Can't Believe That I Survived

*Anna POV*

"Listen, Anna, about this past week..." 

I roll my eyes and turn my stare from the T.V to look at Jack's soft face. All my frustration is nearly washed away at the sight of my best friend. He is my best friend.

He sighs and sits on the couch next to me, taking my hands in his. 
"I'll start with saying sorry. SORRY. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Especially not you. I shouldn't have taken it out on you." 

I blink. "Taken what out on me, Jack? Your anger or your ignorance? You did a great job with both of those!"

He frowns. "I know I did. I'm stupid and selfish and I don't think enough of other people's feelings. But I'm telling you now, with all honesty: I'm sorry. Work got in the way... I know that's not an excuse, but that's all I can explain." 

Jack was never the one to argue. Not even with his sister. He always manages to crawl out of these situations, and he is always forgivable. He's so difficult.

"But was it so important that you were in a rage for a week about it?" I cock my head slightly to one side. 

"Yeah, it was, actually..." he scratches the back of his neck with his free hand, and fluffs up his hair a little. He obviously doesn't want to give any more information about it. 

"You're not doing anything illegal, are you?" I start chewing my bottom lip nervously. 

He turns and I can barely see his eyes looking straight into mine.

"Anna. Believe me when I say this: I'm not stupid. I don't do drugs. Nothing against the law is going on.  You know I don't drink. I don't smoke. I'm so lucky to have the most amazing best friend in the whole world, who cares about me more than she cares about herself. That's crazy. I can't ask for any more than that. I live the perfect life, no questions asked. I would never give it away to a bad decision. You shouldn't worry about these things because they aren't going to happen."

I know he's telling the truth by the way he sits calmly and doesn't remove his gaze from my face the whole time. I'm so relieved by this, and I pull him in for a hug. 

"Why are you so forgivable?" I muffle into his chest, trying to confirm his unique scent - like... Coconuts. They're my favorite food, ironically.

"It's not that I'm easily forgiven, you're just too soft on me." he chuckles. His chest vibrates under my head and I smile into it, his long arms hanging loosely around my waist. 

We stay like that for a few minutes, savoring the moment. I peep through one eyelid and stare up at his sleepy looking face. From what I can see his eyes are half closed and his gaze is fixated on me. 

I smile lazily up at him and he does the same down at me. My eyelids droop and I quickly fall into a light sleep, only to be woken up what seems like a second later by the soft prod of skinny fingers on my shoulder.

"Anna..."

I groan quietly and tug on Jack's shirt to move closer into his warm chest.

"Why don't you text Jane and see how she is?" his gentle voice flows into my ear at a mere whisper, and sends tingles down my neck and arms.

I hear the quiet rattle of something being slid across a table and feel the cold plastic of my phone on my cheek. 
I moan disapprovingly again and bury my face deeper into the fabric of his shirt, enjoying the coconut smell too much.

"I'll do it for you then, shall I?" I hear the grin in his voice and I wonder if he's being serious or just joking around. I'd happily have him do it for me.

"You do it..." I slur sleepily. I don't know why I'm tired, it's at least lunchtime.
Mid-day naps disorient me. 

A few taps of buttons and a sigh later, I could tell that Jack hasn't got a reply as there was no beep.
"She's probably in the - doing the interview now. She's not replying."

I begin to question his change of words but think better of it, and yawn into my hand instead.

"What's the time?" I say, now a little more alert.

"One forty-five. You hungry?" he stands and gives me a hand up.

I think for a minute as he steps behind the counter that separates the kitchen from the dining area. "Not really. I want to do something." 

His head snaps up, but only for a brief second before he looks back to the bench top, where he stops for a moment to read a few papers scattered across its surface.

"What do you want to do?" he asks curiously, ripping his eyes from the news. He takes two glasses out of the overhead cabinet and pulls some orange juice out of the fridge, pours the liquid into the glasses and sets one in front of me. 

"I don't know..." I swirl my glass around with my fingers then take a sip. "I haven't spent much time with you lately, so... Anything, really. As long as I'm doing it with you, I don't care." 

he chuckles and takes a sip of his juice.
"We could go for a walk around?" he suggests after placing his glass back down. 

"That'd be nice." I smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aside from the traffic, LA is a beautiful city. Jack and I walked for at least an hour before we sat at a park bench and watched the high clouds scattering the sky.

One question suddenly pops into my head as we sit in a comfortable silence. "Do you have a girlfriend?" I whisper, not wanting to break our sweet, quiet moment, even though I already know the answer. I just want to hear him say it.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" his head is still leant against the back of the seat and tilted up at the sky, as he answers me with a question. Cunning. 

"Maybe..." I smirk. "What would you say if I did?" 

"I would say, "Gee, Anna, you're great at keeping secrets!" But I know that's not true. So I'm guessing you're single." 

I roll my eyes. "You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't answer mine." 

"I asked you first." 

He sighs. "Both you and I already know how much of a loner I am. I don't need to restate it."

He pouts at me but turns around before I can react. I lay my head in his lap. "You have me, though." I gently play with the tattered hem of his shirt as his fingers glide through my auburn hair.  

"It's hard to... Fall in love with someone that you've really only just met, when you have the perfect friendship with someone else... Do you know what I mean?" 

I nod understandingly but don't say anything, I just want to listen to his voice.

