For the First Time

“Hey Leigh!” I grinned as I saw my best friend make his way over to me. I’d promised to wait outside the rink after his hockey practice, not realizing how long that would take.

“Jesus Sid, could you take any longer?” I rolled my eyes before pulling him in for a hug. I’d known the guy since we were four years old, and we’d been incredibly tight since then.

“Shut up; I could have if I’d known you were gonna get on my case for taking five extra minutes,” he teased, before throwing his bag in the backseat of his car.

“Whatever,”

“So is it cool if Gronk comes with us?” he asked, and I froze. It’s not that I didn’t like Jordan, it’s just he made me feel… different. An unexplainable kind of different that I wasn’t sure if I liked or not.

“Uh, sure, that’s cool,” I shrugged, playing it off nonchalantly.

“Are you sure? I mean, you guys kind of always act weird around each other,” he pointed out, as if it weren’t obvious. We acted like two kids who’d never been allowed to spend time with someone of the opposite sex before when we were together, and everybody always felt awkward when I hung out with Sid and his friends when Jordan was there.

“I know, and I don’t even know why,” I sighed, but he had a knowing smirk on his face.

“I think you like him,” he quipped, making me burst into laughter.

“Me like Jordan? Wow Sid that concussion really did make you lose your marbles,” I told him, but he just rolled his eyes.

“Seriously, you two should just go out and see,” he pushed, but I shook my head. I didn’t do relationships and boyfriends; things like that just never end well. Love never lasts, and I’d witnessed that first hand, even though calling it love would be stretching it. Leigh Anna Miller didn’t fall in love.

“No, Sid you know I don’t date,” I whispered, and he sighed.

“Look Leigh, I know what you went through was the definition of living hell, but not all guys are like Joshua. Jordan’s a nice guy – a bit of an idiot sometimes but he’s a nice guy,” he told me. I knew that Jordan was a nice guy, I did know him after all, but even the mention of Josh’s name brought a shiver to me and nearly opened the floodgates of memories I tried to repress.

“Let’s not talk about this, please Sid?” I begged, and he nodded, holding my hand and giving it a squeeze for a moment.

“Yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean to bring him up,” Sid knew better than anyone.

If it wasn’t for Sid I’d probably be dead by now. To say Josh had been abusive was putting it lightly. When we’d started dating he’d been my Prince Charming; sweet, good looking, thoughtful, but soon it took a turn for the worst. I couldn’t go anywhere, I couldn’t do anything without him and without being yelled at and accused of lying to him and cheating on him. Every time I would end up crying, not sure what I’d done to deserve his wrath but knowing I’d done something wrong. He’d hated that my best friend was a guy, that I spent time with guys other than him, and he’d tried to push Sid out of my life. He’d almost succeeded, but when I told him that Sid was important to me he’d slapped me. He called me names and told me if Sid was so damn important to me that I could just go to him and not bother coming back. So I’d even started to shut Sid out of my life, but Josh kept getting worse.

It seemed like getting hit in some way shape or form was an every day occurrence, and at work I was never seen without a sweater or make-up to cover the cuts, scrapes, bruises and burns he’d left. But the worst scars were the ones no one could see.

After a particularly bad fight I’d broke down, needing an out somehow and while I didn’t dare call Sidney for fear of evoking Josh’s anger I’d dialed the number Sid gave me to call if I ever needed help and couldn’t get a hold of him. It had turned out to be Jordan. While I hadn’t really explained it all Jordan had pieced it together and came and picked me up, and just an hour later he and Sid had involved the police. They had placed Josh on house arrest, and he was supposed to have a police escort at all times. So when Sid and I had went to get my stuff we’d thought there would be no trouble. Instead I was brutally attacked, and while Sid had managed to beat up Josh enough that he couldn’t fight us back, he hadn’t fared well himself either. That had been nearly a year and a half ago, and I hadn’t been on a single date since, and didn’t feel like changing that fact any time soon.

“Leigh? Leigh,” I shook myself as I realized someone was saying my name, and saw both Sid and Jordan looking at me, concern etched into their features.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, looking out the window before realizing Sid had parked in front of my apartment. I got out then, and was halfway in the door when I realized someone was still calling my name.

