smile before walking out of the school office with my Dad.

The school looked and smelled brand new with a mixture of perfume in the air. The students were tan and laughing with each other, occasionally looking at me as they walked along. I had overheard a few girls watching me in the office, making fun of my clothing choice for the day.

The boys seemed somewhat like the ones back home, except they seemed to be doubled in size and well… sort of un-gentlemen like. But I chalked it up to them being jocks or it being just playful banter with one another. To say I wasn’t going to fit in would be an incredible understatement.

“Well, I’ve got to get going to the office. Are you sure you don’t want a ride home? I’ve got to get Faylinn twenty minutes before you get out, it’s no trouble at all.” My Dad offered a worried smile on his face.

I tried my best to put on a reassuring smile, “I know how to get home, I mapped out a route last night on the laptop. Don’t worry Dad, just focus on having a good first day. If I need anything I’ll ask to use an office phone.” I replied. “Get going, I’ll be late to first class and you’ll be late for your first day.”

He let out a reluctant sigh but nodded, “alright, but take some money for something to eat. And make sure you go visit the nurse to tell her you have asthma Amelia, I’ll see you later on at home.”

I smiled a bit wider, “have a good day Dad.” I waved slightly before looking at the school map and heading down the hallway.

Needless to say after that my first day went… rather bumpy. My first three classes had nice teachers, Science was boring from what I could tell, Advanced Calculus was full of smarter and more friendly people who helped me relax, and art had an incredibly fun and almost hippie vibe teacher.

Up next was English, something that was my strong point back in Dublin. I had always wanted to be able to draw and sketch like my Mother, but it was never as refined as hers, but I managed to get writing skills from my Father. My Mother told me when I was about three I sat at his type writer and typed random letters. Eventually I started writing little reports to tell them about my dolls or the rain outside.

I couldn’t help but hope that Faylinn was having a warmer welcome then I was at the moment. A few girls had made snide comments about my clothing, my red hair, or my accent. One of them went as far as to huff and demand that I get a translator since my accent was ‘to thick and weird to understand’. To add to my embarrassment the teacher gave her a referral or a write up and then I had to deal with her friends glaring daggers into my head for the rest of the period.

With an annoyed sigh I turned down a side hallway. After this period would be lunch time for me, and then I’d only have three more classes until I could get walking home. I had made up my mind to stop at Starbucks and get something to drink with the money my Dad gave me. At least that was one thing that was the same.

Opening the door to my English class I poked my head inside the room. It was literally empty, all the desks arranged in neat rows. Biting my bottom lip I walked in slowly, looking around for the teacher. I saw some movement coming from a spare looking room in the back, so plastering a smile on my face I walked over.

“Um... excuse me… I’m new here and I’m in your class.”

The teacher was bent over a cardboard box, and at the sound of my voice I saw his muscles tense slightly. A few seconds later he slowly stood up and turned to face me, my smile faltering gently.

“Well, nice to see you again.” Channing grinned down at me. “I didn’t think you’d be here, you look older than a high school kid.” He commented reaching back down into the box.

“I graduate in December here,” I answered through a small smile, “um… yeah.” I had to admit I never had felt as awkward as I did right now. Plus my mind kept commenting on how if he didn’t have a shirt on he’d probably never have trouble with the girls in class.

He chuckled, “just go ahead and pick a seat anywhere, I’ll call you up to my desk to talk to you about this class after I’ve got everyone working.”

I nodded my head sheepishly before scurrying out of the room. The class had started to fill up, and with my luck the devil girls from my previous period had this class. Stifling a groan I picked the farthest back desk, putting my bag on my table in a lame attempt to hide behind it.

“Everyone sit down already,” Channing Mr. Tatum called throughout the class, “get your copies of Hamlet out and start reading where we left off. Once you finish the chapter answer the questions on the board. And please, take notes since we will be having a five chapter test in a few days!”

I watched him answer a few questions; get a few books for people who forget theirs. He had noticed me staring once and gave me a wide grin, which resulted in me glancing away and struggling not to blush. I was new here, and I didn’t need rumors about me liking my English teacher. Which I didn’t.

However the next sentence that was said out loud made me groan.

“Mr. Tatum, we have a new kid in the class. Isn’t it class policy for new students to stand in front of the class and introduce themselves?”

I glared at the blonde girl, knowing her as one of the evil girls who hated me. I was going to call her Demon One; I didn’t care to know her actual name at all.

Mr. Tatum glanced at me for a moment, “that’s true… Amelia if you don’t mind.” He gestured to the front of the class.

I slid out of my chair, wringing my hands together as I headed to the front of the class. I hated feeling everyone’s eyes on me; I hated knowing that the hushed whispers were about me. I knew the Demon group was going to make trouble about my accent, and I wished I had taken my Dad up on his ride home offer.

Turning to stand in front of the class I gulped nervously, my knees shaking from fear. I didn’t like groups of people, especially groups of people that didn’t look friendly. I also had a problem with speaking in front of large groups, so right now it was my mixture of my worst fears.

“Well, how about your name and where you’re from.” Mr. Tatum smiled as he leaned against his desk.

