Holding Onto What I'm Feeling

Carly's P.O.V.

I was able to go home a few hours later. Bert brought me home and stayed for about an hour. Then I wanted to be by myself. I felt a kind of bad for not being honest with Bert about Jeph and me. But I didn't feel too bad because I didn't know that Bert was friends with Jeph, and I barely knew Bert.

Anyways, I wasn't sure what to do with myself. It was late afternoon, and I was just laying on my couch. I didn't know what was going to happen now that Jeph knew I was here. I'd run away again, but what's the point? It never solves anything. I wish I had known that 8 years ago. I sighed and closed my eyes. I was just about asleep, when someone knocked on the door. The sudden noise startled me and I fell off the couch.

"Ow," I said. The person knocked again. "Hold on."

I pushed myself off the floor and headed to the door, pulling it open. I started to close the door when I saw that it was Jeph standing in the hallway. But before I could get the door closed, Jeph placed his foot in the way so that I couldn't close the door.

"I know you just got back from the hospital," started Jeph, "And that I'm the reason you had to go there, but could you just talk to me. I think it's the least you can do after leaving me the way you did."

Damn him. He's making me feel guilty and it's working. I opened the door to let him in.

"Make it quick," I said. I turned and went into my living room, letting Jeph follow me. I sat on the couch and Jeph stood in front of me, staring down at me.

"I want to know why you left me," he said. I looked at him in disbelief.

"You don't even know why I left you?" I asked.

"I have an idea," Jeph said. "I just want to hear it from you."

"I left you because I was sick of your shit," I said. "You'd get drunk then verbally abuse me. I couldn't take it anymore."

Jeph nodded his head.

"Why'd you come back?" he asked next.

"I wanted to," I said.

"Why didn't you come see me to let me know you were back?" Jeph asked. I knew this was coming.

"Because," I said. I looked him in the eyes. "I felt guilty for leaving you. I was too afraid to go see you and find that I still love you."

"Do you?" he asked.

"Do I what?" I asked.

"Still love me?" Jeph said quietly. I looked away.

"I want you to leave now," I said.

"No," said Jeph. He came closer to me and kneeled down in front of me. He tried to grab my hand but I shoved his hands away.

"Jeph, please," I said. "I can't do this. Just leave."

Jeph sighed and stood up. He walked to my apartment door and opened it.

"I still do," Jeph said before stepping out into the hallway and closing the door.