"Also, I'm the worst at first impressions. It's like I have a different personality with every other person, and it takes years to finally show them me. But with you, it just clicked. Remember?" 

I smile, recalling the first time we had a proper heart-to-heart conversation. It was the day Mary had him over for dinner, when they were dating. 

Mary doesn't often talk about her love life, so when she brought a boy home for the first time, it was a shock to all of us. Although I'm unfamiliar with him personally, he does get around. I've heard what people have to say about this boy. It's slightly demeaning, the words that come out of people's mouths about others, whom they know nothing about. 
It genuinely sickens me. I'm not the most friend-making type, but I certainly don't go naming people and making false rumors about strangers, just for the sake of being popular. I don't feed on other people's dignity to stand out. I just have a low tolerance to offense, even if it isn't directed at me.

His name is Jack. He stayed for dinner, and although he avoided conversation and only spoke when he was spoken to, I found him... I don't know... something about him is definitely intriguing. He kept his head down, his eyes mostly trained on his plate the whole meal. I think. His hair is long and hides his eyes, so I wouldn't notice it even if he had watched me, or anyone else, for that matter. When he did speak, it was usually whispered in Mary's ear. 

He offered to help clean up after the feast, and I, being as nosy as I am, joined him. Mary never does the dishes, and why should he have to do it alone? 

We work in silence for a few minutes, before he speaks unexpectedly.
"Do you ever find yourself playing different personalities, because you don't want to trust people to know the real you?" 

It startles me a little as he says this, because he hasn't spoken much at all tonight, but also because of the gentleness of his voice. I didn't even know what to expect. 
I don't feel immense pressure on my shoulders when I think of an answer like I usually do when someone talks to me. I don't need to do much thinking, either. My words come out naturally and honestly, as if I was talking to someone I'd known for years.

"I don't talk to many people, but now that I think about it, to the people that I do talk to, I'm a completely different person. I've never thought about it before..." I set the dirty plates onto the counter then turn to him, trying to locate his eyes under the masses of hair that conceal them.

"Is this you, now?" he cocks his head to one side and leans against the bench top. His shyness is still noticeable, but more as if he was just quiet, not afraid.

I'm certain of my answer, and it surprises me how easy it is to talk to this boy. It's odd looking at him now I can see his full image. He's the complete opposite to Mary. Maybe it's true - opposites do attract.

I nod my head definitely and get back to the dishes.
After that small conversation we work in silence, not an awkward one, but more comforting. When Mary pulls him from the kitchen desperately, he gives me a small smile which to me says, "I understand what no one else does." 

He seemed so foreign then, but now, I know everything about him. More than I would have ever thought I would back then. He seemed so enclosed, so insecure about letting anyone into his life. Why would he let me in? 

"But how do I know if this is the real you?" I continue to twirl the soft material in my fingers. 

"You will never know," His head remains pointed up at the baby blue sky. "How do I know if who I think is me, is really me?" Even at this angle, I can see his lips pulled into a smile. 

One of the many things I love about Jack is how well-spoken he is, and how he has valid opinions on subjects not many other guys would even think about. His thoughts are sometimes unexplainable, but he tries his best to help me understand if it's worth the time. Usually it is. 

"You really take your time to think about these things, don't you?" 

"Which things? My deprived social life? Or the way I think ridiculously deeply about things that are of absolutely no importance?"

I pout to the side as I watch his chest rise and fall from where I lay. "You can't hide forever, Jack. You should go out and meet people, even if it does take years to open up to them. Or, maybe you'll find someone like me that does just click. Someone better than me."

"You should."

I stay silent. I can't. I don't trust men anymore, after what David did to me. The only male I can trust, is Jack. And I don't want to lose him to a relationship, or even one of his own. I seriously feel like I can't live without him. I didn't want to tell him what I said about meeting new people, but I know it's better for him. 

"You're all I need. You and Jane. I'm not asking for anything more." I finally whisper, almost inaudibly, but loud enough for Jack to comprehend my words.

He moves his head down to look at me as I lay in his lap, his cool fingers stroking my hair and tucking it behind my ear. He simply smiles, but in such a way that it sends a wave of warmth through my entire body. I always feel safe Jack's arms. 

"We've actually known each other for about eight years, counting before we became friends." I say before closing my eyes and leaning into his touch.

He makes a noise that's in between understanding and unbelieving. 
It makes me giggle, that we missed out those few obviously forgettable years spent, well, without each other. I wonder about how I coped without him the 16 years before I first laid my eyes on him. It's funny when you think about it, not knowing anything about someone you are to spend the best days of your life with, before knowing them. Then, when you do know them, you wonder what life would be like now, if you never met them. 
It's hard to explain, but my answer would be not much different from what my life is now. I mean, I wouldn't have Jack or Jane, but then again, I wouldn't know them, therefor I wouldn't miss them. But what if they basically saved me from a lifetime of misery? Or if I didn't have them, would I have made new friends that are as loyal, fun and caring as my own? 
I'll never know. But I'm grateful for my life as it is. Nothing else could compare. Or could it? If I was in another life, would it be better than this? I wouldn't know, because I wouldn't have known about this life, anyway. But if people new about my childhood, to most others anything must be better than my life. I think otherwise. I've made it this far, and I'm not stopping.

I wonder if Jack ever thinks about this. Probably, considering he thinks about most things. 

As long as I have my best friends by my side, I don't care what happens.