Swallowing against the lump in my throat I responded. “My name is Amelia McKinley… and I’m from Dublin Ireland.”

“Why’d you move here?” Demon One asked, her ice blue eyes narrowing at me.

“My Father got a better position here…” I mumbled nervously.

“You don’t fit in here; you dress like my grandma-”

“Olivia that’s enough!”

“I heard your Dad telling the principal your Mother died, how she die? Was she drunk?”

“Olivia!”

“We’re allowed to ask questions. So? Was she a drunk? Did she die having you? Hmm? Did she actually just leave your Dad?”

I felt tears springing into my eyes; I turned on my heel and headed for the classroom door. I ignored the laughs as I hurried outside, feeling like an idiot as I let the tears freely flow. I wanted to go home to Ireland right now; I wanted my rainy country side and my Grandmother. I didn’t know what I had done to prompt them to act like such assholes, but I regretted agreeing to come here.

I heard Mr. Tatum’s voice calling my name, but I merely continued down the hall and into the girl’s bathroom. At first I was worried that there’d be a few girls in here; just to make my torture and embarrassment grow. But finally something went right, and I was alone. I stepped into one of the stalls, sitting down and leaning my head against the dirty tile.

I refused to go back to that class, I was going to sit in here until lunch, then go get my things and call my Dad from the office. I’d make up a lie about not feeling well or throwing up, I’d blame it on the plane ride over or my body adjusting to the weather.

I could only hope that the kids at Faylinn’s school were kinder then the people here.

*

Waiting in the bathroom passed in slow torture. When the bell rang I still waited, telling myself that I’d wait until the bell rang and everyone was at lunch. A few girls came in to check their makeup and hair, and after a few more minutes I was finally alone and the late bell rang.

With a content sigh I stood up and left the stall, hoping that Mr. Tatum would still be in his room. Thinking about walking in there made my ears turn hot from embarrassment. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had written me up and my first day would end with me being in trouble. Or with my luck he had written up Demon One and I’d have them attacking me even more.

I slowed my steps as I closed in on his classroom, praying that Demon girl wouldn’t be in there or that he wouldn’t. I just wanted to get my bag as quietly as possible and leave quickly. I opened the door quietly, slowing poking my head in to look around.

I sighed happily when I found the room and backroom empty. In a swift movement I hurried into the class and shut the door quietly behind me. If he was in his backroom I didn’t want him to ask me if I was alright, I just wanted to leave. So I wove through the desks, frowning at all paper balls that had been thrown onto my bag. I made a mental note to make sure nothing had been stolen.

“I was hoping you’d come back.”

I froze in my steps, my bag half way onto my shoulder. With a silent reluctant sigh I turned around, finding Mr. Tatum sitting on the desk behind me.

And I thought I was sneaky.

“Mr. Tatum.”

“You can call me Channing since we’re neighbors.” He smiled. “I was hoping you’d come back, I wanted to apologize for Olivia, her and her friends are usually like that… well except a bit dialed down.” He explained. “I’m sorry about your Mom…”

I ignored his words for a few moments, collecting the paper balls to throw away. Turning back to him I gave him a sad smile, fiddling with the locket hanging from my chest. “It’s alright; I don’t really like talking about her.”

“That’s understandable,” He smiled sheepishly, “do you have a few moments so I can tell you about the class?”

With a slightly reluctant nod I followed him to his desk, slinging my bag over my shoulder gently. The sooner we talked the sooner I could get down to the office. At least I could lie and say I didn’t come right away because I was sick in the bathroom.

“Well I don’t know how your English classes used to be, but here we’ll be reading and writing reviews and taking quizzes on things. There are a few speeches due throughout the course, and essays on topics of your choosing.” He was shuffling around papers on his desk. “Your Father needs to sign this and bring it back; it’ll boost your grade a bit. It’s just class rules and policies, nothing too big.” He finished holding out a paper.

With a slight smile I took it from him, gently placing it between the books in my bag. “Thank you Mr. Tatum, is that all?”

His smile faltered gently, “yes, and I really am sorry about Olivia, if you ever need someone to talk to I’d be more than happy.”

I smiled gently, “thank you Mr. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I gave him a slight awkward wave before filing out of the room.

*

“There’s not much medicine at the house, but I’ll stop by after work. I’ll take Faylinn back with me, it’s just paperwork so she can color next to me, or heck help my secretary.” My Dad smiled sadly at me as we drove home.

Needless to say I had convinced the office to let me call my Father. I put on my best fake sick voice and convinced him to come get me on his lunch hour. He had even stopped and gotten Faylinn earlier, who was sitting in the backseat singing along with the radio.

I had felt slightly embarrassed when my Dad came into the office to get me, and bumped into Mr. Tatum. I was terrified he’d tell my Father about the incident in class today; but he merely reminded me to get the paper signed and said hello to Faylinn. She of course asked him about Bear and if she could take him for a walk sometime.

Her day was going a hell of a lot better than mine.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine Dad, Faylinn can stay with me if she wants.”

“I want to go with Daddy.”

I chuckled, “never mind then, I’ll start making dinner when you get off Dad, and thank you for picking me up early.” I smiled at him as he pulled down our street.

