Slightly Bruised and Broken From Our Head on Collision

I stare at my broken smile in the mirror and wonder how it got to this. What are we doing? I was so in love with you; I forgot what I wanted to say. A tear slowly falls down the side of my face and I realise what it looked like, what all of this has looked like. I rub my wrist and look down to see the starting of a bruise, I look up and see my puffy eyes and grazed cheek. I walk into a cubical and lock myself in and rummage through my over-crowed bag. I pull out the leaflet that, until today, I had completely forgotten about. I read it through once, and then once it’s sunk it read it through once more. This isn’t for me, I tell myself. This isn’t for me. I’m over-reacting and this isn’t as bad as I think. I love him. I love him. I love him.

Okay?

Desperation starts to fill my stomach. I don’t know how, but I’ve got into a messy situation and I have no idea how to get out, Jack’s getting blamed for something I brought upon myself and Alex is retreating into a place that’s too dark for someone like him. The idea of Alex falling in to that routine again is enough to get me up and out of the bathroom, determined to find Jack and sort this out.

Jack’s POV.

I laugh harshly and walk away without looking back. Difficult to get close to people? Okay, explain why you’re suddenly best friends with Alex then, explain why you feel the need to talk to a random stranger on the bus but not to your boyfriend then. Thoughts keep bouncing around the inside of skull and as I start to change my mind and want to go and talk to her, it’s too late. She’s gone. I look back at the empty wall where she stood and wonder why I keep messing up. I sigh and head to science, ready for some awkward silences with Zack and ready to get screamed at by Mrs Aalborg.

By the time I actually get to my class, my brain has already made up some pretty shitty theories about what is happening with my girlfriend. I walk in 5 minutes late and sit down next to Zack, considering I never apologised to him about walking out on him I’m surprised he saved me a seat. I slide into my seat; the teacher just gives me the evils, carries on talking loudly and pointing at the meaningless squiggles on the board. I turn to Zack, who is doodling absently on the front of his planner.

“Hey dude, I’m sorry about walking out on you last time. It was pretty shitty of me and, yeah I’m sorry.” Zack just looks up at me and smiles, I understand that he is forgiving me and I know that he understands what I am going through. He may not have been there but he sure knows about mental pain.

Zack’s parents got killed in front of him when he was just 6, and although he denies remembering them you can see him sometimes doubling over with the pain of it, like it’s a physical thing that if he thinks too hard stabs him straight in the gut. He dislikes talking about it which isn’t really difficult to understand, but when he does you get why it’s hard for him. The police never found the killers, and even now, 10 years later, he refuses to trust the forces. Sometimes if he looks you in the eyes too fast or if you catch him off-guard, you can see the unshed tears and the pain just sitting behind his pupils.

And as I look over at him, I can almost feel the pain radiating off of him. And as I start talking to him about anything that will stop me thinking, I realise that Zack’s not a douche bag, Zack’s just quiet.

The lesson starts to reach its end, and I start wondering about my girlfriend again. Because as much as she makes me crazy, and as much as I wish she would just tell me what’s on her mind. She’s my everything, and that is enough to drive me out of the classroom at the end of the lesson, and search for the girl that makes up my world.

NORMAL POV

The end of lesson bell rings and I count the echoes that bounce on the walls. I shove everything in my bag before the teacher tells us to and wait until she dismisses us. When she finally does I run as fast as I can without looking weird, to the picnic bench that the guys normally chill on, I’m determined to 1- find out what’s happening with Jack and 2- find out what Alex and Kyle are planning on doing tonight, and in 2 days time for the party. I focus on the sounds of the people around me and go to find them

I reach the bench to find Jack already there, and without having to explain I fall into his arms. I missed him in the short time I started to doubt him, and even when it isn’t enough I will always fight to get him back. I smile at him and he leans forward and kisses the end of my nose.

“I was trying to find you” he whispers into my hair, I just nod. I understand and so does he, and maybe to others it sounds crazy but we’re on the same wavelength here. I pull away but keep hold of his hand; I turn to Alex to see him smiling knowingly into his book.

“So what’s happening with this party then?”