“What—” I was cut off when I was pulled into a hug, and for once I didn’t instinctively shy away from the contact. Instead I melted into it, and when I looked up saw it was Jordan who had pulled me into his arms.

“I’m so sorry for what he did to you Leigh, if I’d known earlier…” he trailed off, making me confused. I mean, I knew it had been obvious in the car as to what I’d been thinking about, but this seemed to come from way out of left field.

“What do you mean Jordan?”

“Leigh I’ve had a crush on you since you moved to Pittsburgh,” he admitted, making me blush immensely. “And if I’d had any idea of what he was doing to you…” he trailed off, his fingertips tracing the little scar along my jaw. Josh had punched me, his keys in his fist and while he’d ended up with the worst of it – his hand had been all cut up so I’d been beaten for that - one small edge of a key had cut deep into my skin, leaving a small white scar.

“What?”

“I would’ve beat the shit out of him long before Sid did, before he could have hurt you the way he did,” he whispered, before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to my cheek. His face was a nice shade of pink too, although I doubted it rivaled the brightness of mine.

“I know you don’t do relationships and all, but would you go out to dinner with me? It can be just as friends, if you want,” he stuttered and stumbled over his words, making butterflies appear in my stomach. I was surprised and shocked, possibly even a little frightened at this revelation. I couldn't physically remember the last time I'd had this reaction, and I had no way of controlling it, which made things worse. I hated not having control, especially after being so helpless in my own life.

“Jordan, I…” I trailed off, not sure of what I wanted to do.

“If you don’t like me that way I get it, it’s okay Leigh, I just figured I should ask and…” I shook my head, not sure why I was doing what I was, but I took his hand and led him inside. He came into my apartment with me, and sat down on the couch, leaving space between the two of us.

“Jordan, do you have any idea of what happened?” I asked, and he shrugged.

“I know enough; I was at Sid’s after it all happened, I’d been about to knock when I heard you crying. I thought he’d said something stupid but then you started telling him everything and I just about lost it. I wanted to beat the fucker up like you can’t believe,” he told me, honesty making his voice raw.

“So you understand why I don’t really do the whole ‘date’ thing?” he nodded, not looking pleased with the fact.

“Yes, I do. But you also have to know that all guys aren’t like that Leigh. I’m not like that,” he insisted, moving ever so slightly closer to me on the couch, making those strange butterflies reappear in my stomach.

“Some people know what love is and how to love someone. Some people know how to appreciate when they’ve got the most amazing thing within their reach,” he whispered, softly pushing hair off of my face before pressing his lips ever so softly to the scar on my jaw.

“I’d treat you right Leigh, you know I’d never have a problem with you having guy friends, and you know I would never, ever, ever lay a hand on you,” he whispered, pulling away just enough so that those baby blue eyes were staring right through me and into my soul. I wasn’t used to this, to having a guy talk to me like I was something, worth any kind of effort, like I was pretty or desirable. The way he made my heart beat irregularly and my stomach do little flips was so strange and foreign to me I didn’t know what to do.

“I know,” I acknowledged, and a soft smile graced his features, turning him from cute to handsome in a heartbeat.

“So go out to dinner with me Leigh, you know I’m already head over heels in love with you, and I know if you can close up the wounds he left that you’ll fall in love with me too,” he whispered, before softly kissing me. I nearly melted right then and there, in one single, innocent kiss Jordan made me feel like I was worth something, like there was something about me that was worth the time and the effort and like he meant every word he’d just said. I’d never felt anything like that with Josh.

“Okay,” I whispered, and he smiled before pressing another soft kiss to my forehead.
“I’ll pick you up at five tomorrow, okay? Is that all right?” he asked, and I nodded, still having trouble finding my breath and my words.

He gave me that beautiful little smile again before kissing my forehead and then getting up to leave. As soon as the door had closed behind him I felt a strange little pang in my stomach. I missed him; he’d been gone for all of thirty seconds, yet something in me wanted him back here.

It made me think back to all of the times we’d hung out together – the awkward silences, the strange tension, maybe we were falling and I had closed myself off enough to not notice.
Maybe Leigh Anna Miller had fallen in love in for the first time, and I just needed him to let me know.