“Anything for my girls,” He grinned, “and don’t over work yourself, I know how you are… just like your Mother. She tried cleaning the house head from toe with a broken leg once.” He laughed sadly and then shook his head. “Relax, and I’ll stop and get dinner if you need me to. Feel better kiddo.”

“I will Dad; I’ll see you two later.”

I waved bye to both of them as I walked up to the house, happy to be here and instead of at that school. I knew tomorrow wouldn’t be any better, but at least I knew what to expect then. I had the door half open when I spotted something shoved into the mailbox mounted to the door.

I pulled the paper out, figuring it had to be a note from the movers. I shut the door with my foot, dropped my bag onto the ground and walked into the living room; unfolding the letter as I went. My eyebrows knit together when I read the first line, re-reading it over a few more times.

Dear Amelia,
You look beautiful when you sleep.
-An Admirer

I let out an angry groan, figuring that it was somehow another joke from someone at school. I balled the paper up, tossing it into one of the many empty moving boxes.

I ignored the urge to go back there and demand to know what I had done to insult them. So instead of doing that I flipped on the TV, surfing through the local stations. After a bit I settled on the local news, leaned over the back of the sofa and grabbed my bag.

My teachers had given me assignments, all with the exception of Mr. Tatum. Science and Advanced Calculus were simple multiple choice tests, just to see what I knew and what I didn’t know already. Ms. Miles, the art teacher assigned me to sketch anything so she could see where my skills were at. I wasn’t looking forward to that homework.

I was looking through my bag when I spotted Mr. Tatum’s paper. I might as well get it out and remember to have my Father sign it later. I was about to set it on the coffee table when I noticed a small yellow notepad against the other side. With a curious smile I lifted it off, giggling at the scrawled words.

If it makes you feel any better, Olivia once peed herself in class.
-Channing.

I couldn’t help but giggle at the mental images. But I also couldn’t wonder how someone came back after that. She seemed like someone who was on top of the social ladder, so she probably threatened to make people unpopular if they laughed. If people actually did that outside of the movies.

The next few hours passed by slowly, I worked on my homework a few times, making sure I was content with the choices. I decorated the dining room and kitchen before crushing down a few more boxes for the recycling bin. I also decided to start a journal; taking one of my Dad’s empty ones from a box. He had always thought I’d have fun writing down my daily thoughts. So maybe with the move it would help me sort out my feelings and thoughts.

All the while I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched. I had looked outside more than once, hoping it was my Dad and Faylinn coming home, or maybe Mr. Tatum and Bear running again. Yet there was no one, not even a single cat or bird.

I chopped it up to being alone in a new house and started on dinner. We didn’t have much food, so I decided making lasagna would last longer. It meant left overs for Faylinn if she wanted lunch after school. I was going to need to find my Mother’s recipe book if I wanted to make homemade food I grew up with.

“Amelia?!”

“Cooking!”

A few seconds later Faylinn came running into the kitchen, sliding and hugging my legs tightly. “Look. Look what Daddy and I bought!” She held up the pink box.

I opened the lid, “cookie? Oh no what are we supposed to do with these?” I teased as I took the box and set it on the counter. If Faylinn had her way she’d finish all of them within the hour.

“Silly Sister, we eat them after dinner.”

I giggled, ruffling her red curls. “Dinner is just finishing, go wash up and put your book bag in your room.”

*

“Amelia, what are you doing?”

“Putting dinner away and cleaning the pan I used, why Dad?” I smiled faintly at him, noticing how tired he already looked. Part of me felt guilty for making him come get me.

“You try to do too much Amelia, leave it for tomorrow. I’ll order Chinese food or we can go out to dinner. You’re sick and you should be resting, I don’t want you to get any sicker.” He took my hands out of the sink water.

“Dad really I-”

“Don’t Dad me, or try pouting either.” He grinned. “Leave this for tomorrow kiddo; you can stay home if you don’t feel any better. Come on, it’s bed time.” Ignoring my whines of protest he ushered me out of the room. “Go to bed little Sparrow.”

Sighing at the pet name I nodded my head, “alright Dad, but only because you’re tired and I don’t want to argue. Goodnight, I love you.”

“I love you too Sparrow.” He gave me a soft grin.

Turning away from him I strolled upstairs and into my room, feeling my legs aching from the stairs. I was out of shape and stairs weren’t my best friends ever. Yawning widely I shut my bedroom door with my foot, stopping when I felt someone’s eyes staring into my skin.

A lump grew in my throat as I looked around the room, waiting to see someone lurking in a corner. I was paranoid, checking my closet and underneath the bed before I was alright. Shaking off the feeling I changed into my pajamas, I was tired, but with the feeling of being watched I wasn’t sure how much sleep I’d get.

I made sure that my door was shut and locked before closing my blinds tightly, the feeling of someone watching me disappearing once I did so. I sat down on my bed, taking off my locket and opening it.

“Goodnight Mom, I love you.” I stared at her picture in the locket, setting it gently on my bedside table.

I picked up the blank journal and a pen from the table, leaning against the headboard and flipping to a new page.

Now, where to begin.