Can't Believe That I Survived

I told him as he came home that night not to worry about me. 
He worried.
He worried like a parent would if they'd found out their sweet little baby had been kidnapped, and he hasn't left my side since. 
Blames himself for the whole thing, of course. And now he doesn't know what to do with himself.

I watch him with careful eyes. He pouts back at me knowingly and starts to chew the nail of his thumb. 
"Don't, Jack." 
"It's just an old ha-"
"No, I mean, stop feeling sorry. Please. I've told you, it's fine. I'm fine. Don't blame yourself. If it was anyone's fault it's mine." 

The whole situation had nothing to do with him. It wasn't his problem, and he shouldn't think he has to deal with it. 
But now I feel responsible for causing the unnecessary guilt that is clearly written all over him.

He shakes his head solemnly. "I could have stayed here, and none of this would've happened. It's not just that you might have been hurt, but I just don't want you to feel... Unsafe, you know? You're like family to me." 
He reaches across the table and gives my hand a little reassuring squeeze, which makes my heart flutter.

I can't have him.
I can't have him. Because someone else already does. 
I can't know for sure, though, right? Don't be stupid. It'll ruin everything, anyway.

"I love you, Jack." The words come out in a torrent before I can stop them.  
To my relief, he chuckles quietly. 
"I love you too, Anna." He smiles. "But we're going to have to save all the gushy stuff for later. You've got to go to work." He points up at the clock on the wall. 

So that's what he thought I meant.
Of course that's what he thought. 
My insides feel like they're being punctured a hundred times over.

I follow his finger with my eyes. "Hmm. Thanks for the reminder." He grins and I slide out of my chair, only before realizing how exhausted I am.
"Can't I be 'accidentally' late? Just the one time?" 

"Not when I'm around." Jack smirks as I groan. 

"You don't know how it feels. It's not fair. You can just sit around at home all day. Jane was up and out of here at 7 in the morning. We have to endure a little something called 'physical effort'." Jane's job is definitely tough. I'm amazed at how she copes with the constant traveling.

"Or even just effort in general. I get paid for making magazine pages look pretty. Which, in my point of view, really takes no effort whatsoever. But that's the beauty of it." He winks and stands up, padding towards the hallway.

"Alright, alright. No need to show off, princess." I roll my eyes playfully. He laughs, until his serious expression returns moments later. 

"I'm still sorry. You know that." 
He leans one half of his body against the doorframe as he frowns in that special way that sends a wave of heartbreak through my body.

"You have no reason to be." I shake my head defiantly.

He nods once and turns the corner, leaving me in a light silence for the first time this morning. I only woke up an hour ago but since then he's been onto me like a fly.
My mouth slowly stretches into a smile as my gaze shifts onto the couch.

I think I'll just have to be late today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I open my eyes, I yawn deeply. I can just sense that Jack is watching me like a hawk. 

"Sleep won't kill me, Jack." I say quietly, groggily, rolling onto my side. Sure enough, he's sitting in the small armchair in the corner. Only through my blurry vision can I see the tall frame of a body. He doesn't reply. 
That's when I realize he must have fallen asleep. I grin. 
And I just stare at him. Until I regain full consciousness.
My head snaps back to reality. Work.
I must have slept through at least two hours of my shift. 

I jump up, head spinning slightly. Deciding whether I should wake Jack up or if I should leave a note, I rummage around on the counter for my wallet, and place it on the mess-free table so I can find it when I leave.
I probably should just tell him. So he doesn't worry.

Jack has always been a quiet sleeper. Peaceful, really. Almost too peaceful to be woken up. 
His elbow rests apon one of the soft arms of the chair, and cradles his head in the palm of his hand. 

I gently nudge his shoulder, and he slowly stirs awake.
"I'm going to work now. Sorry, I just didn't want you to freak out... Considering." I whisper.

He smiles delicately, and rests his head back and his arm at his side. He falls asleep again within a matter of seconds.
His face is basically concealed under thick, dark hair. 
All but his plump lips, and the tip of his sharp nose.

I watch him for a moment more, carelessly, and it's as if I am unable to move. 
The tight feeling in my stomach is unnerving, because I know exactly what I'm about to do. I don't care about anything else. 

I don't care about this new girl. 

I don't care what Jane would think. 

I don't care about getting to work on time. 

I gently lean into him, and press my lips flush against his.